I’ve been in a place of spiritual extremes lately. And that’s not a bad thing. Giving Him all of us can be pretty extreme sometimes. But here at home, I’ve been praying and pressing in hard to God and to what I feel He is telling me – namely that God will take care of and heal two of my friends with medical issues (scott whose body seems to be shutting down in FL, and Ganesh who got hit by a bus back in February). I have a stronger feeling about one than the other, and the healing may or may not look like we expect. But in both cases, there is a sort of spiritual emptiness around them. In Ganesh’s case, he just doesn’t know Jesus – he was raised by a Muslim mother and a Hindu father and I think God wants to reveal Himself as being able to provide when modern medicine just can’t and karma just doesn’t add up (which it doesn’t – some really horrific things have happened to this man and his family). In Scott’s case, he goes to church every week and believes in God, but I don’t think He truly believes or embraces the extent of God’s love and ability, or of his own identity in Christ. Again, I think a healing of sorts will be a revelation of who God is.
It’s been hard in a lot of ways. In Ganesh’s case, whenever I perceive a door to be open and an opportunity arisen for me to talk about Jesus, I am met with deep and hard resistance. Not in the natural, but in the spiritual. If that makes sense. In Scott’s case, I felt God tell me that they needed to lay hands on him and pray for him. This is hard to facilitate when I am in NY and he is in an ICU in FL and his family that ARE allowed to see him are busy lighting candles and praying to saints rather than praying to Jesus.
Anyway, I’ve been pressing in and believing for these things here at home, and believing that God will open the true doors and make a way. But outside the house today, I turned into one of the jaded masses. I saw a homeless person, made eye contact, and walked by. A woman outside of a dunkin donuts – I looked at her, saw that someone had bought her coffee already, and so I walked by. A man on a stoop asked me for a quarter. I fished several coins out of my purse – I think I gave him just over a dollar – and then I kept walking. This last man even said “God bless you”. That should have sparked me to bless him back or pray for him or….something. But it didn’t. It was a complete spiritual brain fart. I didn’t fear these people, it was nothing like that. It literally just didn’t occur to me until later. Actually, it was sort of weird, because I’m constantly asking Jesus for discernment and prayer guidance over these people.
I don’t have anything deep or profound that’s come out of all of this. Just sort of chronicling what’s been happening around me, and I seem to be failing at almost all of it. BUT, God is faithful, and He loves me in spite of myself. His timing is perfect, and tomorrow is another day! For that I will always praise Him. Praising through my failure….I’ll take it!