I Didn’t Say Yes (Part 2)

Over Valentine’s Day my boyfriend was amazing. Two year’s before, I had been dating someone else and I went all out for him: a half dozen bacon roses with zuppa toscana soup for a starter, $20 of filet mignon with bacon wrapped asparagus for the main course, and homemade chocolate used to dip strawberries in.

He was so unworthy.

Within a month he was accusing me of being a temptress wanting **almost** sex all the time, even right after church, when I wanted him to just hold my hand since he hadn’t done so in weeks. This was the same man that I “didn’t say yes” to. I think it was his guilt that did it- for him to be SO mean and accusing.

This year though- this year- this other man, over 10 yrs that other person’s junior, was so much more mature, sweet, and kind. He made me chicken marsala from scratch and brought it to a local outdoor mall so we could eat and walk afterwards. As we walked, I felt my heart splintering a little- I liked him SO much but he didn’t know yet; he didn’t know what that other person had done to me.

So… I finally broke down and told him that I thought it was time he finally knew. I was holding back because I needed to know that he wouldn’t walk away from me despite what had happened. I believed him to be a man who wouldn’t, but part of me just kept worrying he couldn’t accept the “used” me.

He told me he wanted to confess something to me too and went first. It was soooo innocent comparably, I could only fear more that he would still not be able to accept me as I am… but then… when I finally told him… he just held me as I cried. He promised me this was not something that would make him walk away from me. That he was more than able to accept me having had this happen to me. That he would NEVER do anything similar and I was safe with him.

—————————————————————————————————–

This is how Christ is with us. I’ve believed all my life that my future husband would help me experience a deeper understanding of God and this relationship has been doing that. To accept me, scars and all, is exactly how Christ loves us. We can bring ANYTHING to Him and He’ll hold us as we work through the pain and then promise us that with Him, He will only continue to honor and respect us despite the scars. 

—————————————————————————————————–

I love this man of mine.

Over a month later and I only know more and more each day that I love him and I want to marry him one day.

Jesus, 

Thank you for this man of mine. I couldn’t have asked for a kinder, sweeter man. I pray that if it is Your Will, we come together as man and wife one day.  Heal our respective wounds and hold us each close in the mean time. Continue to help us understand You and Your love better each day in how we interact. Lord, bless these readers and help them know that whatever they bring to the table- there is NOTHING that You cannot cover and that You cannot spread Your healing balm of love over. You are THE great physician and I know that You can bring them healing as You have been doing in me. 

Thank you Jesus,

Rebekah M

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s