I’m frustrated with myself.
I have so many good things going for me and yet not getting a text from a virtual stranger today puts me in unrest.
Why? Why do I allow myself to be so easily distracted by things that shouldn’t even really make a difference to me?
Why can’t I just be content with the things in my life?
Why does it seem like I’m practically addicted to the thought of a new chapter of my life starting? I feel like there must be something wrong within myself if I just can’t seem to forget these people and things that shouldn’t matter. Is there hope? Maybe? It’s only been a week. Just one week since there was the first “hello” and yet this (most likely) first day without contact makes me feel unrest in my soul. He doesn’t even know You Jesus. He doesn’t even know who You are. Is this Your way of protecting me?
Give me content in my soul. Give me rest in my mind and heart. Help me learn how to find all that I need in YOU instead of anything or anyone else. You have been all that I needed in the past and this isn’t even a need, it’s just a frustration- mainly with myself. Why do I even care? He got my number from mutual friends and made first contact. If anything, I should feel rather assured and yet all I feel is annoyance at myself over this whole thing.
Save me from my own ruminations. Save me from my thoughts. Help me find peace and contentment within myself. I need You Jesus more than ever to help me learn contentment in You. I love You Jesus.
Psalms 103:4 “For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.” We too have to remember. I used to get frustrated with myself so much that I’d give myself a headache. I would over analyze everything, get anxious then start worrying which, of course, would lead to doubt…
You see where I’m leading? Frustration is a booger BUT it can be overcome like anything else our flesh and the adversary sends our way. How? By praise and thanksgiving (you’re already doing that! :)) and by remembering all the wonderful things God has done for us. We have to learn how to rest in God. I’m only now really beginning to test this out.
I wrote an article not long ago, “Walking on the waters of faith” that has blessed me immensely. God has been dealing with me about trusting Him. Applying faith, increases faith. He grows us and leads us through the paths of life. This means He leads us around obstacles, stumbling blocks and all the detrimental things in life. Our future, to us, is foggy and uncertain when viewed with our carnal eyes. This is where resting in the Lord comes in to play. To rest in Him and His love for us is to give up and let go. Instead of peering into our future with squinted eyes and neck outstretched, we should simply close our eyes and pray; trust God for the outcome and praise Him.
Be encouraged Rebekah, God has already orchestrated your future, all you need do is enjoy the symphony. If this new chapter/new person is meant for you then things will work out; if not God will lead you in another direction. Keep praising Him, seeking Him and everything will be just fine.
Love in Christ,
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words Rebecca! It’s just always been a big “no” in my book to talk to guys who don’t know Jesus and yet for some reason, I just can’t help it. So I’ve submitted it to Him and try to just wait things out… not easy. Especially since he was the one to make the effort to get my number from friends and make first contact… so I just need to learn to wait on God to do what He wants… perhaps I am to just be a light but I’ll need Him more than ever if that’s what He wants. But I know it’s all in His hands 🙂 ~Rebekah M.