So our loyal readers, you may have noticed that we have been dropping the ball here at Being Rebekah. We have a goal of posting daily and it’s pretty clear that last week, that didn’t happen. We usually try to fill in for each other when that happens but everyone has been a bit in over their head. In it all though, God has been SO amazing.
In follow up to my last post- Honor Thy Father: after his stone cold reception of my weeping apology, I tried to hold strong, believing that God saw and loved me and was proud of me. The next day, I see-sawed between despair and faith. I wanted to believe my dad would eventually come around, but it was breaking my heart that although EVERYONE was so proud of me, I felt as if my own father was disowning me and saying I was beyond hope. I remember sobbing in front of my computer, broken-hearted, and telling my friend it just hurt SO much.
The amazing part- God spoke to my dad. God was the one who truly heard all of our prayers (including you readers who prayed for him!!!) and brought peace to his heart. I was so proud and happy when he was asked to lead church prayer on Sunday and he was praising God for His peace. He confessed that he recently went through a time of just not wanting to talk to anyone; in a complete pit of despair that nothing would get better or change. But GOD. God came down and brought him peace and he was proclaiming to the congregation that God could do the same for them all. What a wonderful God we serve!!!
Readers- THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!! I know our hope here at BeingRebekah is to be a blessing to you all- but you all truly blessed my life by praying for my father.
One thing I will say that I learned in all this- when things were bad and even my mom was still pushing my past bad actions to the forefront despite my sincere repentance and promise to try to be better- I begged her to just stop everything with me and pray. GOD took over. He brought peace. He brought life and re-built bridges. He truly is the redeemer. He truly is our hope and savior.
SO much was dug up in my time of praying. So many things all the way back from my childhood were brought up, things I blamed my dad for (but didn’t realize until I prayed through it). Once I acknowledged them, forgave him for it, and let go- THEN that’s how I just haven’t yelled. The anger is gone. The quick temper with only my dad is gone. He has a personality where he wants peace so he’ll sometimes just not say anything, not even in defense of his children who are being put down by his own family. I had to forgive him and when that was let out and let go, I gained even more strength to live a life that honors God and my parents.
Readers, know that this God of peace, He can help you figure out what is the root behind your actions. Is there only one person in your life that you have an irrational anger with? Someone who has the lowest thresh-hold when it comes to getting you angry? Know that God can help you with that!! Just as I had things in my heart that I had to dig out and finally let go of, you may find that is the same for you. LET IT GO. I am free now. Free. These last few days have been more peaceful in my relationship with my dad than… I’m not even sure when. Praise God! I’m glad I can finally have a real relationship with my dad.
Thank You Jesus for truly being the Prince of Peace!
Finding the root behind our actions is so important. I grimace when people just look to get rid of a behavior without trying to figure out why they are responding the way they are. It is almost always because of something we need to tend to. No need to psycho-analyze oneself, the root is usually pretty close to the surface and with a little praying it comes to the surface rather quickly if we are willing to be honest. Good post!
Amen!!! Love your comment because that’s the truth. Part of me had said some of the things that needed to be worked out already, but it was realizing the SIGNIFICANCE of them and releasing it to God that made all the difference. I had felt ugly and fat almost all my life and when my dad didn’t stand up against his sister who has called me fat every time I’ve met her (they live in a different country), every time he remained silent felt as if HE was saying that to me. Realizing that was part of the source of my anger truly gave me the power to overcome it 🙂 But as you say, it really was closer to the surface than one might think it is. Praise God for His mighty ways! 🙂
Amen! I am overjoyed for you! As we mourned with you as you mourned, we can now rejoice with you as you rejoice! Praise the LORD, Praise the LORD, Praise the LORD!