Matthew 16:6: “Then Jesus said unto them, Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees.”
Jesus’ disciples thought He was talking about actual leaven but Jesus rebukes them and they realized he was talking about the doctrine of the Pharisees and Sadducees. I think as a Christian, there is a temptation to look like we’re living for Christ but not really. Even now, I sometimes feel like I’m starting to revert back to my old way of just sounding like one who loves Christ, and looking like one, but I need to bring back that unquenchable passion for Him. I don’t want to live a mediocre life where He isn’t my everything. I get distracted by the guys, by med school, things I need to learn, movies, even sudoku. Have I been keeping up with my BREAD (Bible Reading Enriches Any Day)… yes… but do I do it with a hunger to know Him better? Have I said prayers? Somewhat but not with the time or intensity of when I was in my ordeal. Do I look for Him in everything I do? Honestly I don’t feel like it is almost EVERYTHING as it was when without Him in almost every breath I took, I felt I couldn’t survive. That intense pain birthed a hunger and thirst for Him like I never had before. I hope I can refind that intense, deep, passionate need for Him again because I never want to go through such intense pain and sorrow just to ground myself better in Him again.
Help me refind that intense passion for You. Help me rededicate myself to You. I feel like it’s just been circles lately. I’ll regain a little ground and then lose it. Help me to rid myself of this leaven once and for all for just a little goes through the whole lump! I need You Jesus more than anything else in this world. If this means forgetting the guys, then so be it. I need and want You more than them. I’ll focus on You and see how You handle them being in my life… should they decide to stop talking to me, so be it. Should they decide to continue on this path and even deepen things by praying more with me, so be it. I put it all in Your hands. I love You Jesus with everything in me and all my heart.