A recent Sunday, my pastor preached on this topic and I found myself weeping at the alter and having such a strong desire to blog about it!
For much of my life, I have felt SO fat and ugly. When I was young, I went to Taiwan with my mom for my grandfather’s funeral and came back MUCH heavier. Everyone there just kept feeding me and feeding me and I didn’t know to say “no.” That was the beginning of a lifelong struggle with overeating, weight, and body image. As time has gone on, I have had ups and downs but deep down, I constantly struggle with feelings of inadequacy and shame.
I remember from a young age being told I needed to lose weight; being told I had a hump on my back and having my parents being seriously surprised when I was not diagnosed with scoliosis because they thought the “hump” on my back was that bad; and the multiple times my parents stayed silent when our extended family called me fat, told me I needed to lose weight, and sheer surprise that I wanted to be a doctor (because clearly, someone as huge as me could never achieve such dreams).
Here in America, I am counted as average. At my heaviest I was 184 pounds which, on a 5’2″ frame is a lot, but I have lost MANY pounds since then. This deep seated feeling of being fat has stayed with me though. As the preacher continued talking about how we need allow Jesus to rip the labels off our life and replace it with His promises, I couldn’t help but see that my label was “fat and ugly.”
As some of you may have read- I might soon be embarking on a new relationship (or not? I’ll find out tomorrow what direction the guy has chosen after calling a week to just step back, pray, fast, and see what God wants- although he has openly told a group that we both are in on Facebook that he would marry me if I would say yes) and I can see that God is laying out various steps in my life to prepare me for a relationship- whether with him or someone else.
In the mean time, God has been using others to call me beautiful. Even my aunt told my mom the other day that I look so pretty now. I think there is something to be said of learning to just place my life in God’s hands and knowing intently that I am His and His alone. Of knowing that boys may come and boys may go, but my Jesus stays with me forever and loves me and calls me beautiful every day. I may not always hear it audibly from someone, but I feel Him say it. Lately though, it has been nice to have Him bring people into my life to tell me often- guys or girls, stranger or friend- God has been telling me I am beautiful. He has been ripping that label off day by day and is waiting to just place His label- “BEAUTIFUL AND LOVED” on me.
You are loved today. God wants to take every bad, horrible, wrong label on you today and rip it off and put His own on! It may hurt during the process but it is worth it! Let Him love you. It was because of love that He came to die for our sins. It was because of love that He allowed those stripes to be ripped on his back so that we might be healed by them. It is because of love that we can have a new life in Him.
Let Him love you as I have been letting Him love me,