Back when I was talking to a guy (not the last one but the one before that) I wrote an email to him on November 1st
I hope you embraced what [my prayer partner] and I prayed for so much- that your season of sowing, good or bad seeds, is your upcoming harvest- may it be bountiful for His kingdom! I truly believe that God has such a wonderful, amazing path for you and I hope that you’ll stay submit to it 🙂
Your words about my past getting in the way were from God. He opened my eyes to how I truly need to just sit back, let Him be my architect, and walk in trust of His blueprint. Our conversations were the start of that journey, and for that I am grateful.
I feel God calling me to dig the 4th well, like Isaac did, where the “God who sees him dwells.” The sermon for the basis of this journey is: http://www.northpointapostolic.com/sermons/10-27-13%20(Sun%20Am)%20Complete%20in%20Him.mp3
Over the next month, I feel I need to take the time to learn to dwell beyond the wells of strife, accusation, and even the well where God has made a place for me. I must set a firm foundation where The God Who Sees Me (ALL of me and still loves me beyond compare) dwells.
I am grateful for the times we had of laughter, speaking on the things of God, and prayer. If you decide not to speak to me after I complete this time with God, I pray you have a blessed rest of your life.
He never responded to that email.
This past Saturday, one of my best’s friend’s pastor’s wife (who is a pastor’s wife herself) spoke at an event for a lady’s luncheon coordinated by that friend. She spoke of “The Invisible Woman”- Hagar. A woman who was forced to be the vessel of Sarah’s disobedience and then punished harshly by her when she started despising the one who had done this to her. Running away, it was the “God who [saw her]” that told her it would be okay and to go back. The speaker said we cannot allow others to define who we are, we cannot allow others to tell us what our self-worth is. When we can finally see ourselves through the eyes of the God who sees us, we will finally be who we are meant to be.
Over the last few days, God has truly been opening my eyes to the fact that there is a God who sees me and He does love me, find me beautiful, and protects me as one would protect a most cherished loved one. With what happened at work and then losing the latest guy on top of that (despite knowing 100% that it is God’s Will we not be together), I have been SO broken. I have been discouraged beyond anything I have ever experienced before. In the most desperately dark place I have ever been in my life, I called my parents up on Sunday night and I had no other words other than asking them to pray because “it was bad.” I cannot explain to you the level of oppression I felt but my amazing, wonderful parents prayed for me and I felt the peace wash over me.
God bless all the amazing, Godly parents out there who fight in prayer for their children!
They then spoke words into my heart that which I have so desperately needed to hear over the years (and they likely have said before, but I never fully held in my heart). They told me I am a beautiful, smart, woman of God that one day a man will love because he will love me because I am beautiful from the inside out. For once, I actually started to believe them. I am starting to believe that Jesus truly does see me.
What’s more… my prayer partner has been SUPER busy and it was clear God was shielding her from my life for a reason… but that is for another post. To be continued…
Just know that I have a protector and His name is Jesus…. and you do too!