Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.Psalm 27:11
As I was driving today (500+ miles and 8hrs of driving), I took the majority of the time to just worship God while listening to music and chat with Him. It’s amazing to me that after all this time, He can still seem so new and wonderful and good. I found within me some darkness that I just need to keep submitting to Him. To be truthful part of me wants revenge in a way. I want the tables to be turned on one who hurt me… or so I had flashes of time today while driving in which I did. Quickly, I submitted it to God and asked Him to just stop me from a root of bitterness growing within me. If I am ever to have a good future with a wonderful, Godly man, I need to fight against anger, hatred, bitterness, and malice from planting themselves into my heart and growing. What my ex did to me… it wasn’t THE most horrible thing that could have been done, for he was never physically abusive, but there were moments where I felt completely controlled and when I started to exert my own independence, he left me faster than you could say “boo!” I try not to think about our past relationship because I don’t want to dwell on things that can cause me bitterness but today part of me wanted to just rehash things to glean about my own actions and how I could change myself… but I think perhaps maybe I should just leave the past in the past for good. Even if there are actions that I could learn to avoid in the future, the girl who dated that boy is no longer the same person.
Also throughout the drive I just felt like I’m in a weird place right now- not a battle and yet not completely in my victory yet. I felt that, just as on hikes in this world lead to some parts of the paths being tortuous and demanding, we can have moments of extreme trial, and then there will be ones beside bodies of water where there is refreshing and beauty to sooth our souls. Then… there are moments where you’re just getting between the two. I feel that I’m there right now. Not in battle and yet not at the gorgeous scenic portions of my path… just traveling along. It seemed to me that in this time, the test is faithfulness. Can I stay faithful to Him when I don’t HAVE to cling to Him for strength every moment? Can I stay faithful to Him even when I’ve had a string of victories but no big ones in the last few days?
I think that God’s ways are so much above our own as Job realized through his fiery trial. During my own trial by fire I had a moment in which I abhorred myself. I saw my sinful nature for what it truly was and I broke down before Him, asking forgiveness for EVERYTHING and asking Him to just help me trust Him for His ways are above our own. Who was (and still am) I to question Him and how things turn out? I think that was the key to passing through. I learned to see things in a new light- in His light and it truly lighted my way. This plain path- it’s not saying easy or simple… it means to reveal the path so it is understood. When we realize that our path, good or bad, WILL turn out for our good in the end (Romans 8:28), then the concept that His ways are above our own can be fully embraced.
Help us today embrace the understanding that everything on this path in life will turn out for our good when we submit it all to you. Help us today fight against any roots of bitterness from springing up within us. Help us give you our all- the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. Lord, I praise You that Your ways are above our own. I praise and worship You that there is none like You and no one else can touch our hearts like You do (as the song says). Thank You Jesus that You turn our ashes into beauty. Thank You that You give us a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. It is up to us to put in on however. When I was so hurt and upset I would get up and go to my prayer closet and just start dancing before Him. I may not have felt like it at first but I would. So Lord, help these readers do that if they are struggling today. Help them just praise and worship You believing and then KNOWING that You have it all in Your hands. I love You Lord with all my heart.