I know Rebekah L just posted earlier today but I just have to post this now. I realized just why this break up, early as it is in the relationship as it was, hurt so much. I was just about ready to give him my heart. I was just about ready to jump in no bars held. The deepest cry in my heart has been to have that guy who I could honestly say to him:
Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you: for where you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge: your people shall be my people, and your God my God: ~Ruth 1:16
Yet God is helping me see that what I need is a man who will say this with me to each other but with a twist:
Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you: for where you go, I will go- for it is after Christ; and where you lodge, I will lodge- for it will be with Christ: your people shall be my people, and your God shall be our God.
I don’t know who he is or where he is, but I know now more than ever that this cry of Christ to just passionately pursue after Him is a cry to just throw it all aside. Just toss EVERYTHING to the wayside and believe with all faith and in every fiber of my being that there is someone who will pursue after Him as desperately as I am. Someone who will not think “where do I want to go?” but thinks “where does God want for me?” For that is the deepest cry of my heart. Until I find a man who just so instinctively trusts God with every step of his life as I do, I need God to help guard my heart. He allowed this break up because He knew that had I met ex #2′s parents before the break up, my heart would have been his.
For now, my heart still is remorseful over the fact that he just couldn’t try. Just try and see if we could be the most amazing thing to happen to both our lives but I know now more than ever that it was right- at least for now… perhaps forever. Perhaps Jesus really does have a “third time’s the charm” for me. All I do know is that:
This is my declaration- I will pursue after You with all my heart. I will run after You and should there never be a man who runs beside me after You then You will be enough. You will hold my heart. You’ve held it before and You will continue to do so. I so wanted to give ex #2 my heart but he wasn’t ready for it. Maybe he never will be because maybe he’ll never be able to trust YOU with his heart like I do. So be it- You will watch over me and provide everything I need- even companionship- even if it’s only in the form of many friendships- I trust You. I trust You. I trust You Jesus. This is my declaration- I love and will pursue after You Jesus with all that I have.