I have been fighting God’s quiet whisper to my heart the last few days. I have been SO busy with work and then with the return of guy (sort of) come SO many questions. Why the silence? Telling me “it was a bad time” tells me essentially nothing. Does he actually want to be more than friends or is he only looking for friendship? Who is the real guy- the one from September or the one from October? And other thoughts just swim through my head. So to drown out the noise I’ve watched movies and done whatever I could to distract myself from the quiet moments.
Today in prayer with my prayer partner, I poured out everything that I could to God. Finally admitting that although I believed He would do all good things and provide for her, I had a hard time believing that He WOULD do those things for me too- although I know that He CAN. Why would a God who sees me in all my horrible humanness want to give me good things? Why would He bother when I do whatever I can to ignore Him so that I can escape the quiet moments where thoughts can plague me.
However, I found that in pouring it out and asking Him to “help my unbelief” He just held me and said “I still love you. I still want to give you good things- when you’re ready for them.”
Thank You Lord. Thank You that when we pour it all out to You, You love me despite it all.
You are not alone in this. Thank you for sharing and reminding me too, that I am not alone. To quote Jesus: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst.”