Unsure Territory

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. ~Deuteronomy 31:6

Today is my “yet another month another move” and part of me is unsure how I am going to handle things.  I’m about to move to the city where my ex and I would meet since we lived hours apart from each other and honestly, I’m in a weird place mentally.  It’s the city where I had my first hand hold, my first cuddle fest, and my first kiss. I know I’m a better person for the way I allowed God to show me how to handle things when everything fell apart, but I’m scared. I don’t know if I can handle facing my past even though it’s been six months.

At youth service on Friday night, Jesus and I had heart to heart at alter service. The sermon was about how we don’t know what’s about to happen around the corner and we need to tell everyone about Jesus because tomorrow isn’t promised.  It brought back memories for me of how I wanted to go HOME (ie heaven) so badly at times after the break up.  When he dumped me as harshly as he did, he stripped away the scales from my eyes and I realized I had loved a lie and I was just done with the world. I had always wanted Jesus to wait until I was married to come back and instead I didn’t even care anymore.  However, because I was also praying HOURS (4-6) a day and fasting (in total it was 9 weeks with 2 breaks in 2.5 months) God used that to transform me into someone who didn’t care about how things looked when I shared Him with others openly.  I lived for Him with abandon for the first time in my life and it was awesome.

Lately, I’ve been trying to get back to that state and between this up coming move, meeting with my prayer partner in person (yay!), and youth service I felt it coming back stronger.  Yes, there are potential guys but God told me to just focus on Him with everything I have and the right guy will chase after me. They will call or text me if they truly want to develop a deeper relationship and I just need to be happy when they do (and openly show my happiness) and not care when they don’t because I’ll be too busy with Jesus and finishing up my schooling to care.

While abandoning everything (fear of failing my schooling, fear of the future, my wondering who will finally try to claim this treasure that is my heart, etc) and just pursuing Christ and the things of Christ, I have a promise.  I have a promise that (unlike people) He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will go with me where ever I go and He will not betray me (or fail me). How amazing it be if we would all passionately seek Him with everything we have! What if we abandoned our fears of rejection and ridicule and just told people about this amazing, loving, forgiving, powerful Jesus Christ who washes our sins away and gives us the strength to live an abundant life with grace, peace and joy?


I thank You that I have that promise in Deuteronomy.  I thank You that there is none like You and You love me with a pure love that will never betray nor hurt me.   I praise You for I know that as I seek to abandon it all for You and just share You with the world, You are with me. I thank You that there is no other God beside You. You are the one true God and I love You with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.  

Rebekah M. 

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