Song of the Day: Whatever You’re Doing by Sanctus Real

So my ex texted me today saying he missed me.  I’m going to admit it- I gave in and texted him yesterday after silence from him for days.  I saw a quote that made me think of him…

Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think~ Christopher Robin

Pathetic I know… I want to be his friend but I have a gut feeling that part of why I sent that was not just to be only friends forever. I have no clue what I’m doing.  I have no clue why I can’t just forget him.  All I do know is that I miss him. I miss his hugs. I miss the thought that there was hope that we could be something amazing.  We are SO compatible in so many ways but I think part of me needs to cut him off completely soon and just learn to heal.  It was the most painful thing for him to look me in the eye and just say “I can’t” after I fought for him to give our relationship a real try.  After telling me he didn’t feel like he could drive the 2hrs to see me in a nearby city then a few sentences later saying he was going to another city equally as far from him to go see his friend that he hadn’t seen in a while… even after that I still just wish he’d finally just try.

Lord,

Help. I need to stop wishing for this guy to change. I know that if he ever found this he’d be SO angered that I once again am accusing him of not putting in as much as me but really- really? He can drive to another state but the 2hr drive to see me was too much when I was driving 1hr myself and he was the one who picked the “middle ground”? He can drive the same distance for another friend but he couldn’t for his girlfriend that he wouldn’t see for perhaps 2 months?  He could do all that stuff but he just couldn’t for some reason understand why I was asking him to just do the same and see me.  I never asked to go to pricey museums/restaurants.  The most expensive thing we did during our short relationship (that I know of) was going to an amusement park and I made sure to find out when the 1/2 price tickets started.  I tried to find free parks to walk in, cook instead of go out, and was more than happy with Little Cesar’s Pizza. Why then was he so convinced that I was taking advantage of his money? I never cared about how much the gas would cost for me. I never cared about the hours spent driving to him.  All he could see was the $$$ in his eyes and he saw my two mites as dust. Save me from these thoughts Lord.  Save me from wishing for a guy who couldn’t see that spending time with the girl he was dating shouldn’t include considering the gas money when he was happy to spend it on things like trips to Chicago and Michigan.  Why do I keep giving part of me to these guys who clearly don’t get it? Lord… help me find in this chaos some peace from You…

Rebekah M.

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