Tonight I visited my old college church. I love that church. It was there that I finally felt like I had met kindred spirits. There, I met people who liked to sit around Starbucks after service on a Sunday night and talk about preaching they had listened to earlier that week. There, I could close my eyes, worship God for all I was worth, and know that I was surrounded by others doing the same.
After I finished college, I stayed the summer afterwards to do clinical research in the ER. I was offered a low paying job to continue doing research and was contemplating staying since I loved it so much. As I sought the answer there was a lingering feeling that God wanted me to go home. I didn’t want to. All my memories of my high school church were of feeling like the odd person out- someone who wanted to be there instead of someone who was made to be there by her parents. Someone who didn’t want to sneak out to go party like the rest of the youth group. One who didn’t get pregnant out of wedlock unlike 2 of the 4 females my age there.
And so, as I felt God tell me more and more I had to go home, I fought it. One night at home group they asked what we were afraid of and with tears in my eyes I said I was afraid that God was telling me to go home. I explained my fears. Low and behold the next Sunday the pastor (who knew nothing about our care group’s goings on- the church had 500 members at the time) preached on Elijah after Mount Carmel crying to God saying how he was the only prophet left. God essentially told him to get up and go do what He told him to do and he wasn’t the only one, there were 7,000 prophets who had never bowed to Baal, a false God that many Israelites had bowed down to.
Tonight, the preacher (someone else) taught on that EXACT SAME PASSAGE and spoke on fear. With it, I felt God playing almost a memory reel in my mind of all that had transpired in that time. In the last six years my faith has been tested to the max at times. I have been pushed to the brink of almost leaving the church once from persecution within the church, and another time for a guy. Both times God has fought through the haze in my life to send me a lifeline. What a wonder, mighty God who loves me so much! I cannot praise Him enough.
I share all this to say to you dear readers that God loves you just as much! In His infinite wisdom and love, He is reaching out to you too! He will catch you when you fall! He will watch over your every move with the love of Father who only wants the best for you. Trust in Him. Trust in His plan. Know that He only wants your best.
I found when told to go home, home was even more than my home in Goshen, home is within God. Great story Rebekah. Yes trust, trust is being built, slowly, don’t turn back, God will show the past and will show He was always there as your guide, like the potter at the wheel. God Bless.
Yes! God has been showing me, especially over the last two years, that He is my home…. it has not been an easy lesson to learn and part of me is convinced that I should never allow myself to feel too comfortable where ever I am because I need to always feel ready to up and leave at the beck and call of my Lord and King. Good comment! 🙂
Awe, yes many many lessons, God is so huge we as little children will never know all, so faith grows. 🙂
Amen! I too felt like Elijah, that there were no others. But yes, the LORD is faithful and there are others. The fear is from the enemy, trying to keep us from what the LORD wants to do in our lives. Praise the LORD, He is greater!
amen amen! Yes! Jesus is greater!!! God is our champion and king and never lets us down!! 🙂
I understand this feeling of fighting God. When I graduated from bible college I didn’t want to go back home. It was the first place where God was real to me, and not just a religion I grew up with. I wanted to be a missionary (still do), but He sent me home, and to regular college. I have been blessed because of that obedience, but it was a hard fought road to get there.
oh yeah… definitely understand that! I was essentially sobbing that last service at my college church 6 years ago and yet these past six years have brought me SO much growth that I could NEVER have experienced there. Not where it was so easy to live for Him because I finally had people like-minded like me. I needed the challenge- can I live for Him when I’m the only one? I needed to see the miracles of friendship that He brought in my lonely moments. I needed to learn that He is faithful at all times. What a wonderful, mighty, miracle working God we serve! 🙂
Oh my goodness can I ever relate to that. It has been a hard fought battle to find friends of like mind here. But the ones that God have brought into my life has blessed me beyond belief. It was such a struggle because I felt sooo alone. Oddly, at first He brought lots of really great people who believed in God but didn’t the live it. I struggled with them because I wanted to not be lonely and then one day it was like I heard God say, “I brought them to you for a reason, and it wasn’t so you could hide from them.” So I stopped trying to fit in and just lived like I knew God was saying for me to live. I have never felt so close to God as I do now (except maybe for when I was at bible college). Press on I will pray for you. I am so happy I have started following you. I am super excited to see what God continues to do in you. Keep growing!
Great that you are living for all you’re worth!!! and we’re glad to have you following along our blog! 🙂 The other two authors have some interesting journeys God is taking them on as well! I hope their words bless you too!! 🙂 God bless!!! 🙂
God bless you all as well!