Dropping My Agenda

“Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.” ~Psalm 119:36

You know from my last post that I’ve been feeling like I’m in limbo lately. God told me to move in certain areas, and now I feel like He’s saying not to move but to wait for Him instead, and it’s just a weird place to be in overall. But I’ve been finding that there’s a positive to this. The more I’m waiting on God to speak to me, the more I have a chance to shift the focus from myself to others. I can get bogged down in my daily issues, and sometimes it makes me pray less fervently when others ask me to. It’s almost like I’m distracted by my own thoughts and my own life, so I’m less invested in theirs. Selfish, I know. Call it a character flaw. Sorry. HOWEVER, when I know that I need to be waiting on God, I don’t understand the point of worrying about myself. It’s simple: I trust God, and He said wait, so I’m going to wait. I’m going to pray for His wisdom and pray into His timeline and leave the rest to Him. Worrying about it and analyzing and even just focusing on it too much would sort of being like saying I don’t believe God can take care of it. Since I do believe He can, I’m just getting out of His way and letting Him.

But while I am waiting for His timeline to come to pass, I need to do something in the meantime, right? Since I’m already covered and just waiting for God to do His thing, this wait time takes away my innate selfishness. When I’m not as focused on myself, it gives me a really good chance to pray deeply and fervently over everybody else. Bring it on, kids – let’s all be covered together! And wouldn’t you know it, as soon as I have the free time to devote to extra prayer, issue after issue has come up among my friends. Some issues have even come up among strangers, and I have time to pray for them too! Some have health issues in their families, while others are facing the consequences of some bad choices. Regardless of the situation, each is difficult and requires lots of prayer and time before the Lord. I’ve even been able to give more to that time of preprayer (I posted about it here) and meditation to let God guide my words and thoughts when I speak to Him. I’m grateful that God truly knows how to use me, and knows how to direct me, and His timeline is perfect. I didn’t see it coming, but His timeline has been perfect. Thanks, Jesus!

Meanwhile, I was listening to this sermon today about how so often we seek God, and we try to find Him, and we don’t. We expect our lives to be drastically different having sought Him, and they aren’t. And often one of the reasons for that is we seek Him without fully accepting Him. We consider our own lives to be of utmost importance, and we take control over our own destiny. As for Jesus, we just invite Him in. We let Him come along for the ride, to enhance what we’ve already got. And that is the complete wrong perspective. Jesus is the king, and if we think of Him as anything less we are not truly seeking Him. Consequently, we don’t find Him because we don’t see Him; we don’t recognize Him as the King He is, because we’re busy putting ourselves in that position.

So overall, the underlying theme of today was selfishness, and it just gave me a chance to examine my heart. I don’t think I put myself above God or that I consider myself to be king of my own kingdom; but I do know I could definitely be more submissive, so maybe I do put myself above God at times. I certainly do that when my focus on my own life inhibits my praying for others. I learned today how well I pray for people when I’m not focused on myself. Yet, God’s timing is perfect, and He used me today in spite of myself. How awesome a God we serve!!

Jesus, thank You for the way You moved in me today. Help me to come before You without my own agenda, but with Yours. Help me to trust that you have all things in Your hands, especially Your timing. Your ways are so far above mine God, that it shocks me to think of myself as more important than You. But I clearly act that way sometimes. So God, do a work in my heart and transform those self-absorbed areas so that You can use me like this no matter what my life looks like. I love You God and  I trust in You fully. I submit my heart to You.

I invite you, readers, to reflect on your hearts with me today, and re-declare Christ as your King. If you are stuck in a limbo like I am, check you heart to make sure you’re not seeking God with your own agenda in mind. Maybe He told you something you didn’t want to hear, so you’re still looking for a different answer. Maybe you are just listening for His word on one specific thing and have blinders on when it comes to everything else. Check in with yourself and with God to make sure your heart’s pure and open to receive the fullness of His message and plan for you today. If that’s not the problem, and it’s not a heart issue, look at the others around you. Do they need your time and attention and prayer right now? Maybe God is putting your path on hold so that you can focus on them. Ask Him! And of course, if you’re the one who needs extra prayer or encouragement today, I’d love to give it! I’m in limbo after all. So write to me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com. Hope to hear from you!

God bless!

~Rebekah A


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