I have come to realize that my whole life- I have wished SO badly to be defined as “wanted by a man.” The reasons behind the whys of all this are varied and run so deep. I do not blame my parents, for I believe much of it stems from the cultural issues between their home country and mine, their slowly budding faith during my formative years which began when they converted to Christianity when I was 4, and the lies of the enemy sown deep into our world.
In the 80s and 90s and even beyond, Hollywood and the world have taught women over and over again that she is only of worth if she is deemed “sexy” and “wanted [by men originally and now male or female, but in a sexual manner].” As I was growing up, these lessons were taught to me too through billboards, movies, TV, and more. I came to see myself as only someone walking in the path God took her (medical school and more), but still worthless since no man had finally claimed me as “his.”
This is the biggest lie from the pit of hell to girls and women.
This break up made me finally see the truth: I am defined by who GOD says I am! Just because I have never been a wife nor a mother does not mean that I haven’t nurtured the younger ones and it does not mean that I am unwanted and worthless.
I don’t know how to to explain this. You can even read some of my old posts and see that I’ve said this before, but it was a… maybe 10% understanding of who I truly am in Him.
He has been using the time of sorrow to turn me into the kind of woman who can finally walk in the destiny He’s created for her, no longer bound by the definitions of this world that chained me.
Each day, I have felt it deeper and more real – I am a woman of strength, integrity, love, and intelligence that is called by the One true God to be a witness that He is GOOD and the ULTIMATE PHYSICIAN- of mind, body, and spirit!
This world broke my self-worth but God has been restoring it slowly over the years.
So may blog posts about men and God making me shine more… but in it all I still had this goal of becoming a wife/mother in mind… but is that who God truly created me to be? I honestly don’t think that is God’s definition of anyone to be honest.
When I think about it Jesus was a son, brother, and I’m sure an uncle- but He was not defined by those things- so why would I ever try to make myself defined by an external role? Is a person of any less worth if they do not have a sibling? Is a man defined as less because he’s never had a girlfriend? Is a widow no longer of worth when their spouse dies or does a divorce make one trash? No. No. No.
So why are we allowing this world to define us? Why are we allowing Hollywood and the pits of hell tell us anything about who we are?
I just keep hearing God tell me “You are marvelous my child.” EVERYTHING I told this man in our last, parting conversation on Sunday after I gave him that note I hear GOD telling ME- I’m braver, stronger, more amazing than even I can see <3.
Oh the tears, battles, and more that I have fought chasing to finally be a definition that the WORLD has been trying to make me think I needed to chase. If worldly love never finds me again, I am still beloved by Jesus Christ. If I never have children of my own, I can still nurture the future generations. If I never have another man love me, I am still of worth.
Oh Lord! I see it now- I see myself in Your mirror as I never have before! THANK YOU JESUS for finally, finally opening my eyes to who I am in You!
I don’t know if that man and I are ever meant to be together again- I honestly deeply wish it so – but I know now – it doesn’t matter. I have a calling and I have a purpose on this earth and a man wanting to be with me does not make me of worth- For You God have already made me priceless beyond measure when You died for me on the cross.
I pray God open your eyes to who He sees you are. The scales have fallen off my eyes for myself. What the enemy intended for evil- God used to create such good! I’m free! I’m free! I’m finally, really free of what the world wants to define me as- worthless for no man wants to claim me as his own- that is SUCH a lie!!!! You can be free too! I promise you, I promise you dear reader- don’t let the enemy lie to you. Pray for God to open your eyes and ears to HIS WORDS. You’ll need to stop watching movies, stop watching TV shows, get away from the songs and magazines of this world- but it’ll be worth it. To break the ties of definitions created by Hollywood and this world, you must shield yourself away. You will only be bombarded with messages that you aren’t good enough and you are stupid/fat/ugly etc when put up against the air brushed images presented to you. In seeking Him in prayer and reading His Word and finding Godly resources will you finally see who you truly are. Beautiful/handsome, magnificent, and loved.
Redefined In Him,
1 Corinthians 3:13
his workmanship will be evident, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will prove the quality of each man’s work.