I have been fighting God’s quiet whisper to my heart the last few days. I have been SO busy with work and then with the return of guy (sort of) come SO many questions. Why the silence? Telling me “it was a bad time” tells me essentially nothing. Does he actually want to be more than friends or is he only looking for friendship? Who is the real guy- the one from September or the one from October? And other thoughts just swim through my head. So to drown out the noise I’ve watched movies and done whatever I could to distract myself from the quiet moments.
Today in prayer with my prayer partner, I poured out everything that I could to God. Finally admitting that although I believed He would do all good things and provide for her, I had a hard time believing that He WOULD do those things for me too- although I know that He CAN. Why would a God who sees me in all my horrible humanness want to give me good things? Why would He bother when I do whatever I can to ignore Him so that I can escape the quiet moments where thoughts can plague me.
However, I found that in pouring it out and asking Him to “help my unbelief” He just held me and said “I still love you. I still want to give you good things- when you’re ready for them.”
Thank You Lord. Thank You that when we pour it all out to You, You love me despite it all.