The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments. ~ Habakkuk 3:19
So the other day God showed me during prayer time that the foundation of one of my high places was actually something that happened to me as a child. It’s interesting how for Rebekah A. the root to something holding her back was also from her childhood. I honestly don’t feel like I am able to be 100% transparent right now about all this. Some times the things we struggle with.. it’s even hard to share it on a mainly anonymous blog. Regardless… this childhood event caused a shift in me that I never fully understood until that moment in prayer. From then on, a huge part of “who I am” was fueled by a fear that I was a certain way- a certain sinful way. This fear caused me to feel less shame when I was acting a bit more sinful in other ways because “then I’m obviously not that way.”
As I prayed more, I have learned bit by bit to give it to Jesus. I can’t change something like that overnight- but I feel like the above scripture gives me hope. This high place in my life- God CAN help me not only tear it down, but actually to cause me to walk over it in a place of dominion. I can overcome it to the point that I can look down from the remnants of it and see how an attack might be coming at me in the future. This God we serve- He gives us strength when it seems all hope is lost. He will cause us to be able to bound about this world majestically like the deer.
Two weekends from now should have been my wedding day. We had been looking at getting married either then or in June 2013. I have been fighting unproductive feelings of bitterness towards my ex and life in general when I see all my friends getting married. I don’t want to be anything but happy for them, but it is hard when they are getting married and I’m not. However, I know I dodged a bullet… more like a nuclear bomb that I was blind to. We would have been SO wrong and yet the feelings had been with me almost all weekend. This morning, though, on my way to work, I had an amazing chat with Jesus; just sat and prayed in tongues as I drove to work and He did a work in my heart. A different “high place” in my life is fear that I will always be alone. It stems from, again, things in my childhood that made me feel ugly and unlovable. Jesus and I are going to work on that but for now- He showed me He would sustain me. That He would cause me to one day be able to not only overcome these high places, but tread upon them like dirt.
Thank You for being with me today. Thank You for Your blessings. I love that You have been with me all day and have shown me that You will sustain me through these next few emotionally trying weeks. Thank You that You will enable me to tear down my high places after You reveal them to me. Thank You that You will enable me to walk on them. I love You Jesus with all my heart.