Broken Trust

Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for the good of them who love God and are the called according to His purposes.

Things with the new guy have been rough for the last month… I didn’t fully understand why until God revealed what has been going on in secret for the last month: he’s been flirting with multiple other women.

We weren’t officially dating so it wasn’t cheating technically… but he also knew that I was being exclusive with him and, despite multiple opportunities to tell me (especially since he had originally told me he was exclusive) he just kept flirting with other women… even a very close friend of mine.

Today, the guilt of just continually feeling like she was pushing off his advances led her to tell me her concern that he was flirting with her…. and he ended up confessing that he wasn’t being exclusive and was sorry to have hurt me. It was never his intention to lead me on but in his fear of how things would go when we FINALLY meet in April (6 months out), he started flirting with other women.

I kept asking him why he didn’t just let me know when he wasn’t exclusive anymore but he didn’t have an answer. I kept trying to dig into things deeper and these things I now understand:

a) I am worthy of more than his actions as of late- I deserve a man who would be upfront of his intentions towards me

b) he is a broken, broken man- horrible apartment, barely getting by in finances (and not even really), no degree to speak of, divorced, and his son lives with his ex-wife and the man she cheated with who used to be his best friend… and I had (and he did too) believed he was healed of those scars but he’s clearly not.
-He apparently hasn’t been able to shake the fear that I read into all his actions because that’s what his ex-wife used to do.
– He admitted he couldn’t understand why anyone (especially a smart, doing well financially, pretty DOCTOR) would want to be with someone like him (see above)

c) this man is in a crisis of faith and he can do one of two things- go towards or away from Christ in this time

d) he will never be ready for a relationship with anyone until these feelings are dealt with

Is my trust of him broken- yes. He did not tell me his actions that he was doing in secret until I had proof. I still don’t want to believe this means he’d cheat on me in the future… but he clearly has to earn back my trust.

Dear Readers,

If you have fears that consume you, bitterness, anger, hatred… GIVE THEM TO CHRIST! I honestly am not sure where I stand on things with him anymore… how does one come back from broken trust? But I do know this- our God is able. Able to heal this man’s soul. Able to make him worthy of me with his actions of open, upstanding ways. Able to turn his situation around in the blink of an eye. So I implore of you dear readers… pray for this man? He made a terrible judgement in error to take my heart/affections for granted. Does this mean he is a loser/jerk/etc? No, I think it makes him a broken man who needs prayer. One who God could make worthy of the person who all this time he was flirting with other women she was praying/ fasting/ even sending a “faith box” (will post about it later- it was honestly something I hope others do one day) for him. So pray please. Pray for me, pray for him, pray for God’s Will to be done.

In Him

Rebekah M.

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