Archive | May 2012

Submitting It All

So I once again received yet another message from that same guy… this one read:

The Lord has already called us. We are called to the high calling of Christ. The Lord as he has stated in his word called us to be saints which is the highest calling there is. he wouldn’t call us to be something else. Being a saint of God is the most high calling there is and there is nothing else in the world that comes even close to that calling. If you are baptized in Jesus Name and filled with the Holy Ghost he has already chosen our profession and that is to serve him and labor for him. He wouldn’t chose something else for us because he has already chosen for us what he wants us to do with our lives. There is no where in scripture does it say that the Lord chooses our worldly profession or careers because quite frankly he has already chosen us for his work.
Your choice of doing what you are doing with your life as you have stated yourself has interfered with your relationship with the Lord and the Lord is interested in the saving of our souls and he would not chose something for our lives as you have stated that would have any effect on that as you have stated. It would take us to a higher place in God and draw us nearer to him.
The scripture also says the woman is to be the keeper at home. Women are not to work outside the home. That is the man’s responsibility not the woman’s.
I say all this to say there is no way you are in the will of God. God is about saving souls and that’s it and doesn’t chose one to be a doctor, another to be a lawyer, or another to be a police officer. He has already chosen what he want’s us to do with our lives and it is our choice whether we do that or not and I say again he wouldn;t choose us to be even a doctor because what he has chosen for our lives already is far far greater than even being a doctor.

So in this guy’s mind a) God will not call people to be doctors- ever b) a woman should stay in the home and only the home

To these concepts my soul cries out:

a) we are all called for a purpose and yes it is to reach those who don’t know Jesus but we can also have “worldly professions” that God can use- Luke was a doctor! Paul was tent maker! JESUS HIMSELF WAS A CARPENTER! When you pray so much over something and ask Him to open or close the doors and believe with all your heart that He will do just that, than how can one deny God’s hand in their path? More than once I’ve asked Him to close this door if He wants and yet it stays open- even when others have tried to shut it! In my book- God places us in the jobs that we’re at (when we actively seek Him to) for us to be in the ideal places to reach those that no one else can.

b) The bible DOES actually speak of a woman working outside the home… in Proverbs 31!!! It states she considers a field and buys it (and they didn’t have internet back then to do it virtually or even a telephone to call!). With her hands she plants a vineyard (last I knew, people don’t have a vineyard in their house)! If that doesn’t say she works… I’m not sure what does!

The thing that frustrates me the most, however, is the fact that this person who does not know me, has taken it upon himself to tell me I’m out of the will of God. But I need to just work on focusing on Jesus and my own walk with God and forget him as well as anyone else who thinks they have a right to judge me.

Jesus…. please help me!

Rebekah M.

Love Is Patient, I Am Not

May29

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Doesn’t it seem like whenever you’re trying to change something about yourself, something always happens to test it?

I definitely ran into this problem yesterday, running errands with my roommate. We went on our monthly shopping spree to get supplies (laundry detergent, paper towels – the exciting stuff), but to do that we have to take an elevator up to the store. Some days it’s a long wait, other days it’s really quick, but either way, we join the other wheelchairs and strollers to get upstairs. Yesterday, the elevator was packed. Insanely packed. The whole group waiting couldn’t even fit on, but despite that, just as the doors were closing, this lady comes elbowing in. She had no children, and seemed perfectly able-bodied – she’d just run and caught the elevator, after all. Forget the fact that the escalator was 5 feet away, forget the fact that either way you’re just standing there and no matter which way you go up you still don’t have to climb a step; no, this lady was bound and determined to come on the elevator, at the expense of the ribs and sternums of everyone else.

So she elbows her way in, the doors shut, and up we go. However, when we get to the top, the doors open on the opposite side of the elevator. So this lady, who had elbowed her way in and was barely squeezed in by the door, was now in the back. Does she wait for the strollers and wheelchairs to maneuver themselves out? No. No she does not, and instead continues elbowing her way out the elevator. Honestly, she expended more energy elbowing all of us than she would have spent walking the extra 5 feet to the escalator. Anyway, this sounds minor, but for me, it’s a huge pet peeve. My roommate, for instance, uses a wheelchair because he has a disability. He can’t walk (hence the chair) but he also has a tough time moving in general. A tough time moving in general means he can’t turn his head around to see who is coming up behind him. This results in a blind spot. So if there’s a kamikaze elevator lady coming at him, there’s a very real chance he won’t see her and could run her over. A motorized wheelchair weighs a solid 300 pounds. Which is decidedly less than a car, and honestly if I had to get run over by something I’d choose the wheelchair any day….but really it’s best to just avoid running over people, wouldn’t you say? But that’s hard to do when somebody you didn’t was there steps right in front of the wheel. Plus, there’s the issue of coming too close to him. If you stand or walk too close, you run the risk of bumping his arm. Which is perfectly positioned over his joystick so that he can drive the chair. Which is lovely, when he wants to move. But when his joystick is being driven by accident in a crowded space because somebody hip-checked him, well….let’s just say it has disaster written all over it. It’s the equivalent of driving in a crowded parking lot and having your passenger reach over and jerk the wheel hard. You could crash into anything and it’s not in your control at all.

Side note: people, when you’re out in public, please please please try extra hard to respect the personal bubble of a wheelchair user. I beg you. The world will be a better place. I promise.

Anyway, this lady didn’t just shove us, either. She made no distinction between patron with disability and new mother. She didn’t care where she stepped, who she stepped on, or whose way she got in, as long as she got off the elevator first.

But she did eventually get out, and the rest of us followed suit. So, into the store we go. But sure enough, once we’re in and start shopping, I see the same lady in one of the aisles. It just so happened I needed to reach over her for something. She was standing there reading labels and browsing, and I needed something on the top shelf where she was. So, I said ‘excuse me’ and asked her if I could get in there to grab it. She didn’t move, so I ended up trying to reach around her. Again, not a big deal. Except it quickly became one. I’m short, and even with a straight path, the top shelf is not an easy reach for me. I didn’t have a straight shot here, because the lady wouldn’t move. So I grabbed what I needed, but by mistake I knocked over the item next to it. Of course I did. And of course it fell from the top shelf, right onto the lady’s shoulder. I’m not sure if it hurt as much as all our ribs from being elbowed by her, but she reacted as if I’d shot her. I apologized, but she kept rubbing her shoulder and saying how much I’d hurt her and looking at me like I’d thrown something at her.

Even though I apologized and felt genuinely bad for hurting her, her reaction had me seething. She could have avoided the problem by taking one step back. She purposely didn’t. Her action was deliberate, and mine was a mistake. And honestly, by that time I was starting to think she deserved a thump in the shoulder after all the trouble she’d caused the rest of us.

It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized this was a perrrrfect opportunity to exercise the “Love is patient” part of this passage, and that I’d failed completely. If she wouldn’t get out of my way, I should have been patient enough to wait for her to be done. If she was acting so miserable, I should have been patient enough to have a heart to love her anyway. I missed the boat completely, because I was focused on myself and my errand and not on Jesus. Could He have used me in that moment? I have no idea. I’ll never know because I gave Him no chance to.

But if nothing else, this incident served to show me how quickly little everyday moments can become a test. And not just a test; it’s these everyday moments that allow us to walk out what we preach. As for me, God has called me to a time of prayer, fasting, and focus on 1 Corinthians 13, to redefine my walk and bring it further into submission of what love is. If my reaction to that lady was any indication, it’s a good thing He is!!! I know God is being patient with me, and will guide me through these revelations and opportunities. Still, I hope I do better next time!

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Judgement

May28

And why behold you the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? ~ Matthew 7:3

I recently was asked to testify at a church I was going to since it was my last service with them (another month another hospital). It was literally “okay, everyone sit down and will [Rebekah M] please give a testimony since it is your last service with us?” No time for preparation. And so I stumbled through trying to encourage others that I’ve found that as I struggle to keep God first, even when it’s 10PM at night and I’m realizing that it’s been hours since I last spoke with God, He’s still happy to hear from me. I happened to mention that I don’t understand how people with families do this since I’m having a hard time as is.

This led one of the members of that church to message me and say that he felt it was my chosen profession that is causing this in my life. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m currently in medical school. Yes, it’s going to get harder before it gets easier, but when God sets something up in your life you dig in, grab His hand, and go along for the ride He’s taking you on. To try to tell a future doctor that it is the profession they have chosen that is taking them away from God and that it will only continually get worse when they themselves are NOT a doctor is incredibly frustrating to be on the receiving end of.

The biggest problem I have with what he has said to me is to continually refer to me becoming a doctor as “the profession you have chosen” when I took two years between college and medical school to figure out if I should even apply to medical school then, when I was applying I asked God to get me in if He wanted it. Beyond that, when I was flying out of the city of my current medical school, I looked down and I said to God “Lord, if this is truly what You want for me, You know- I’d be stepping out in complete faith- no friends, no family, no church. I’d be completely reliant on You if You send me there.” Lo and behold, that was the school I ended up going to. As He continued to bless me with passing tests when I knew I shouldn’t, and even helped me in a situation with a staff member, it continued to solidify in my heart that I am in His Will. The churches I have had to visit because of being sent from hospital to hospital have always been His timing and I know His hand is on my life.

All that said, this only pushes me to solidify within myself to be mindful of how I think of others and their walk with Christ. I must not judge others and their walk because I do not live their life. I don’t know what God has and has not called them to. I cannot say it is not the road God has for them. Let us all keep in mind that we should be careful of judging others and their walk for only God knows what is in the heart and we should look at our own walk before looking at others.

Rebekah M.

The Blessing Of Unworthiness

May27

“Then He turned toward the woman and said to Simon, ‘Do you not see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven – as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” ~Luke 7:44-47

If you read Luke 7 in its entirety, you’ll see that Jesus is dining at the house of a Pharisee when a woman comes in. She’s a sinner. We don’t know what her sins are; perhaps like so many of us, she has too many to be classified by just one. Jesus even refers to her many sins in the above verse. When she comes in, she merely stays at His feet. His presence moves her to tears, and she uses them to wash his feet. She uses her hair to dry them, and then pours out her perfume on them.

Pouring out perfume doesn’t seem all that significant, but usually perfume was valuable. There were no banks or money at the time. Her perfume may have been her whole inheritance, or possibly for her what the contents of our bank account would be for us. And how did she use her treasure? By pouring it onto the feet of a stranger.

Her attention to Jesus was met with criticism from one of the Pharisees. He allowed it to spark doubt in his mind, thinking ‘if this man were a true prophet, he’d see what a sinner she is.’ Not only did he doubt Jesus’ wisdom, but he judged this woman by her sins and deemed her unworthy to be in the presence of Jesus.

Jesus’ response is the verse I quoted above.

At first glance, the Pharisee has a point. This woman was a sinner. She had no greatness in her that made her worthy of Jesus Christ. What did she have? A desire to be in His presence. A desire so strong that when she came before she was moved to tears. And it was enough. Jesus didn’t turn her away. He didn’t judge her for her sins or tell her she was unclean or unworthy. He saw her desire to be with Him. Regardless of her lifestyle, regardless of her sins or dirt, He saw the sincerity of her desire and the sincerity of her tears. He saw her love for Him. And it was enough. She didn’t need to confess or clean herself or change her clothes or renounce her lifestyle. She came before Him just as she was. And for Jesus, that was enough. She, a sinner, who had no merit but the love and desire of her heart, was enough for Him. And she was welcome in His presence.

So am I, and so are you. We don’t have to dress up, or look a certain way, or get our lives together first. We don’t need to pass ‘Go’ and collect $200 first. We just need to show up, exactly as we are, with whatever we have to give. So often, we let our circumstances push us away from God. It’s almost like we’re thinking “God I didn’t really live up to Your expectations today, so I’m not going to spend time with you today. See you tomorrow.” As if we can hide! But for some reason we think that way. We think we need to be worthy or to redeem ourselves first. And that’s not how it works. We, the sinners and the unworthy, are welcome in the presence of Jesus any time. If we desire to go to Him, we can. Praise God for that. How many kings do you know who let the common beggars into their courts at any time they wanted to enter? How many beggars would be allowed to formally go before their king while still dressed in their rags? Yet that’s exactly what Jesus does for us – He is there, His door is open, and we are welcome exactly as we are.

As for this woman, maybe it was the peace of His presence, so unlike the tumultuous world around us, that moved her so powerfully. Maybe she had a moment of true repentance. Maybe she felt His love, and perhaps was unfamiliar with love of that magnitude. I’m not sure. All I know is that His presence had such an effect on her that she was weeping at His feet. She didn’t even need to look upon His face or make eye contact to feel the holiness of Him. She wept at His feet. Then she used those tears to wait on Him. She washed His feet. She used her own hair to dry them. She didn’t have water or a cloth; we don’t how affluent she was, but either way it wasn’t her home so she certainly didn’t have it on hand. She was so moved that she gave everything she had: her tears, and her hair. And then she gave Him the one thing of material value that she did have on hand – her perfume. However hard she’d worked, whatever she’d done to earn it, paled in comparison to Jesus. And so, onto His feet the perfume went.

That’s an amazing story, when you think about it. This was not a woman who went in for righteousness and lots of time at the church. This was probably not a woman who gave much thought to tithing, and possibly not much thought to God. Maybe she had an underlying desire to live a different life, but she came to Him a sinner. So clearly, whatever her underlying desire was, nothing had sufficiently moved her to change yet. Her sinful self, with that underlying desire to be in the presence of Jesus, was enough to get her in the door. Not until she was in the presence of God did she know that this was more valuable than her perfume. And she was right. His presence brought out the best in her, and she waited on Him with love in her heart. She loved Him instantly, and strongly enough to give her wealth to his feet. He, in turn, gave her forgiveness. You know what comes with forgiveness: renewal, peace, salvation even. He gave her a new life. He even brings it one step further by saying that he who has been forgiven little loves little. What He means is, it’s because this woman is a sinner that she is moved so much. It’s because she is ‘unworthy’ that His acceptance and forgiveness is that much more powerful to her. His strength truly is perfected in our weakness.

Let’s praise God for that. A new life waits for us in His presence. In His presence and in His love is a life more valuable than any material possession we have. Whether we have nothing but our own tears and hair, or whether we have priceless perfume, He has more for us.

So I invite you today to go to Him. Bring yourself even further into His presence. Forget the cares of the day or mistakes you’ve made; forget how you look. Just go to Him. Give Him what you have, be it little or much, and see what He gives your spirit in return.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

And just to inspire you more, here’s a song that’s in my head today:

Packing Day Music: With All My Heart

May26

A song in the deep of my heart is singing. I want to love Jesus and get to know Him better. I searched Youtube and found this song singing exactly how I’ve been feeling!!! Yes, there are SO many things to accomplish- today is packing, moving, and studying. Yet, in all this I feel a deep cord calling me to still remember- Christ is the center of my life. Pressures may come but He is faithful. He will hold me up. What a good, mighty God we serve!

Song of the Day: Our God

May24

Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of interesting things. Circumstances beyond anything I thought I’d ever get to be part of have arisen and all I can do is thank God. Just the other day I saw a classic case of something doctors hope to not see because it is hard to have a good outcome and yet the doctors I was observing fixed it perfectly and everyone was healthy in the end. Who would have thought that as a student I would see so many rare things? From seeing things from out of a textbook to helping to save lives, God has opened the doors of opportunity to me.

This God we serve gives us so many wonderful things in our life when we are willing to let Him lead and willing to put Him first. I may fail at times, but I do try and I know He just asks for our best and puts in the rest. I love Him for this wonderful life He’s giving me.

As you listen to this song today sing it as a personal song- My God is greater. My God is stronger. God You are higher than any other. My God is healer. Awesome in Power. My God. My God!

As I continue to pass by places where my ex and I had memories (for as noted in previous posts, I’m currently working at a hospital in the city where my ex and I had many of our first dates), it reminds me daily of how wonderful this healing God of mine is. The pain has fallen away. The sense of loss is gone. I KNOW I have a bright wonderful future and hope for He has promised me such (Jeremiah 29:11).

Worship Him with me today.

Rebekah M.

Dancing Before the Lord

May22

Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. ~ Jeremiah 31:13

Last night, I decided to go to bed a little earlier than intended to have a chat with Jesus. Although I did talk to Him a bit, it wasn’t until I quieted my heart and allowed Him to whisper to me just how much He missed me that everything fell back into place in my heart. For a bit (as I’m sure it’s been apparent in my posts) I’ve been preoccupied with ideas of “Isaac.” Who is he? Where is he? Is he just around the corner? But last night, I got up from my bed, danced and worshiped before the Lord, and allowed God to bring me back to where I should be.

I once again shed the idea of searching for Isaac, keeping my eyes wide open for him, and looked back to where my focus should be: Jesus. As I danced, I shed hopes and dreams and found myself freed. Does God want good things for us? YES. However, do we need to even give thought to those good things that will come? A resounding “no” is going throughout my heart today.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. ~Matthew 6:34

As I’ve said before and Jesus cemented into my heart even more last night, I just need to pursue God and everything will just fall into place. I know that as everything falls away from my life, God will take care of me. If He wants me to have a husband, He will provide it. If He wants me to have kids, He will make it possible. If I am to pass medical school, He will make it come to pass. In this time I just need to do as I started out intending to do: do everything as if unto God. With a spirit of excellence, seek to pursue God will all that I have; seek to represent God in all that I do; seek to tell everyone of this mighty wonderful Jesus. And so, last night I danced before the Lord in the dark of my room and I shed my cares as I worshiped the God who died for me.

Rebekah M.

Around the Corner/At the Alter

May20

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~ Ps 37:4

Lately, I just haven’t been able to shake the feeling that God has my future husband right around the corner. No, I don’t think I’m going to get married in a split second (LOL!) but something in me just keeps feeling like “Isaac is almost here, you’re about to meet Isaac.” And so I can’t help but wonder: how much of this is me and how much of this is God? All I do know is that I have to continue to just keep giving it back to God, for if it is true and real and of Him, then it will come to pass. For when my God says “it is so” then it. is. so.

In all this though, I can’t help but keep wondering about everything that surrounded my past relationship, especially since I’ve been in the city where he and I had our first few dates. When I think of my ex and his friends, I can’t help but feel like God is going to punish for what they did to me. His friends, who had claimed to be my friends, cut me off. Never asked if I was doing okay. Never bothered to find out my side of the story. I even wished two of them a happy mother’s day and they never responded. How can you be like that and call yourself a follower of Christ? Would it really hurt to be a human being and just say “thank you, I hope you’re doing well too!” However, I know that JESUS knows what happened and JESUS is my witness and my God. More than that, I keep feeling like God is pushing into my heart to learn to love like He does- unconditionally. LONG before we reciprocated, He loved us and died for us anyhow. So it makes me all the more determined to strive to pour love out around me and look to JESUS as the source of unending love that can, through Him, continually pour out. If it never is sent back, so be it- I pray they are blessed regardless. If it is, to God be the glory for giving me good people in my life.

Today the sermon was about leaving it all at the alter and how we need an alter in our daily life. We need to give Christ our lives daily and it is at the alter that our lives are altered. And so, I gave the whole thing back to God today and realized, with joy, that I had nothing really to give about my ex but it has been the hurt from his friends cutting me off that I had to give to Him. What a wonderful, mighty God that we serve that 6 months after everything, I can now say with honesty that yes, there is slight residual I mean- he was my first kiss, handhold, and I thought I was marrying him (esp after he said he already picked the ring out and had originally picked out a day to propose)- BUT I can pass the places where we had dates and our first kiss and still, I am okay and not only that, I can give God glory for full emotional healing. God brought me to this city to show me His wonderful, cleansing power. He has cleaned me from my past so that my future Isaac can make an appearance… and it’s right around the corner…

Rebekah M.

It’s All In The Details

May19

“In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will.” ~Ephesians 1:11

I have a cool story to share with you all. I’m currently in Orlando with my roommate. It’s my first time travelling with him, but the trip is an annual one. The week has been packed with a fun mix of touristy things and seeing family and friends.

Today I had the pleasure of meeting some old family friends of his, a Christian couple who hosts a weekly Bible study in their home (plus the husband is an elder at their church). If you’ve read this blog, you know how much I love a good Jesus chat, so it was amazing to share testimony and stories with them, and actually sparked solid prayer for my roommate and me later on in the evening.

Anyway, when my roommate would see them every year they’d take some time to witness to him and talk a bit about Jesus. They told me that two years ago, during his visit, they’d prayed for a bigger Christian influence to come into his life. Having met me today, they said they considered me the answer to their prayer.

That’s flattering and humbling, but it’s even cooler when you consider the following: Within a few weeks of their praying, my roommate and I first chatted (we first ‘met’ via Facebook, through a mutual friend). Between the time that they would have prayed and we first talked, his name would randomly come up on my newsfeed, and while I didn’t know him I was seeing him everywhere. Also, my walk wasn’t strong at all back then. I was a completely different person and I can’t say we had any chats at all, but the plan was set in motion.

For my part, to move New York was something I prayed extensively over, and God gave me numerous signs He wanted me there. Since moving, my walk has developed like crazy. I used to be a follower when it came to prayer and belief; now I lead it regularly. Old friends have commented on the change in both my spiritual confidence and prayer language. I’m no longer afraid to ‘take the plunge’ and act on something I feel God is saying. I figure that, like most things, the worst that can happen is my pride gets hurt, and I’m not supposed to have that anyway.

So, spiritually, my move to New York has been amazing for me. Not only has it been amazing for me, but it’s been amazing for my roommate as well. We pray together and talk about Jesus all the time. Not only has it been amazing for us individually, but it was in answer to the prayers spoken by this couple, nearly a year and a half before I ever moved in. Like I said, it’s a cool story.

It never fails to surprise me just how big the ‘big picture’ can be, or what else is in it besides my little tunnel of information. Yet, God ordains every detail more intricately than we could even imagine. So I just wanted to take a second to be truly awed by His ways and how He moves. From His ways, to His timing, to His plan, He is amazing. He ordains our lives down to the tiniest detail, and guides our steps according to His plan; all we have to do is submit ourselves enough to let Him.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Pressures

May18

As I go through this life, I can’t help but feel like there are times where there is SO much that needs to be done. This needs to be cleaned, that task needs addressing, studying, packing, moving in a week, test in a little over a week, need to workout, need to eat… etc. etc. etc… But as these pressures make me feel like buckling in I hear Him calling me to just center myself in Him. Join me dear readers in finding in Him today, all that we need. To just fall into His arms of safety and peace. Let’s walk into the destinies He has for us as we passionately seek after Him and let the fears and pressures of this world fall away. Run with abandon with me towards the One who makes everything alright.