God’s timing on everything is amazing. At the time I somewhat recognized that (although I never thought that my exbf truly would break up with me) but if he did, at least I’d be home with my parents for my birthday. In my mind he’d be beside me at least via videochat (issues with flights/timing work etc). Here though- my mom has indulged me with her buttered lobster dish and I have been free to breathe and just… heal.
I know that what my exbf did was of God. I know he MUST have this time to find out if he’s serving Christ for himself… but it doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. It doesn’t mean that I don’t occasionally let my human side feel rejected and “was it that I wasn’t good enough? was my love not enough yet again?”
But God whispers to me “My love, when your heart is finally ready, he will come.”
He isn’t promising it’s the same guy.
He just promises me that my dreams of being a wife and mother can still be a dream, just don’t have to define me and it’s okay if they don’t come to pass.
MUCH better to marry late than marry wrong.
The march of men of my past were SO many unworthy guys. Jerks. Lazy. and much more. Many were decent and even a few really good (this was my 5th official boyfriend, I’m in my 30s, and I’ve obviously talked to more than 5 guys). This guy was literally my dream man… and it is a little scary to think maybe I’ll never meet another guy like this… but I have to believe God has my best in mind.
So… while I wait I heal.
When my patients come to me wanting to be back on their feet from a pneumonia or cold within less than a week sometimes I want to just look at them like they’re crazy. We MUST rest at times. What some deem “a little cold” might be a serious infection that takes the body 1-2 weeks to get over- maybe even more. When I had pneumonia it took almost half a year for my body to recover. It was FRUSTRATING and worse, my exbf even yelled at me for not going to the gym- just like my first exbf. I almost broke up with him for that but I had to have compassion in my heart for his dad died when he was in his teens.
I wish I could teach my exbf that although he’s right and it’s good to take care of the bodies God has given us- just like the cars/houses/etc that He’s given us to function in this world- he needs to forgive his dad and he needs to realize that if we’re doing our best – God covers the rest.
So… in this time of healing and reflecting, I just wait. God will do the healing.
So dear reader,
When you are hurt whether physically, mentally, or emotionally give yourself the time and space to heal. God has created a season for everything and currently, this is my time to be healed and restored. Shining even better and brighter than before.
Doctor’s orders 😉