I have not written on here in a long time, to be honest I have not even come on the site in weeks. Partially because I have been insanely busy and partially because the guilt of not writing makes me avoid the site at times. I miss sharing this world of mine with you all- strange as that sounds. You readers have been wonderful encouragements at times and when you have allowed us to share YOUR stories, the circle was completed.
These last few weeks have been rough. I do not fully understand the complete and utter sense of exhaustion I have, but it feels as if it reaches into my soul at times. Last night I came home from work around 7PM so tired that, although I had much paperwork to catch up on, I went straight to bed and woke up at 5AM today. In the last few days I have worked to re-incorporate God in my every morning. It is not always easy since I was still listening to Christian music even when I was not fully incorporating Him.
You can listen to Christian music; you can glance at the verse of the day on your phone; you can say a short “help me God” but unless you truly commune with Him, you have not touched the throne of God. And so I have worked to mindfully listen to the music on my way to work. I listened to the bible while going about my morning activities. I sang a song of praise throughout my day.
Am I where I want to be in Christ? No.
Part of me feels like going on a fast would fix all this and part of me is so utterly exhausted the thought of pushing out more would tip me over the edge of exhaustion. I don’t know if there is a beyond exhausted, but I at times feel like I would be the first one to find out what that state is.
Regardless, my God is still on the throne and He has given me just enough to make it through each day- sometimes barely but then again I have not been the best at asking every day.