Archive | February 2012

Longing for Home

They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.~ John 17:16

As I was driving to church tonight I once again had a strong overwhelming feeling of wanting to go HOME.  Ever since things went sour with my past relationship, I just lost a strong desire to be here on this earth.  Please do not misunderstand me, I am NOT suicidal. I would never take my life nor bring harm to myself needlessly. In Spring 2009 my cousin committed suicide and it took me almost two years to get over the grief.  The deep abiding pain that I failed someone cut repeatedly at me and at the weirdest moments.  After that it made me solidify the belief that suicide is never an option.

That being said, my desire to be at Jesus’ feet worshiping Him and being where He is the light is so much stronger than my desire to be here anymore.  I sometimes feel trapped here on earth.  That feeling came back so strongly as I was driving to church today that I was sobbing as I drove, asking Jesus why can’t I just go HOME.  I know with all my heart that He has a reason, and yet I just want to be with Him so much more than I want anything else in this world right now.  There is no person, place, or thing that I want more than I want Jesus.

Jesus, 

I don’t even know why I’m posting this right now.  Is there someone You are trying to draw into a deeper desire for You? Is there anything that someone might gain by reading this post with all my raw emotions just laid out there like this? I pray that somehow, some way, You use this to touch someone.  Lord, while I no longer care for the things of this world, use this to help me to just give You my all then.  I am empty of desires and wants so fill it with You. Is that what happened? After things fell apart did You empty me of everything so that in time, You will fill it again with YOUR wants and desires for me? Lord, just use me as You will, use me however You want.  I thank You that I was allowed to minister to the nursing home residents today in piano and song.  I thank You that I am given the privilege to go to church and worship along side others who love You as well.  Help me be an encouragement and light to those who need it.  Teach me Your ways so that I may walk in them.  Fill me with You. 

Rebekah M. 

Smoothing the Cracks

“All of us, gazing with unveiled face upon the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, as from the Lord who is the Spirit.” ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

For the past few weeks I’ve been in a state of self-reflection and looking to improve my imperfections; this week I’m in a state of worship.  I’m just in awe of how great and merciful and loving our God is. If I’m not humbled of my own accord, I’m humbled by the fact that I deserve nothing that God gives me, and yet He bestows His love upon me anyway. Not only does He bestow His love upon us, but He made us because of that love. He made us to be His bride, so that He could bestow His love upon us and we upon Him. Yes, we have tasks to do while we’re here, but ultimately, we were made to love and be loved by God. This week, I’ve been taking all the imperfections He’s shown me, submitting them to Him, and then just basking in His love as He moves in me. Even submission does not necessarily mean sacrifice. He literally loves you through it. It’s amazing.

I posted here earlier this month about how we see ourselves through a broken mirror – a two-dimensional mirror made up of the world’s standards and judgements. Even though we know we ‘should’ know better, we have been socialized by the world more than we think. So, we look through that broken fake mirror so much that the false image starts to look real. We even form negative opinions about ourselves from it’. We are constantly thinking ‘If I were thinner….’; ‘If my hair weren’t so flat….’; ‘If I had a more confident smile….’; ‘If I could articulate better….’; we think of ourselves as ‘less than’ when we aren’t even looking at an accurate image.

And what do we do when we see these imperfections? We fear them. We fear that others see them too, and that we really are “less than” in the eyes of the world. And in fearing them, we try to improve them. We give of ourselves. Either at the gym, or giving more time to a person who judges us, or giving in to temptation in relationships  – whatever it may be, we give and give more of ourselves until there’s not much left. Suddenly we look around and we see dust. As we look closer, we realize the dust is us. We’ve shed so much of ourselves in order to meet these standards, all that’s left is a shell. We’ve given ourselves up for all the wrong reasons. Now we’re lost, disappeared, and – the biggest kicker - still not perfect. We feel alone, like the world has turned its back on us because we weren’t special enough to hold its gaze.

Enter God. Whether your shedding of yourself was complete, or was just in a certain situation, He never turns His back. His gaze stays fixed on you. On you. Why? Because you are His bride – His treasure. He is the lover of your soul and desires your heart for eternity. He loves you so much, He wants to be with you forever. How many humans say that at a wedding, only to later divorce? How many marriages are dissolved when one becomes a widow? But when God says forever, He means it. That’s how much He loves you.

In time, through loving us and us allowing ourselves to be loved by Him in whatever form that takes, He takes the dust, the mess we’ve made of ourselves, and gives it His living water. His breath of life gives us back to ourselves and restores us. And the best part? Not only does He gives us back ourselves, but He gives us a new standard to see ourselves with, a new Mirror in His word and in His love. And the more we look, the more we see that we do improve; we are new people, just by spending time with Him.

He doesn’t just put our pieces back together so the seams and cracks will show – that’s what the world would have us believe, that we are scarred and made weaker by past mistakes. But God, He doesn’t settle for a scarred bride. Instead, He remakes us completely. He removes the mess from us, just as soon as we let Him, and when we look in the mirror, there’s no evidence the cracks were ever there in the first place. His renewal is pure, and sweet, and beautiful.

Thank you Jesus for Your love and renewal. Fill in my cracks God – re-form me without seams. I am not made by man like a piece of art, but I am Yours and Yours alone, to walk in the beauty You give me and to live and breathe by Your love and grace.  I am Your bride, chosen by You and made by You for Yourself. Jesus I love You, and find peace in the fact that your love is undying, constant, eternal, and deeper than I can even fathom. Thank You for all that You are.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Pouring Out

There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat. ~ Matthew 26:7 

When I read the title of Rebekah A’s post it made me think of a song that my praise team used to sing and it’s been running through my head on and off all day. It’s called Stay Amazed and I put the video we used to practice to at the end.  There’s a bridge that says:

I’m pouring out my praise on You
I’m pouring out my love on You
I’m pouring out my praise on You
I’m pouring out

At the very end there a male who speaks of how as the woman who poured the alabaster box of precious ointment onto Jesus, let us so do with ourselves.  I feel like I have been slacking lately. My battle is over and I’ve just been floating along but…

Lord Jesus,

Right now I pour it all back out on to You. All that I am, all that I will be. Lord, I pour praise, I pour all my love, I pour all that I have within me on You.  You alone deserve my love. You alone deserve all the time and effort I have to give in this world.  I pour all my wants, desires, hope and dreams on You. Give me back whatever You want for me, but hold those things away from me that would only destroy me.  As Abraham who was willing to give You even his beloved son of promise, so I willingly give you all that I have, am, and will be so that You give me what promises You want for me.  I empty myself before You once again, openly here so that those reading might feel inclined to do so themselves and I pray that when they do, they feel Your love flooding over them. May You sweep over them when they fully dedicate it all to You. You amaze me Lord.  I stay amazed and so I pour it all out to You. 

~Rebekah M. 

I Stand Amazed

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry ‘Abba, Father’. The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs of Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.”~Romans 8:14-20

Rebekah M’s post yesterday inspired me to go back and read Romans 8 again, and spend some time there. I got to this part, and it really spoke to my heart. For all intents and purposes, on the outside looking in, I have a strong walk with God. But what’s been on my heart so much lately are the imperfections, the parts of me that get in God’s way and bind Him. God has been speaking to me too about my choices and what they mean, and not only the repercussions if I don’t choose God, but the blessings that come when I do. This spirit of submission and sacrifice has taken prevalence in my day-to-day walk. I’ve restarted my fast days, I’ve been submitting my thoughts and actions, I’ve been completely transparent in blogging about my shortcomings. These are all good things – they’re allowing God to move in me and grow in me, and causing my flesh to become marginally smaller every day.

I haven’t lost sight of why I’m submitting. I want God more – it’s as simple as that. But this passage just drove it home again what a merciful, beautiful God we serve. He is so powerful. Think of the powerful kings here on earth, and how they act. So often, they’re tyrants. They use their power and enforce it so they may be revered and even more powerful. God doesn’t do that. He gives us the choice to serve. And beyond that, He doesn’t ask us to serve for the sake of feeding His own power. He doesn’t ask us to submit so that He can feel like a king. Romans tells us we are not slaves. He asks us to submit, so that we can be His children. In that context, sacrifice and fasts become more like chores we have to do. Except they’re chores we choose to do. And instead of earning a weekly allowance, we earn a share in the unfathomable glory of Christ! He gives us that freely, and all we have to do is choose to listen to His spirit!

Think about that. Not only is He all-powerful, all-mighty, and all-knowing, not only is He merciful and loving enough to use that power and knowledge for our good and to guide our steps so we can choose rightly and be on the best path possible….but He doesn’t just stop there. He increases the blessing and gives us a share in Himself. As magnificent as He is, and insignificant as we are, He is giving us a share of Himself. And unlike the ‘gifts’ that we give to Him, temporary fasts, moments of submission…He is giving us Himself for eternity. Anything that we do here on earth, any ‘hardship’ we endure in the name of God, is literally like the blink of an eye, and yet we are rewarded with an ETERNAL share in Christ Himself.

This isn’t my first time hearing this or reading this passage. But God’s had me reflecting today on what exactly I’ve been sacrificing, exactly how hard it’s been, vs what He’s going to give. His promises are amazing.

Jesus, I don’t even know how to begin to thank You for the future you have for me and the promises You’ve made to all who are led by the Spirit. I just know you are worth all I can ever give and more. Jesus I worship You with all that I have and all that I am, and I thank you for giving me this deeper glimpse of how truly amazing you are. My life is in Your hands God; I love and trust You completely.

So today, no matter what you’re going through, take a moment to submit the tough things to Jesus. And feel free to reflect on how fleeting our hardships are….and the permanence of the promises that await you when you do take that step to let God direct you. What an awesome, awesome God we serve! And of course, if God’s doing something in your life I want to hear about it, and if you need an extra boost, I want to be praying for you! So write to me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com

God bless!

~Rebekah A

I Choose

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. ~Joshua 24:15 

For almost as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved the name Joshua. So many times I’d say “any single guy named Joshua gets a +1 in my book!” My adoration of the name was because of the above verse: Joshua chose God when not everyone was. When it wasn’t the trendiest thing to do, he chose serving the Lord over any other.

In the last few months God has been opening my eyes to the fact that life is all about choices.  As I mentioned before, when my world was falling apart God gave me a choice and I chose worship.  As my 21 day fast continued, I made an ever growing list of choices such as “Monday I chose to worship You and today Lord, I choose to worship You and to trust You.”  Let us, when events occur in our lives, through God’s strength and grace, make the choice to worship, trust, and know that God is good and His mercy endures forever and that He has EVERYTHING in His hands.  Hold on to Romans 8:28 and know that good and bad works out in the end.

I was talking with one of the guys about this concept yesterday. Honestly, it was probably one of the best conversations about God that I’ve had in a while. We ended up talking about the fact that God is okay with us being human. Jesus lets us weep and cry out to Him and it is in our choice of reaction that we forge our destiny. When my car hit the guardrail while I was driving on that mountain road, my pastor and his wife called me up and we prayed over the phone together.  We soon broke into worship and it was IN THE MIDDLE OF WORSHIPING JESUS  that I got the phone call saying that I was set up with a rental in the middle of the night so that I could go to bed worry free, knowing I had a way to get to the conference the next day! THAT is God! However, before that happened my first reaction to the accident wasn’t to jump up and worship as I looked at my car- it was:

God I’m SO FRUSTRATED!!! I thought everything was turning around! I AM SO FRUSTRATED GOD!!!!

I know that yes, I could have had a MUCH better first reaction, but I also feel like God blessed me because despite the initial frustration, I went from “pity me” to “Lord, despite it all, I trust You and I worship You.” It took me longer than it should have, but I learned a lesson in my hesitation to immediate worship- it was fruitless because in the end God did have it all in His hands!

Jesus, 

I ask that You now solidify in our hearts that with every event in our lives we have a choice. We can choose to do things our way or do things Your way. We can choose to worry or we can choose to worship.  We can decide to walk away from you because of fear and doubt or we can choose to walk towards you- hurtling ourselves in Your arms when things go wrong.  Let us choose worship. Let us choose trust. Let us believe and know that You are sovereign and above all things, even the problems of our lives.  Thank You for understanding that we are human and allow us the space to come to You when we hurt and just sit in Your presence and say “Lord, I choose to trust You, but it hurts so much right now.”  To declare, “Lord, my heart is breaking but I know it is in Your hands.”  To resolve “Lord, I am afraid, please help me with this fear for I choose to worship You even though I am so afraid right now.”  I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

Rebekah M.  

Powerfully Helpless

“So Jesus said to them, “When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will realize that I AM, and that I do nothing on my own, but I say only what the Father taught me.” ~ John 8:28

Yesterday, Rebekah M posted about Ruth and Boaz, and touched on their lives. As the scripture says, Ruth was a Moabite woman, who married a son of Naomi. Naomi’s other son married Orpah (another Moabite woman). When both of Naomi’s sons died, she left Moab for her hometown. Ruth and Orpah started going with her back to Bethlehem when she essentially told them not to. She told them there was nothing left for them if they stayed with her, and told them to return to their mothers’ homes. They both protested, but ultimately Orpah returned to her mother while Ruth stayed with Naomi and journeyed to Bethlehem. There she worked hard in the fields, as a stranger in the land, ultimately catching the eye of Boaz, a rich relative. He was moved by her compassion for Naomi, loyalty to her (and his) family, and by her willingness to work, and so he showed her generosity. He had the power to change her lot in life, and so he did. She was rewarded and ultimately grafted into the lineage of Jesus Christ. Her son was David’s grandfather.

Ultimately, she defied common sense. She depended on God to take care of her life and guide her steps. She didn’t take it upon herself to change her course or go ahead of God’s will. She stuck to the path God laid in front of her, and stuck to it loyally, and depended on God to provide for the rest. He did. Instead of going back to a solid but unremarkable life with a new man in her hometown, God rewarded her faith and dependence on Him by making her part of the ancestry of Jesus Himself.

What became of Orpah? We don’t know, because she isn’t mentioned again. She probably remarried, and had a decent life. But not an annointed one, because she didn’t allow God to guide her steps. She didn’t do anything wrong per se. She simply followed worldly wisdom, the common sense that said ‘there is nothing for you if you follow your mother-in-law; there is nothing but a desert place, you’ll only be a stranger in a strange land. Go home where you can start over.’ This common sense sounds logical. But the scripture tells us she went reluctantly. She didn’t want to, but she gave in to this common sense. Ruth, on the other hand, ignored it. Ruth knew that her God was bigger than common sense, and her God could make a desert place flourish and prosper. She depended on Him, and not on the world.  Because of that, she was blessed for eternity.

Jesus Himself tells us that He does nothing on His own, but speaks the words of the ‘Father who sends [him]‘. This can be a difficult thing to read; after all, we know that Jesus is God. He is fully God and fully man, and that’s a cornerstone of our Christian faith. But that’s what’s so amazing; being God, Jesus could have taken the world by storm. Being man, He outright said He did nothing on His own and implied that He wasn’t even capable of doing so. As an example to us, He was completely and utterly dependent on God, the way we are here on earth. He almost never mentions Himself without mentioning Himself in the context of His ‘Father’. He was fully man, yet He literally had no ‘self’, no self-identity apart from God. Yet, He performed miracle after miracle. Yes, Jesus was God, and in His kingdom of Heaven He is all-powerful. Here on earth He is all-powerful – the very name of Jesus can bind demons and send them fleeing. But Jesus as a man humbled that part of Himself, and cut off His power. Instead of being powerful in His own right, powerful as God, He presented Himself as a man fully dependent on God. He was helpless as a human being, fully dependent on God, and yet even in that manifestation of being helpless and dependent, look at the miracles He worked while He was here. He took no glory for them, but gave the glory to God His ‘Father’. He let God work through Him, and worked miracles beyond our imagination.

That’s the example that Jesus gave us on earth. That’s the level of dependence God is calling us to. He wants us to be so dependent on Him that we defy the common sense of the world. He wants to provide for our lives and reward and bless, and move in miraculous ways, but we have to be helpless and selfless enough to let Him. I don’t mean selfless as in generous; I mean selfless as in literally not having an identity apart from Him. Literally being unable to decide for ourselves “my life will be better if I do this” and instead letting God guide our steps completely. Praise Jesus for His sacrificing, for humbling Himself to give us that perfect example.

For myself, I am trying to be submissive. I have been searching for employment for awhile now since moving to NY, and am coming to a place financially where I need to be working. However, it’s been hard to find a job because I have a strange schedule – my roommate needs me at home on parts of Mondays and Tuesdays, which makes a typical Mon-Fri work week difficult. Meanwhile, I’ve had a vision of myself changing career paths and starting a faith-based daycare/mom’s club for post-homeless women and their children, in conjunction with Covenant House. Covenant House is a homeless shelter for runaway/homeless teenagers, and mostly provide long-term shelter up to 18 months. For teenagers who are pregnant or already parents, they provide a daycare. After the 18 months, when the young mothers have to start fending for themselves, is where I see myself playing a role.  I have no experience running a daycare, or a parents’ club, or being a support to homeless people, but I’ve had that recurring vision and God has been putting the homeless population heavily on my heart lately.

Anyway, I had an interview at a preschool yesterday, and my roommate and I prayed for God’s favor. Then I thought better of that and submitted my desires; I prayed for God’s favor if it’s His will, and if it isn’t, I prayed for Him to point me in the direction He wants me to move in. When my interview finally happened, I was basically offered a job on the spot, and then the offer was rescinded when they found out about my schedule conflict. Afterwards, on a whim I looked up the Covenant House employment web page. According to the web page they are not hiring at the day care. But I felt God say “try”, so I did. I called human resources, and guess what? They are hiring. I sent in my resume on the spot. I don’t know what God has in store for me and my life right now, but I know I trust His timing and I trust His guidance. I trust that He’ll use me in a much greater way than I could ever use myself. Today I pray God that you keep me in this place of trust and submission. Jesus I thank You for this heart for dependence You’ve given me; it’s usually a difficult area for me, but this time I depend on You willingly. I give you everything I have to offer and all that is to come, I know is from You. I thank You and love You, Lord.

I pray that you all join me in reflecting on your dependence on God, and your helplessness when left to yourself. If you were told to follow your own volition and go home to a safe life with good prospects, or follow your mother-in-law out of blind loyalty and submission, which would you choose? When it comes down to it, are you Ruth or Orpah?

And of course, write to me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com and let me know what God’s been saying to you, or if you need/want prayer over it. God bless!

~Rebekah A

Being Boaz

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. ~Matthew 25:35-36

One of the guys invited me to join him on a sermon series about Ruth and I just got through the second of six.  It is amazing and drove home so much of what has been happening in my life lately and on my heart.  I’m currently a student in the medical field and the above passage has been my heartbeat. I feel called to the field because I believe it is how God wants me to “visit the sick.”

The sermon spoke about people who not only pray for the needs of others, but heed the voice of God and become the hands of feet of Christ by helping answer the prayer.  As I wrote about in a previous post, God recently had me do just that! There are days when we don’t know where the next meal will come from and there are days where we’ve just bought a shiny new car off the lot, but in all the ups and downs in our life, we need to recognize as Job did that, “naked came I into this world and naked will I return, blessed be the name of the Lord.” And so all that we are and have is His and therefore we should freely give of ourselves, our time, and even our things to those who are in need. In doing so, we are doing them unto Christ. We need to, even when we’re not 100% sure where the money is coming from, even if we don’t know how we’ll find the time in the day to do it, go out on a limb and have faith that if God tells us how to bless another, to just do it!

As Boaz was so freely generous to Ruth, a mere stranger, let us also be freely generous to those we don’t know in our lives. The preaching on how Boaz went above and beyond for this poor widow with an elderly mother-in-law that she was trying to help support reminded me of how Rebekah went above and beyond for Eleazar. Let us seek to be more excellent with God’s grace and help in all that we do. Let us be known for our care, concern, and generosity.  Remember that, although this should not be the reason for going the extra mile, that both Rebekah and Boaz were mightily blessed for their acts of generosity.

Jesus, 

I pray right now that You touch those who are reading this post.  Whether it is the day it is posted or years down the line, I pray that this message is for them the day they read it! I pray they learn to open their hearts, schedules, and even wallets if that’s what You ask of them so that they can be freely used by You- trusting and believing that You are faithful to those who obey Your calling. I pray that they worship You with their lives by their generosity of time, effort, and finances.  Pour out a blessing on those who realize that You reward those who love and obey Your leading.  Help me to not only write these words, but to live them! Thank You Jesus for all that You have done and will do in my life. I love You Jesus. 

Rebekah M. 

Working In Partnership

“I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused the growth. Therefore, neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who causes the growth. The one who plants and the one who waters are equal, and each will receive wages in proportion to His labor. For we are God’s co-workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.” ~ 1 Corinthians 3:6-9

It’s no secret that God gives us strength and wisdom, and God has all things in His hands. Yet God has been telling me lately that I play a big role in this. Every inch of my heart is either of God or of the world, and I choose which to follow. If I follow God, the things of the world are bound in my heart, and God’s will is free to reign over me. If I follow the world, God’s will is what I’m binding.

So often, we treat God as statue-like, there to answer our desires, and give us what we want. When we don’t like His answer, we wait til the season has passed and we hear a different one. But that is not the God we serve. The God we serve is never idle, with any area of our lives. With every single part of our heart, and every single area of our lives, God wants to be moving. He wants to guide us, refine us, call us deeper to Himself so that He may provide for us more and more fully, and His will may be manifest over us.

He wants to do all these things, for His will and His path is the best one we could possibly be on. However, in order for Him to do these things, we have to let Him. If we want Him to water the ground we’re on and make it fertile, whether it be growing our relationships or jobs or anything else we have in our lives, we need to plant the seeds so that His water can be put to use. Sometimes He even gives us the seeds; with me, He’s been holding His mirror up to my heart showing me areas that need change. He handed me the seeds on a silver platter; He could not have made it more clear. My job, then, was to plant them and let His water flow forth.

As God is not idle in our lives, we cannot be idle and expect Him to work anyway. We have to take the steps He calls us to take; we have to sow when He tells us to sow. We have to open up places in our hearts when He tells us to. Sometimes this calls for sacrifice and fasting; other times this calls for worship. Either way, we are God’s partners. We are His voice and hands and feet here on earth. It’s an amazing, beautiful, and humbling place to be. So pray into His will today, and take the time to listen to what He tells you. He won’t leave you hanging! And of course, feel free to write to me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com, and let me know what He’s telling you; I’d love to pray into His will for you!

God bless!

~Rebekah A

My Rereward

For ye shall not go out with haste, nor go by flight: for the LORD will go before you; and the God of Israel will be your rereward. ~ Isaiah 52:12

While at mid-week prayer tonight, I opened my Bible and came upon this verse while I was there (I like to pray then read my Bible then pray about what I just read). After prayer, I asked a theology scholar I know what it means (specifically the term REREWARD) and he told me:

The LORD will go before you, and the God of Israel will protect you from behind. You’re covered in front and in back…
You are protected by the God of the covenant… protected by a God who has a personal relationship with you and a vested interest in your well-being. It’s usually translated “rear guard.”
The concept that God covers us both from the front and the back is an awe-striking one.  This wonderful God we serve- He loves us so much and is so amazing. Not only does He go before us, protecting us and preparing our pathways, but He also protects us from behind- making sure we aren’t ambushed or shot in the back!
Jesus, 
Thank You for protecting me both in front and in back. Thank You that where ever I go, so long as I stay in the covenant that You laid for us in the new testament, I am protected on all fronts.  I praise You Jesus for being the loving Father that You are to us.  Thank You that we are safe in Your hands.  Thank You that no weapon formed against us shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17).  I pray right now that those reading this have the revelation that You are watching out for them on every side! May these dear readers realize that nothing can touch them so long as they are in YOU and if things come their way, it is for their good (Romans 8:28).  I love You Lord. 
Rebekah M. 

A Cause To Rejoice

“Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.” ~ 1 Chronicles 28

I have some updates for you all. First, I posted in Stepping Out in Faith about a project God was calling me to. He wanted me to make little cards with Bible verses on them, and distribute them with food/drinks to homeless people. Or really to anyone on the street I passed who may have needed His word that day. To help me in this, He put a name in my head, of a girl I don’t know well. In obedience, I texted her anyway. I am very excited to say that I’ve since heard back from her! She didn’t think it was creepy at all that I texted her out of the blue, and is going to do her best to help me if she can. Yay!! Thank you Jesus for knowing the exact way things need to be done, and for putting it on my heart. Next steps involve finalizing the cards themselves, but mostly they involve prayer, prayer, and more prayer. God is orchestrating this, and I don’t want to get in His way!

Second, like I posted in The Heart Of The Matter, I fasted yesterday in an effort to start shedding some worldly qualities I have in my heart. Basically, I have a hard time seeing with God’s eyes and His heart, and my words, actions, and choices reflect that. Instead of being His vessel all the time, I’m His vessel sometimes, and the rest of the time I’m getting in His way. In turn, He has slowly but surely been shedding light on these areas in my heart. His Word is a perfect mirror, and through it you see a true reflection of yourself. Having brought it to my awareness, however, He made it very clear that the next choice was mine. God is light, and can cast out all darkness. Darkness can’t exist where He is. So those “dark” areas I had in my heart are there by my own choice. Would I continue choosing to block Him out in these moments, or would I choose to submit them to Him so He can fill  my heart with light?

I chose God, and it started with a fast. The Bible tells us that some things can only be cast out with prayer and fasting, and yesterday I turned that principle on myself. The thing about fasting, for me at least, is that the second I take those steps to sacrifice for my Father and to grow in Him, He rewards me exponentially. I feel His presence so much more strongly on those days, and I can feel myself rejoicing to be so close to Him, and Him rejoicing to be so close to me! Never do I feel so purely and tangibly loved as I do when I make this small weak effort to seek wisdom from my Father, and feel His total joy in return. He wanted my heart. Yesterday I gave it to Him and He was happy about it! I didn’t even do anything special – it was just for 24 hours. Nonetheless, I – who am nothing and nobody without Him – made Him rejoice in my presence the way I do in His. That’s how much He loves us, and it’s a beautiful thing.

Anyway, I started out just praying to Him. Every hunger pang I felt was a call to prayer, and I even danced around the house singing to Him! It wasn’t even an actual song, just a refrain I made up (“Take me to the rock, that is higher than I; Father give me grace, to finally lay down my pride…”), but it served my purpose. Throughout the course of the day, I relived conversations and events where my actions were less than stellar, and I repented them. I prayed for a change of perspective and a shift in my priorities.

That night, my roommate came home after a rough day – he’s nearing his busiest work time of the year, he has been sick, and he’s even sicker from the medication he’s been on. And he said something completely innocuous, but inadvertently said it in a harsh tone. Normally, I’d be hurt or offended by this (pathetic, I know, but this is exactly why I fasted). This time around, it did occur to me to be hurt, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. But this time, I brought God into the picture and said “God take my thoughts and heart right now and guard them. This isn’t important; this conversation and words mean nothing. There’s nothing bad here, nothing to be upset about, so take it away and help me to see that. In this moment, keep me focused on what’s important.”

See, I didn’t ask for perfection. I asked for change. Change in my heart and in my perspective cannot come when my choices and actions remain the same. For change to come, I need to give god the chance to work it. God, for His part, answered my prayer immediately. I got my change in perspective. I saw right away when something wasn’t important. What’s slower to change are my actions and emotions. There may be a day when I don’t have to ask for God’s help with these little insignificant things. There may be a day when I don’t even notice such comments, or don’t react to them at all. I sincerely hope so. For now, my change in perspective is a great start, and I’m in a place of submission for the rest.

Thank you Jesus that you are constant and faithful to us. I thank You that You are merciful with Your mirror, and bring awareness without condemnation. You will not forsake me in spite of my flaws; You created me and gave me life and worth, and You think I’m worth fixing and refining rather than forsaking. I thank you that you are beautiful and give me things to work on daily. I pray for continued guidance as I follow You and as You complete this work in my heart. Show me how to love You and let You fully use me as I wish to be used by You. Help to stand strong in the work required to get there. And Jesus? I love You.

If any of you have been seeing yourselves through God’s mirror lately, you are seeing that you are less than perfect. Take heart and know that it’s ok. God doesn’t do things idly; He’s not giving you these moments of pain/shame/embarrassment just to hurt you. He is drawing your awareness to shortcomings because He thinks you – yes, YOU – are greater than your flaws. He knows you better than you know yourself, and knows that you are worth refining and fixing. He knows you’re too great to forsake. We all are. So He won’t. All He wants is us to come before and spend the time to let Him work in us. He wants to rejoice in our presence the way we rejoice in His. His love for you is that strong; so embrace it! And if you need some extra prayer to get you through, or even just want to share how God is moving in your life, write to me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com. I don’t know how to make that a link, so I’m sorry about that, but I’d still love to hear from you!

God bless!

~Rebekah A