Seeking Jesus

As I was in morning worship time in my room I did this thing that has worked for me in the past- I opened my Bible asking God to speak to me- I felt God say that’s not how He wanted to talk to me. I did it a second time when it didn’t make sense, however, and got this horrible verse on false prophets. I felt God say again, this is not how He wanted to communicate with me. I felt to go to my phone where a song about hope was just starting to play. It felt so strongly like God was personally telling me it’s time to hope again. As the song concluded I saw one of my many journals that I have put to the wayside but knew my list of attributes of a future husband are and decided to read it. It floored me how, so far, I can say almost all are essentially true of this newest man (that I know of so far).

  1. Love God above all else
  2. humble, but not hiding- knowing true humbleness is not that the spotlight is not on us, it is that regardless of where the spotlight is, our focus is on God (he plays drums at his church and is a youth worker/leader)
  3. willing to go anywhere in the world at any time for God’s Kingdom, for His Will; a giver of self, heart, home for God (we discussed his moving because of feeling God’s Will was not where he was at the time in a different part of the world)
  4. a rock in prayer- one who has a history of seeking Him for all things
  5. he will lead in purity
  6. a man who knows God’s Word intimately
  7. listens to preaching outside of church (the last CD in his car when we rode together to a restaurant)
  8. keeps his word
  9. does not hold back money from God but freely gives, also believing that if we freely give to His Kingdom, He provides, but is still good with finances
  10. an explorer- in food, in Christian music, in experiences
  11. calls me beautiful every day (okay, this one he doesn’t do but we’re still just getting to know each other!)
  12. loves the outdoors, is active (VERY VERY TRUE!)
  13. good with kids- wants them to serve God- especially his future children
  14. will not be alone with a woman unless in a public place (ie coffee shop just the two)- car rides are ok
  15. knows his worth is in Christ
  16. wants to share his life with me
  17. protects my heart and the heart of others

Then the next journal entry from 8/30/14 REALLY just… floored me and I had to share. I will leave you with these words that just left me sobbing in thankfulness to this amazing God of ours:

I have had a silence with God. Pulling away for my heart has hurt from feeling rejected by men. Manipulated, easily forgotten, cheap. But as I prayed for my church in desperation just now – having resolved to stop this [silence] because He is the one protecting me from those who just don’t know me like He does, I felt Him tell me to write down His Words:

You are my precious beloved. Don’t you see, I cannot just give you away to just anyone. Your soul is a rare one. You are rejuvenated by serving others. The only reward your heart truly wants is a thanks and to know their life is somehow better. My precious beloved jewel, you are so busy seeking how others might perceive you and why you might have been rejected in the past that you cannot see My hand that blocked you from those that do not share the dream you have for your life. I LOVE YOU my beloved. You cannot understand the depths of my pain during your silent suffering without me nor the joy I have had in your determination to return. To find your place at the “Well of the God who Sees Me” for I do see you my beloved. I do see you and you have to believe that I only withhold a husband because there is more to do. My kingdom needs you as is right now. Your heart needs to grow more. It needs to embrace the fact that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN MY SIGHT. My beloved, don’t you see? I would bring you breakfast in bed, buy you flowers so you’d have them daily on your table and I daily tell you you are beautiful but until such a man can do so for you in person, I will protect you- even from yourself. You so easily give your heart. I love you for your selfless heart. I desire and jealously guard your precious, beautiful heart. Do not be upset when I send boys away who do not deserve it. You, at your best, are the best parts of Ruth, Esther, and Rebekah- these powerful women inspired you and helped shape who you are but not their bad mistakes. Seek Me first. Bask in My presence. In time you will finally meet him- in MY time. Despair not. Rejoice that your future is secure in me.

Rebekah M.

Related Verse:

Jeremiah 29:11

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