I’m going to cut right to the chase here. I’ve been struggling lately – a lot -with my personal Babylon (If you don’t get the Babylon reference, I first posted about it here). I’ll even tell you what it is: it starts with an ‘s’ and rhymes with ‘Rex’. See, before I really knew Jesus, I defined myself by my sexuality. Am I proud of it? No. Of course not. But it was a big part of me nonetheless.
Now, I am having a hard time redefining myself without that part of my past in the equation. Today I realized that part of me is clinging to my past because I’m simply not ready to let it go. I know that God has a new identity waiting for me, and all I need to do is claim it and walk in it, but for some reason I’m just not ready to. I’ve been choosing my Babylon and choosing to dwell in my past instead of choosing God. I know that my future as God’s heir will be shaped by my submission, and that my walk will be exponentially closer with Him. And yet, I can’t bring myself to break that final chain.
To my mind, this is not ok. If i were as Kingdom-minded as I want to be, my desires would be God’s desires; instead, my desire is shutting God out.
So it’s time to reclaim myself in God. It’s time to get myself refocused on my Father, and get myself grounded again in my walk with Him. To that end, tomorrow (Thursday) I’ll be starting a time of fasting and prayer to get myself back on track.
I am using my transparency today partly because I have a theory that we should be open. If we’re living right, our lives are a testimony. If we’re making mistakes, we leave ourselves open to support and prayer to get back on track. Fear of how we’ll look in the face of our mistakes or fear of judgement or people’s opinions isn’t a godly fear, I don’t think. Rather I think it’s a fear based on pride, and none of us need to go down that road. So choosing to be open about my mistakes, and come what may I’m trusting in God to use my walk – flaws and all.
The other reason I’m posting about it is to invite you to join me in fast and prayer. Believe me, I could use all the prayer I can get! But if there is a chain in your own life that is keeping you down, I ask you to join me in focusing yourself on God and trusting Him to break it. Join me in submitting your Babylon, even if it’s scary being without it. It’s time to take a book out of Rebekah M’s page and repeat to ourselves “God, I want you more.” and together let’s see where that takes us.
Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and know I’ll be praying for you too! God bless!
~ Rebekah A