Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~ Ps 37:4
Lately, I just haven’t been able to shake the feeling that God has my future husband right around the corner. No, I don’t think I’m going to get married in a split second (LOL!) but something in me just keeps feeling like “Isaac is almost here, you’re about to meet Isaac.” And so I can’t help but wonder: how much of this is me and how much of this is God? All I do know is that I have to continue to just keep giving it back to God, for if it is true and real and of Him, then it will come to pass. For when my God says “it is so” then it. is. so.
In all this though, I can’t help but keep wondering about everything that surrounded my past relationship, especially since I’ve been in the city where he and I had our first few dates. When I think of my ex and his friends, I can’t help but feel like God is going to punish for what they did to me. His friends, who had claimed to be my friends, cut me off. Never asked if I was doing okay. Never bothered to find out my side of the story. I even wished two of them a happy mother’s day and they never responded. How can you be like that and call yourself a follower of Christ? Would it really hurt to be a human being and just say “thank you, I hope you’re doing well too!” However, I know that JESUS knows what happened and JESUS is my witness and my God. More than that, I keep feeling like God is pushing into my heart to learn to love like He does- unconditionally. LONG before we reciprocated, He loved us and died for us anyhow. So it makes me all the more determined to strive to pour love out around me and look to JESUS as the source of unending love that can, through Him, continually pour out. If it never is sent back, so be it- I pray they are blessed regardless. If it is, to God be the glory for giving me good people in my life.
Today the sermon was about leaving it all at the alter and how we need an alter in our daily life. We need to give Christ our lives daily and it is at the alter that our lives are altered. And so, I gave the whole thing back to God today and realized, with joy, that I had nothing really to give about my ex but it has been the hurt from his friends cutting me off that I had to give to Him. What a wonderful, mighty God that we serve that 6 months after everything, I can now say with honesty that yes, there is slight residual I mean- he was my first kiss, handhold, and I thought I was marrying him (esp after he said he already picked the ring out and had originally picked out a day to propose)- BUT I can pass the places where we had dates and our first kiss and still, I am okay and not only that, I can give God glory for full emotional healing. God brought me to this city to show me His wonderful, cleansing power. He has cleaned me from my past so that my future Isaac can make an appearance… and it’s right around the corner…