Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God
~ Rom 12:2
The Kendrick brothers start the chapter here and so have I. They note:
“People who begin embracing a lie about their identity will constantly struggle with confusion and inconsistencies between their thoughts and emotions on the one hand and the reality of God’s Word and everyday life on the other.”
I have been this person. I still am her at times. I try so hard to embrace that God created me to be His warrior in prayer and yet I’m so exhausted and loaded with the daily grind I cannot even think some days. My soul and mind and heart are poured out often and especially with a recent break up, I cannot help but feel drained at times.
I loved him so deeply.
It is hard to have actually, finally, had a year long relationship- one that I loved so deeply and fully for once. One that I thought was finally “the one” and yet find myself here again, struggling with not letting myself feel rejected when he stated it was for his own spiritual personal growth that he did this, and wishing so badly he was still deep in my life like he was.
But I am more than just a broken heart or a boyfriendless/husbandless woman.
I did love him, but I cannot let him or any other man ever be my world again. Jesus needs to be my world and men can come and go, but I will still be okay. A woman lost her husband to suicide and she told me “I told God, YOU have to hold my heart, years ago and that is how I am doing well.” I cried and asked her to pray for me. I believe it did help.
God has called me to battle. Yesterday’s preachings BOTH touched on David and Goliath and that was at two separate churches with two different ministers! God told me I had to go to the second church even though it was an hour away- that He had a message for me. I thought it might be about “the one” or something else like that… instead it was a battle cry.
The morning started with “we must slay our giant which is our thoughts before we can put on the armor that is only accessible by royalty but then take them up and know that slaying the giant is only the beginning.” The evening was a battle cry.
Fight with His weapons! Stop looking with YOUR eyes! Prayer, fasting, the name of Jesus, His blood, His Word – these are our weapons. Get SO angry with the devil that you go on the offensive because the best defense is a good offense.
This is who I am created to be and to shine forth as- one who fights in the spirit, not in the flesh. Who fights with love, not anger and hatred.
Lord, let it all shed away and let me finally fully embrace YOUR identity for me- not what the world would tell me “discarded yet once again” “unloveable” “undesireable” “worthless.”
May you too take up God’s mantle and identity for you. May you too reject what the world is trying to label you as. May you too pick up your sword, your shield, your amour and fight in Him. Learn the word I was given yesterday that