Burnt Out

I recently admitted to a colleague that I feel like I have nothing left in me to give.

I feel like often you give and give and give and you just get patients hating you b/c you won’t give them the pain medication they want to destroy their lives or the heparin drip they insist on b/c they “just know” they have a clot (when they don’t and actually their blood is too thin).

They insult you, calling you honey as if you don’t know anything (while they, who have two master’s degrees NOT IN MEDICINE clearly know better).

They refuse to leave the office when you won’t give them the pain medication your fellow resident stopped previously and they let their dogs pee all over your office.

They abuse your staff, telling them to “F-off!” if they don’t get exactly what they asked for.

They won’t take their advair but they want their oxycodone every month exactly at the end of the month without fail.

And sometimes, when they finally do listen and make changes, it’s too late and they die.

Sometimes I just can’t see where else out of my soul they can rip out of me b/c it just feels like it’s already gone. . . I am beyond frustrated with this culture that makes being too obese to breathe an actual working diagnosis on a patient we had that died (gained over 100lbs in less than 6 months binge eating thousands of calories nightly on top of high caloric intake during the day).

A society that has taught our patients to expect that their pain can and should be completely taken away with medication when sometimes pain is to PROTECT- don’t rip those stitches open, don’t walk on that broken leg that should be non-weight bearing.

And then I’m stuck with fellow, lower level doctors to supervise who openly admit that they didn’t bother to look up how to calculate something b/c they knew it would be faster to ask me instead of looking it up- IN FEBRUARY. (btw- a 30 second google brought me to an online calculator which did the same but didn’t have the burden of 18 patients to oversee).

How did we end up with such a lazy, broken, soul sucking society here in America where ingesting 9,000 salty fatty calories in half a day is a real possibility and landing in the ER with oxygen levels in the 50s (it should be AT LEAST high 80s) b/c you are now attempting to lift a large child’s amount of weight off your chest every breath is a real thing?

I don’t know how many readers we have left since we’ve been so MIA, but if any of you are out there reading this and have a verse to lift me up or a prayer to give, this broken, burnt out doctor would be grateful.

Rebekah M.

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9 thoughts on “Burnt Out

  1. Galatians 6:9 KJV
    And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

    Matthew 5:44-48 KJV
    But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; [45] That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. [46] For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? [47] And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others ? do not even the publicans so? [48] Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

  2. Is good to read about you again. Sad that you’ve though all that. One of the things that I’ve always enjoy about all your posts (you and the Rebekahs) is that your stories are real, just as your readers, and made me feel that I was not the only one that faced tough challenges. There is a verse that always remind me that when I feel the lowest, is God’s perfect timing to show me His glory. 2 Corinthians 12:9 : “But he said to me: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. I hope you can find strength and peace in His promises.

  3. Wow Rebekah M.! I am sorry to hear of this. Here is a verse which will help with prayers from me to you…

    1 Corinthians 15:58

    “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be firm, steadfast, always fully devoted to the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

    Work can be easier and more rewarding if you look at it from the perspective of the work of the Lord. We are each called to a unique vocation on earth, and we are serving both God and our neighbor in some way at work. We are told that our work, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is not in vain. Pray to ask for guidance as to how your daily work is instrumental to God’s plan for you.

    AMEN

  4. To everyone who gave an encouraging word and prayers- God was SO good to me today! I helped deliver a patient’s child- their second and also my second delivery for them. What an honor and privilege it can be to work with GRATEFUL patients! It was so amazing to have the grandma look me in the eye and tell me “thank you for giving me two healthy grandkids.” I was so broken this morning and I am just so energized. I KNOW your prayers were heard. I KNOW my God took pity on me today. I KNOW that God sees us in our broken times and can help put us back together 🙂

    GOD BLESS YOU ALL for your prayers and words! Thank you!

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