Losing My Purpose

So, for the past week or so, I’ve felt like I’m in a stagnant place with God. I want to be running after Him and being one with Him and being a soldier for Him, and I’m not sure where to go with it. It’s like getting ready for a race, and the starting gun goes off, and it’s time to start sprinting, but suddenly you find that the track is gone. It’s just this weird, wasting-time feeling.

What got me out of it? Facebook. Or specifically, a post I saw from a friend. Which went something like this: “Harshest reality – I’m not needed. Greatest reality – I’m wanted.”

And all at once it hit me. God doesn’t need me. It’s not always about being used by Him, or sprinting. God doesn’t need me. Really, He doesn’t. He could make anything happen that He wants to, with or without my insignificant self. He doesn’t need me.

It’s a harrowing thought. We humans need a purpose in our lives. It’s been said that as people age, it’s when they lose their purpose in life that they slow down the most and get the sickest. One of our oldest questions is “Why am I here?” One of the most fundamental desires we have is to be needed. And yes, God has a plan and a purpose for us all. We aren’t here by mistake. But when it comes down to it, God doesn’t need us.

It touches on an innermost fear of many of us. If we aren’t needed, who will have us? And yet God, the most important being in our lives, doesn’t need us. So where does that leave us? Kind of adrift at times. It’s almost a slap in the face to realize how insignificant we are.

But where it really leaves us can be summed up in one word: wanted. We are not needed. We are wanted. We are desired by One who loves us so much that He created us in the first place. He doesn’t have ulterior motives. He didn’t bring us into existence only to use us, only because he needs us. He brought us into existence because He loves us and wants us.

To fully get an idea of how much He loves us, we have to accept the fact that we are essentially useless. We aren’t needed. We aren’t special. To feel the full strength of God, we need to step into that fear and make ourselves vulnerable to the rejection (who wants an insignificant and useless person?). We need to step into it, to meet God in this innermost place inside of ourselves. Because when we do, we find it isn’t a place of fear at all, but a place of amazing revelation. We need to lose our sense of purpose for a minute, to really appreciate that we aren’t here on our own merit. We aren’t here because we’re special. We aren’t here because we’re skilled. We aren’t here because we’re needed. Sure, I will keep looking for my track to sprint on. But sometimes it’s enough to just walk in the knowledge that here I stand, wanted and loved. And it’s as simple as that.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

 

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