Love Fail

I’ve been in a place of spiritual extremes lately. And that’s not a bad thing. Giving Him all of us can be pretty extreme sometimes. But here at home, I’ve been praying and pressing in hard to God and to what I feel He is telling me – namely that God will take care of and heal two of my friends with medical issues (scott whose body seems to be shutting down in FL, and Ganesh who got hit by a bus back in February). I have a stronger feeling about one than the other, and the healing may or may not look like we expect. But in both cases, there is a sort of spiritual emptiness around them. In Ganesh’s case, he just doesn’t know Jesus – he was raised by a Muslim mother and a Hindu father and I think God wants to reveal Himself as being able to provide when modern medicine just can’t and karma just doesn’t add up (which it doesn’t – some really horrific things have happened to this man and his family). In Scott’s case, he goes to church every week and believes in God, but I don’t think He truly believes or embraces the extent of God’s love and ability, or of his own identity in Christ. Again, I think a healing of sorts will be a revelation of who God is.

It’s been hard in a lot of ways. In Ganesh’s case, whenever I perceive a door to be open and an opportunity arisen for me to talk about Jesus, I am met with deep and hard resistance. Not in the natural, but in the spiritual. If that makes sense. In Scott’s case, I felt God tell me that they needed to lay hands on him and pray for him. This is hard to facilitate when I am in NY and he is in an ICU in FL and his family that ARE allowed to see him are busy lighting candles and praying to saints rather than praying to Jesus.

Anyway, I’ve been pressing in and believing for these things here at home, and believing that God will open the true doors and make a way. But outside the house today, I turned into one of the jaded masses. I saw a homeless person, made eye contact, and walked by. A woman outside of a dunkin donuts – I looked at her, saw that someone had bought her coffee already, and so I walked by. A man on a stoop asked me for a quarter. I fished several coins out of my purse – I think I gave him just over a dollar – and then I kept walking. This last man even said “God bless you”. That should have sparked me to bless him back or pray for him or….something. But it didn’t. It was a complete spiritual brain fart. I didn’t fear these people, it was nothing like that. It literally just didn’t occur to me until later. Actually, it was sort of weird, because I’m constantly asking Jesus for discernment and prayer guidance over these people.

I don’t have anything deep or profound that’s come out of all of this. Just sort of chronicling what’s been happening around me, and I seem to be failing at almost all of it. BUT, God is faithful, and He loves me in spite of myself. His timing is perfect, and tomorrow is another day! For that I will always praise Him. Praising through my failure….I’ll take it!

God bless!
~Rebekah A

8 thoughts on “Love Fail

  1. I have a crazy story about being hit by a truck in an intersection a few years back that led to my being saved by Jesus. I want to be able to bless others with it. it is free to go read my story there. It was a hit and run, where the dude left me for dead in the intersection. It may help to bless Ganesh or at least maybe help to open his heart where God can come in and do HIs majic that He did on me.

    • Wow. I LOVE that story, so timely for me right now. Thanks for sharing! I’m still in awe of how God can take the worst earthly circumstances and use them to reveal Himself and His depth to us. I just need to keep pressing in and being obedient to His voice….and not worry. God is always in control. 🙂

  2. My understanding about God and the way He works at times is not always present right away. I find that sometimes what we experience we make use of at a later time, even the sturggles, like what you seem to be going through. When I speak of God I speak also of Jesus too. When you spoke of the laying on of hands, might it be the laying of hands by anyone. I know a touch of a loving hand can soothe a persons inside and sometimes bring about healing. God Bless you and the ones you care for.

    • I agree; God definitely has a way of showing us small things here and there and then bringing it all together later. One more reason why it’s so important to trust him. The laying on of hands I don’t think needs to be done by anybody specific, just someone who’s guided by the Spirit with their prayer and discernment. It is definitely a biblical action, to lay hands on someone in healing (there are lots of examples; the one that comes to mind is Acts 28:8). And I feel like that’s what God wants here. I hadn’t thought about the simple comfort of touch, but it’s so true. Especially if somebody is out of it and not really responsive, which is where Scott’s at.

      • I wanted to mention too, some people who some refer to as pagans do hand healing work. I however believe God has a way of showing that goodness comes from His heart, and those people should not be judged. Massage is even touch that is healing. Yes trust is so so important. Love is sent.

  3. OH, I can so relate to you! I too see but my eyes are not open! I realize 10 minutes later what I should have done! And yes, like you, I praise the LORD for what I can do and ask forgiveness for those sins of omission. I totally understand the medical thing. Being a former RN, I now have a quad husband due to AA when he was hit by a young uninsured driver who walked away and then filed bankruptcy. Praise the LORD, he has provided for all our needs and I continue to pray for healing in his body. I will be praying for your friends!

    • Exactly! It’s like a spiritual head-slap moment. Thanks for your prayers, and I will be praying for you and your husband as well!

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