Looking Back- Forget Ishmael

As the week has progressed I have allowed more and more thoughts to plague me concerning my future of ever having a guy in my life. I honestly have no clue what truly went wrong. I want to ask him how it all fell apart. I want to know if I should have done something differently and yet something within me says yes, there are little tweaks, but when it came down to it, I was one again praying for a man who ultimately cut me off. It is not me. It is just not God’s timing.

His actions only allowed the devil to whisper to me just how much it seems like the world can offer SO much more than what God’s church is offering me. I can’t help but think of the guy from earlier this year- the one not in church- who still texts me every now and then and only ever treated me like a princess. In his presence I felt adored and cherished. The first time we met he was so obvious about not being able to take his eyes off of me that our friends noticed.

However, I feel God telling me,

Stop looking back! I have so much more for you My child! There WILL be a man who will adore you just as much but will also love ME as much as you do! I promise you, there is a man who will bind together with you in prayer to take down the strongholds in the spirit and build up My kingdom in unity with each other IN ME.

I cannot thank God enough for my prayer partner. She held me up when all I could do was wallow in despair over the phone. My doubts and fears flooding over my soul. Why is it that I just keep meeting guys who claim Christ and yet act SO far from His actions towards me? This one at least was slightly different- but the sense of abandonment without any explanation. Of coming in and out of my life with no words of when he’s leaving or if he’s coming back- that is not my Jesus. He will NEVER do that to me. I just have to trust and believe that my God, my Jesus- one day He will send a man where we will together mirror His relationship with us- His beloved bride the church- it’s just not today.

I need to stop looking back at my Ishmael and how nice it was at that time for it was not in God’s Will. I need to trust God with all my heart- every bit of it. I need to know that He wouldn’t allow me to still want to get married if it wasn’t truly His path for me. I just have to keep trusting that my future kids who will serve Him with all they have are on the horizon, just not today. My future husband that will bind with me in prayer will be in my life- just not today.

Yesterday is to forget. Yesterday’s messes are cleaned away by Christ Himself. God has wiped all things away except what HE wants to stand- that is what yesterday is for.

Today is for seeking His Will for THIS day. Today is for walking in Him and the steps He has for me in this moment. Today is where I need to be- not tomorrow.

Learning to live in today,

Rebekah M.

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6 thoughts on “Looking Back- Forget Ishmael

  1. I have been in your shoes, friend! Trust that God will place someone in your life! He will never fail you! Great writing and so heartfelt! I can feel your emotions and faith through your writings. 🙂

    • aww thank you!! God is definitely helping to refine me and redefine me through all of this. To see myself in HIS eyes is just… so hard to do through my human self, but God is slowly showing me- unlike our human selves, He doesn’t remember past mistakes that are covered under His blood. He doesn’t hate me for not speaking with Him. He doesn’t hold grudges, He doesn’t see failure or flaws, He sees who I am IN HIM. He sees me for all He created me to be, perfected in Him. 🙂 Forgiven, loved, whole.

  2. Not so long ago I was in your shoes. It was not until years later that I realized what had been happening. See those “good guys” I was dating, the ones who loved Jesus…they weren’t dating just for fun, they were dating because they were prayerfully looking for a spouse.

    But many times that came across as “I am looking at YOU as a possible spouse”…getting me all giddy inside & tied up in knots with thoughts of “he wants to marry ME”. When in reality they were looking at me as a POSSIBLE spouse, but that didn’t automatically make ME “the one”.

    Oh how I wish I had understood that back when I was dating, as my Christian boyfriends caused me much pain. And I know they did not mean to. It was just a bad combination of their not knowing how to properly express themselves, mashed with my intense desire to find Mr. Right.

    • honestly, it’s not the “it’s not you as my future wife” so much as the fact that he had told me that if he was done he would tell me… instead he just stopped speaking to me with no explanation… twice..

      • Yeah…not cool. Sometimes people (women too!) just do seemingly strange things. It isn’t until hind site that we see how all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place & it starts to make sense. In the meantime, I think you got the right mind set! Learning to live in today…one of the hardest lessons in life. One I find myself learning every day. But I press on..

  3. Pingback: Prayer Monday/Jesus Calling Devotional: Walking Delightfully | Being Rebekah

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