I actually was already to the 4th chapter when I decided to start blogging this journey instead so I went back to the start so you all could join along.
My latest break up showed me I am still working on my identity since I still battle with keeping God on the pedestal instead of the man I’m with.
“[Jesus’] life and ministry demonstrated that (1) knowing our God-given identity is a key priority for each of us, and (2) allowing God to be the One to help us discover it and live it out is foundational to fulfilling our purpose in life”
In the past, I have fought thoughts of suicide- the last time I actually had a plan and would have done it if I had had access to that medication.
But this past year with this actually amazing man was SO grounding for me. I grew so much both with his help as well as my counselor. I have learned how to create boundaries and finally started to speak my needs out loud.
I have not had even ONE thought of suicide even with severe work stress and the break up!!! I am healed!!!!
I’m thankful for the year we had together. I wish it could have been more, but only time and God will tell if there aren’t going to be any more years together.
I have been slowly learning throughout my life, a little more each year, on who God says I am… and each time embracing a little more of that truth.
If I am to thrive in the calling God placed on my life, I need to finally define myself by who HE says I am- strong in Him, beautiful for He clothed me in His grace, and truly priceless beyond measure.
Beneath your daily words and ambitions, behind your regular thoughts and emotions, is a pool of hidden beliefs about your own identity and worth that either clarifies or confuses the choices you make in life.
I was defined by my fears and feelings of self-worthlessness to the point I pushed this man to feel like he was in a corner and his only options were either get married to break up but he wasn’t ready to get married so he picked the only other option he thought available.
I think he was allowing himself to be defined by his fears and feelings of self-worthlessness as well when he thought he couldn’t be the man he thinks I need. Someone apparently way more spiritual than he is today- when what I need is a man that is trying to emulate Christ that treats me with the level of love and respect he did.
I realized we prioritize the love languages differently. He’s actions > words of affirmation while I’m the opposite.
I see now how we could end up in a place where we’re no longer together but still saying we love each other. The deep levels of misunderstanding I can’t even begin to describe… but I’m hoping to one day rectify that. In His timing. And maybe He’ll never release me to do so, or maybe the guy will come to me wishing to discuss first.
All I know in the mean time is this: if I take this time now to ground my identity in Christ, I will not need to cross this bridge again with him or any other man if he never comes back to me.
Let us seek together who HE says we are. If anyone wants to share a scripture on what God says of us below, please do so! Let’s remind each other what finally embracing our God- given identity looks like ❤
9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. – I Peter 2:9
Grounding myself in Him a little more each day,