Kink in the Armor

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. ~ Ephesians 6:13

I’m finding myself at this impasse. With crossing the line with Ex #2 (no, we didn’t sleep together, but I didn’t even want to kiss and we definitely crossed that line), I feel like I greatly weakened my armor. I know that Jesus wants me to throw myself into Him like never before. He’s even called a woman who’s like a second mother to me to even email me as such.  Mercy Me even said it in their concert.  I have had so many instances in which I’ve been told.

But I’m tired.

I’m exhausted mentally from everything:

– moving yet once again
– I just took my boards a week ago
– Ex #2 is still contacting me (I asked him to when we first broke up and part of me is regretting that request) and we act like we never broke up when we do talk- which confuses me to no end
– I met a guy at church who I wish I could get to know better, he’s really one of the hottest guys I have ever met and he’s going to help a foreign country for missions next year for three months
– I’m pretty sure I’ve gained weight or I’m just insanely bloated… lol
– I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep
– I need to apply to residency programs and I’ve barely started

Lord…. HELP ME. This is my cry for help. I don’t know how in the world You can reach me but all I do know is that from yet once again letting that line be crossed with Ex #2 I feel like my armor has kinks in it and so I’m having a hard time standing.  I’m so exhausted mentally/spiritually. I don’t feel like fighting anymore. Part of me wants to give up.  Lord, there are so many guys I could have dated if I just didn’t care about being in You.  Help me to remember the sunshine. Help me to remember that in the end, You reward us for faithfulness.  Remind me that You want only good things for me (Jeremiah 29:11). Remind me that everything is only for my good (Romans 8:28). Save me Jesus. Come to my rescue.  This is my cry for help.

Rebekah M.

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