In my time since the break up I have been growing, changing, learning to reject the lies of the enemy and trying to define who I am destined to be in Christ.
I’m currently flying back home and decided to use the time to work on a few things like doing a bible journal for the first time – it was pretty cool to really dive deep into Psalms chapter 1. Basically it’s this plan here: http://www.bible-reading.com/bible-plan.html but I also used the amplified bible to get a deeper meaning to the words.
I started with Psalms chpt 1-2 and essentially it all boils down to- those who are in passionate pursuit of Christ- meditating and thinking of Him and His ways all day will be blessed (favored, prosperous) and those who don’t eventually become of no worth and no substance.
I want to be one who is blessed “[fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God]” so I started drafting a vision board for myself. While researching vision boards it became apparent that this cannot just be “I want a hot husband and a great job and be a great Christian” and that’s it (for it can actually make your mind think it’s already been rewarded and decreased motivation *citation below*). Some believe the law of attraction will just make it happen but it’s more than that. You have to work on and envision the steps necessary to get you to your goal. Yesterday’s post was a start to that but I realized I need to keep delving deeper- this is what my 40 days is about – to seek God on not just where He wants me to go- but HOW to go about it.
2 boyfriends ago I felt God ask me if I still wanted that man or someone else- I eventually broke down and told God “you see above this rat maze, You can see what steps I need to take next- just let Your Will for my life be.”
And so here I am again, once again single, but this time stronger and slightly more sure of myself. Finally realizing though that I MUST hammer out who I really am in Him so that I’m finally ready for the right guy… and also who is that guy?
I loved the last boyfriend so much… I still love him to be honest. But I have to accept that unless he goes to Christ and finally gives over his fear of loving someone so much that their death could devastate him (and knowing that God can make it so even if that happened, he would still thrive and that all our days are in His hands), we have no chance.
I believe that my love for him is so much that I would root him through any battle and any issue and I would pray and fast for him like crazy… but he needs to want to heal and grow so I know I MUST only standby as a friend and keep my heart open for love- even if it’s with someone else.
So what does this mean?
To take the lid off who I think I want (since it was basically him) to who is my ideal husband… not just to recognize him when he comes into my life, but also to make a goal for who ** I ** want to become to match him. And maybe he’ll never come along, but maybe, just maybe, it’s because I’m not able to be his helpmeet just yet.
I created a list in the past- but I see now just how needy that girl that I used to be was. “A man to call me beautiful every day.” Rare is that man and although it would be nice… it’s not necessary anymore. God calls me beautiful and beloved and I need to solidify myself in this before any man can finally be in my life.
No matter what though, I will become more beautiful in Him if I take this time to dig into Him and who I truly am called to be. I’m hoping to have some amazing journeys in the mean time. I’m praying about doing a refugee camp medical missions trip to Greece in march/April but I’m trying to get incredibly aggressive with my student loans so I’m unsure if I should or not. And would it look shameful if a doctor tried to raise funds to go on a trip so that I could still go but stay aggressive on the loans?
So Dear Readers,
If you want, join me in continuing on this new journey of defining yourself in Him as I do the same. Start to work on a vision board for yourself too if you feel to. Let’s start making God and self-growth in Him our priorities in a way we haven’t done before.
Seeking to become who He called me to be,
Ephesians 1:4 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.”