Today…. I helped remind a patient that God loves her- she cried as she told me she had felt God reached down to her today through me. Today I had my appointment with God and met it. Last night I sent an email apology to that guy for a moment I felt God telling me I deeply wounded him. Today, I apologized to that co-worker that I’ve never gotten along with.
So on my way home I just…. so desperately asked God… why can’t I just… not be here anymore. I cleaned my slate so why couldn’t God just take me while my slate was clean? Not that I want to kill myself just…. a deep longing to just… not be here because in heaven, no one can touch me. No one can hurt me. No one can break my heart again.
With Him there is perfect love. With Him, there is no crying, no sorrow, no pain.
But…. I know He has a purpose and a plan for me- that I must submit everything into His hands and so here and now Lord, I submit the deep longing that my life was just over and ask You to turn even this into good. To stand in faith in Romans 8:28 that all things can work together for my good. I am SURE that part of it is because of how I reach that patient today. I touched her heart and reminded her of Your love Jesus. I submit to the fact that since I’m still here I must have a reason for it so just… mold me, make me what You want. Help me to go where You want me to go. Show me the open door that You’ve been talking to my soul about for over a week now. Renew the joy of salvation. I had made myself get up and dance before you in worship- not from any feeling, but because in all times You are worthy so once again Lord, I say:
YOU ARE WORTHY OF PRAISE OH MY LORD GOD JESUS CHRIST! YOU ARE WORTHY OF PRAISE EVEN WHEN MY HEART IS DONE. YOU ARE WORTH OF PRAISE IN THE DEEPEST PARTS OF THE STORM.
Worshiping Him and standing on His Word full of promises,