Exhaustion

I have not written on here in a long time, to be honest I have not even come on the site in weeks. Partially because I have been insanely busy and partially because the guilt of not writing makes me avoid the site at times.  I miss sharing this world of mine with you all- strange as that sounds.  You readers have been wonderful encouragements at times and when you have allowed us to share YOUR stories, the circle was completed.

These last few weeks have been rough. I do not fully understand the complete and utter sense of exhaustion I have, but it feels as if it reaches into my soul at times. Last night I came home from work around 7PM so tired that, although I had much paperwork to catch up on, I went straight to bed and woke up at 5AM today.  In the last few days I have worked to re-incorporate God in my every morning. It is not always easy since I was still listening to Christian music even when I was not fully incorporating Him.

You can listen to Christian music; you can glance at the verse of the day on your phone; you can say a short “help me God” but unless you truly commune with Him, you have not touched the throne of God.  And so I have worked to mindfully listen to the music on my way to work.  I listened to the bible while going about my morning activities. I sang a song of praise throughout my day.

Am I where I want to be in Christ? No.

Part of me feels like going on a fast would fix all this and part of me is so utterly exhausted the thought of pushing out more would tip me over the edge of exhaustion. I don’t know if there is a beyond exhausted, but I at times feel like I would be the first one to find out what that state is.

Regardless, my God is still on the throne and He has given me just enough to make it through each day- sometimes barely but then again I have not been the best at asking every day.

In Him,

Rebekah M.

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6 thoughts on “Exhaustion

  1. Rebekah,
    I fully understand the feeling. I too have missed reading your blog! God give us so much inner strength, that we really cannot fathom. He gives us not more than we can handle (mentally and physically). If He didn’t think we couldn’t do it, then it wouldn’t happen. There is a lot to be siad about every situation we are in – Sometimes, one more challenging than the others.

    I feel that He is preparing us for our time to fight and be with Him as He wants us to be. This is our challenge. He gives us the strength each and every day to experience a different plethera of emotions, thoughts, feelings and physical revelations, that will sometimes give you that “Ah-Ha!” moment.

    I pray for you and everyone as well, that each of us might find that inner strength and embrace it to allow us to gte stronger with each and every day.

    May God Bless you. Amen.

    TImothy B.

  2. We have to make time for God despite the rush of life around us. After all, He’s the author of our lives. Still, that’s harder than it sounds. You’re certainly making a sincere effort. But a relationship w/ God isn’t measured by number of verses memorized, like number of push-ups or number of minutes on the treadmill. He’s not grading us. He wants to hear from and speak w/ His children. That takes time. Otherwise, we risk our faith becoming a mindless series of chores. You may have to cut back a bit on other activities — entirely legitimate activities. The day will never have more than 24 hours, much as we might wish it did. Psalm 46 advises us, “Be still, and know that I am God…” If you can capture that peace before your hectic day begins, it will last you all day long.

    • Although I wish I could agree with you on the idea of cutting down on activities, I literally go to work (I am an intern physician in the hardest year of my life, often working over 300hrs in a month) and church and rarely do anything else. I have NOTHING that I can cut out in my life currently, but God is faithful and He is the one who has taken me down this road (for I have prayed often and fervently every step of this way for HIS will above my own). It’s just sometimes after the 12th day of 12-14hrs every day I am beyond exhausted and in need of His strength… but luckily this season of my life is temporary and God has been holding my hand.

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