Sense of Betrayal

Tonight I met someone who came to God through Ex #1’s church years ago.  I had the hardest time not saying “it’s a den of vipers!!!” For all the gossip, them actively working to break us up (by saying I was stuck up for saying I was going to be a doctor and that a post about seeking God’s Will above my own was clearly “airing the dirty laundry on facebook”), and eventual shunning that I received from them, it was hard to just tightly smile when she said “it was a good church to go to.”

As I drove home tonight I tried to have a little chat out with Jesus about it and found that, deep seated in my heart, was the sense that I felt betrayed by God Himself.  Before Ex #1 and I ever dated, I felt SO many things from God saying that he was the one. From asking God to give me HIS desires for my heart and having the very next day have something seem to point to Ex #1 to MANY other things, it felt as if God was saying he was “the one.” In the aftermath of everything- from dating him to how his friends treated me (both good and then very badly)- a fear of doing what I think God is leading me to do must have crept up in my heart.  I fear His telling me to go for something and being MASSIVELY wrong again.

I know I’ve said it before, but I think initially it WAS God’s Will, but as Ex #1 and I both changed for the worse through our relationship, His Will for us changed as well.  He broke my heart and it’s not broken anymore, but I do still harbor scars against his church that I just… I need God to take.  I feel betrayed by his church, I feel betrayed by the pastor’s wife (for a reason),  and I feel betrayed by God.

Jesus,

Take away my sense of betrayal.  Take away this feeling that they are a den of vipers.  Take away this and just fill it with Your love.  Teach me to love like You do.  Teach me to forgive as You forgive.  Give me YOUR heart. Teach me to learn to trust You again. I love You Jesus.

Rebekah M.

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10 thoughts on “Sense of Betrayal

  1. I believe that everything happens for a reason! I broke up with my ex after 4 years of being together and thinking that he would be the one. But it wasn’t a waste of time because I learned a lot about myself, for one thing, and better people have come into my life that I would never have met if I hadn’t dated my ex. Don’t lose faith or harden your heart when things look rough…It’s part of the plan, and if we’re open to it the plan always turns out well in the end.

    • SO true and I’ve felt that way in the past but sometimes our human feelings can come back. I’ve said “the best gift Ex #1 ever gave me was to walk away,” but it doesn’t take away the fact that those around him were telling him things and his friends who said I was like family cut me off. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Although much of the hurt is now gone… I can’t help but still think of them all as a den of vipers. Deadly with their gossip.

      But thinking like that can’t be of God. He told us of all spiritual gifts, love was the thing to seek after. To hope all things and believe all things of people… and that’s what I’m struggling with right now. Can you love someone as God does and still think them a viper? And for God to send me to be among the vipers… I know He did SUCH a work in me through it all, but last night it was hard to see past the flash of memories brought on by talking with that person.

  2. God asks us to love people, not to like them 🙂 That’s the challenge isn’t it? To recognize people for who they are, respect them and treat them well, even when they don’t return the favor. But I also think walking away from people who don’t add anything to your life is perfectly legit. Thankfully you aren’t one of the vipers.

    • Thanks! 🙂 I actually think part of why God allowed it was so I would be more mindful to not be a viper… it hurt SO much that I’m much more careful when mentioning others… if someone needs prayer I don’t always say why, just that ‘they really need some extra prayer right now.” I think too often we don’t realize we’re spreading gossip because we’ve been fooled into thinking we’re helping others when full disclosure isn’t always necessary

  3. “Can you love someone as God does and still think them a viper? And for God to send me to be among the vipers… I know He did SUCH a work in me through it all, but last night it was hard to see past the flash of memories brought on by talking with that person.”

    Yes, you can love someone and still think them a viper. Jesus said, “You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34)

    Does God send us to dangerous places? Yes. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…” (John 3:16) “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him…” (John 1:11) “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light…” (John 3:19-20)

    You see, Jesus loves everyone but that doesn’t blind him to who they are and what their true nature is. So yes you, being his own, can love someone and know them to be a viper. God sent his only son to an evil and degenerate world filled with sin and filth, filled with people he knew would hate and reject him. Why? Because his love for us is greater than the worlds hate for him.

    The Love of Christ covers a multitude of sins; I know this to be true because He saved me and despite my short-comings, he keeps me everyday. When we are born again, made new, God gives us his love but, that love has to grow. His love inside of us grows as we grow spiritually. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t despair Rebekah and don’t worry or be anxious about the hurt you still harbor. Seek God first, make your relationship with him primary to everything else and continue to pray for God to purge you and to release you from the hurt. He is faithful and will do it – according to your faith.

    I felt your pain as I read your post and can identify with the hurt. If we live in this world long enough, someone, some where is going to cause us great pain BUT isn’t it good to know that we have a God that is bigger than any hurt or pain? Isn’t it wonderful to know that we have a Father who is a balm; that he can restore happiness and peace and love to us?

    Be encouraged my friend. God has not forgotten you,nor does he want you to feel betrayed. God has never betrayed the ones who love him (saved or unsaved – that’s just how good he is!). “For I know my thoughts toward you says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil…” Jeremiah 29:11

    Love,
    Rebecca

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