Mark 11:23-26 “Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
As I looked for scriptures for my intended topic this scripture appeared. I knew that God wanted this connection but for anyone who’s been keeping up, you need to bear with me because I’m going to rehash some things for new readers.
Back in December, my ex and I were on a “break” and I had been fasting for almost two weeks when in the middle of Sunday night service my faith welled within me and I said “mountain, be thou removed” with everything within me. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but the very next day around noon my ex changed his status on facebook to “single.” The journey since then has been interesting and people who meet me in person often are surprised when they find out that I was almost engaged less than half a year ago and the way I found out my ex was done with me was via facebook (no text, email, call or anything… just one day saw that he was apparently now single without ever informing me that I was no longer in a relationship with a guy who supposedly had picked the ring out). In my heart I knew that God MUST be in it for never in my life did I feel such faith when saying that and I didn’t even specifically say WHAT mountain.. just commanded it and KNEW that it was gone.
Last night at Ladies’ Prayer, we gathered at the front and were asked to pray for healing for each other because there was great need. As I began to pray, I had EVERY intention to pray for all the unknown needs when God’s love, forgiveness, and healing came flooding through. The tears poured forth and I knew that I was healed. Do I know all of the healing? No. But I know that God has healed me from my past relationship with my ex. I’m ready now to start a new relationship with the right guy. Tonight as I spoke with my roommate I was even able to talk about good memories about my ex but recognized that the man I THOUGHT I was dating was truly just a broken boy who needs to grow more in God before he’ll ever be ready to take on a wife. God, however, isn’t going to allow me to be hurt repeatedly so He removed me from the situation for my own safety and sanity.
After my cousin committed suicide, my heart was so broken and hurt. How could I know and love the God of this universe and yet my own cousin was in such despair that he jumped off a building? For months I lived in anguish- random things causing me to break down and cry. When I finally began to have true healing, I started being able to think on him and remember the good times like the last time I saw him- he, his little brother, and I played card games late into the night laughing and catching up.
I know I’m healed because although I don’t want to chase back after my ex, I know don’t even want to actively run away should that ever be an option. I’ve given up on caring either way. I’m leaving EVERY option up to God for who knows how He works? I choose to allow God to be the Master of my now blank canvas to write whatever story He wants. I am healed, unexpectedly, mercifully, wonderfully healed.
I thank You that You healed me even when I wasn’t seeking it. I thank You that You said wait until April not for dating… but for me to finally be READY to date… by healing my heart completely on the last day of April! Lord, I am excited about the future You have in store for me. You know one of my desires in this world is to work side by side with a man as his wife and together- our prayers will shake the foundations because we know, love, and trust You. Together, we will work in Your kingdom, planting the seeds You provide. Together we will build where You tell us, break down what You instruct us to, and LIVE for YOU. I love You Jesus with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.