Swirling

So things have just been a mess these last few months. The guy I WAS talking to quickly moved on to another girl is actually already married to her… within 24hrs of meeting her in person they were engaged and in that same month they were married.  Resentment for how he could so quickly move on has been hard to deal with. I want to hate him so much for making me feel duped and easily forgotten.

But hate is not of God. 

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. ~ Matt 5:44-45

In the midst of learning to forgive and the big one is to forget (especially with my friends giving me updates on things like how he and his wife aren’t even living together yet and how she was yelling at one of them for something silly), I’m trying to apply to new jobs (residency is almost over!), I have multiple guys that I’m getting to know and haven’t been friendzoned yet, and work is just… always rough. It has been emotionally draining to be on the palliative service this month where every day I’m in the hospital I’m looking at dying people. One was up and about two weeks before, went to the hospital for chest pain, found to have horrible stomach cancer that was everywhere, and about to pass away when I met them.

I need God to center me. I need Him to help me find my way in all of this mess. I need Jesus to be the center of my life.

Feeling a bit lost in the midst of all this change,

Rebekah M.

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6 thoughts on “Swirling

  1. Oh, sister girl, how I wish I could know you! I knew from the very beginning when you started talking about him (and the others) that he (and they) wasn’t (weren’t) for you. My spiritual gift is discernment and I guess it’s as though I can read between the lines (or words spoken). God’s got a plan for you….He really does. I KNOW that you know that. I know how badly you desire a relationship (I FEEL you, girl!) but He’s got you where you are for a reason. He hasn’t brought that man to you for a reason. Most of the time in my singleness…I am SO strong in the wait….I tell God “I will wait however long you want me to, Lord!” and I mean it with every fiber of my being. And then there are other times…USUALLY when I’m comparing my life to the life of others….that I get down about it and try to make my way happen. And of course…those are the times where I find myself heartbroken & frustrated that I compromised my standards and went outside of the will of God. I don’t know why I’m writing this other than to tell you that I feel your pain. I’m praying for you. You’re not alone. And God has a BIG plan for you…keep clinging to Him, sister.

    • thank you! I’m just focusing on what I should and staying friends with multiple guys… dunno if it’ll ever get to more than that… but it’d better to just keep an open heart/mind but focus on God… I’m actually going to teach one of the youth at the church how to drum so I’ll be a bit busier soon 🙂

  2. Oh, sister girl, how I wish I knew you personally! You see, this may sound odd, but I knew from the very beginning when you started talking about this guy (and the others) that he (and they) wasn’t (weren’t) for you. My spiritual gift is discernment and I guess it’s as though I can read between the lines (or words spoken). God’s got a plan for you….He really does. I KNOW that you know that. I know how badly you desire a relationship (I FEEL you, girl!) but He’s got you where you are for a reason. He hasn’t brought that man to you for a reason. Most of the time in my singleness…I am SO strong in the wait….I tell God “I will wait however long you want me to, Lord!” and I mean it with every fiber of my being. And then there are other times…USUALLY when I’m comparing my life to the life of others….that I get down about it and try to make MY WAY happen. And of course…those are the times where I find myself heartbroken & frustrated that I compromised my standards and went outside of the will of God. I don’t know why I’m writing this other than to tell you that I feel your pain. I’m praying for you. You’re not alone. And God has a BIG plan for you…keep clinging to Him, sister. Not my will, but THY will be done, Lord.

    • so sorry! I thought I had approved this comment a while ago and always meant to respond but with a new nephew born on my trip in cali it was SO busy and it has been non-stop since I have gotten back! THANK YOU for your words! I hope you have seen the continuing posts because our God is an AMAZING God who truly is our God of Hope 🙂 You are NOT alone as well and know you are worth the wait, you are worth His blood, You are worth more than gold as my one of my favorite artists Britt Nicole says in her song 🙂

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