“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” ~ Hebrews 10:23
This week, I got an alert from my bank, telling me that my account had fallen below a certain amount (and it’s a low amount). The jobs I’ve applied for haven’t panned out. I have no more cars to sell. I have no more tax return to deposit. I have no more temporary work lined up. This time, I don’t have a fall-back plan. This time, I am genuinely desperate.
Desperate, yes. Worried? No. See, “Desperate” is exactly where I need to be in order for God to be my true provider. And He wants to be my provider. He wants to be all of our providers. What He needs from us is dependence on Him. Not dependence on Him and my bank account. Not dependence on Him and my roommate. Not dependence on Him and my family. But dependence on Him.
It hit me today when I was with a friend and thinking of financial stresses and I leaned on them. Literally held their arm and leaned. And in that moment I realized it’s not a human being I should be leaning on. It’s not a person I should be holding on to. So for today, I hold on to the promise of God as my provider. I hold on to the promise that I am His and will never be forsaken. I choose to trust Him in this time of desperation, and to give Him all thanks and glory regardless of the blessings I do or don’t receive. No, I’m not giving God an out here. He promised to provide for me and that’s exactly what I expect Him to do. But I mean, just because I’m desperate and dependent doesn’t mean I have nothing. I am here today typing this after all. I’m blessed!! And if a desperate, dependent me can be blessed at the same time, then I can certainly give thanks to the God who already provides for me so much! I’m just at a point where I need to trust Him a little bit more. And I hope it brings me closer to Him than ever!