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God is Faithful

My faithfulness and My mercy shall be with him: and in My name shall his horn be exalted (Psalm 89:24).

I-am-faithful-to-keep-My-covenant

I came to God in my mid-twenties feeling broken, alone, and hopeless. God did what only He can do and transformed my life. It is through Him that we become whole. In walking with Him we realize we are never alone. And it is in Him that we have hope.

Those early months were such a struggle. I wanted so much to live for God, but I didn’t know how, and I didn’t really think it was possible. I didn’t have faith that I could do it because I had failed so many times before. Then one Sunday the pastor was preaching and he stood at the pulpit and said, “We are not faithful, but God is faithful!” Suddenly the light bulb came on. I had never in my life heard that God is faithful. I had heard many times about faithful people, but never once do I recall ever being told that God is faithful. It seems so obvious to me now, but at the time it was revolutionary; the thought had just never occurred to me. The pastor talked about how we have little faith, faltering faith, inconsistent faith, but that God is constant. That His love for us never fails. That He will never give up on us. That it is through Him that we are transformed. We don’t have to rely on our own abilities because He is faithful. It was an earth-shattering thought. In that very moment I was freed from the burden of having to do it on my own. I was released from the cycle of trying and failing. I didn’t have to do it on my own; I could give it to God. I could let God take care of it because He is faithful!

The Lord is faithful;Great is thy faithfulness He will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one (2 Thessalonians 3:3).

Now years later I marvel at how such a simple concept was so foreign to me. It seems implausible that I didn’t know that the Lord is faithful, but I truly didn’t know. Thank God for the Word of God and for His anointed messengers!

It’s interesting though because we can know something and believe something and yet sometimes we still need reminding of that thing. Occasionally, I need to be reminded of the faithfulness of God. I shouldn’t need this, for God has proved his faithfulness to me over and over again. Even still, I need to regularly open my Bible and let His Words wash over me, reassuring me that everything in it is true.

His promises are true.His faithfulness continues

His salvation is true.

His mercy is true.

His faithfulness has not wavered!

For the Word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love (Psalm 33:4-5).

Thank you, Lord for the reminder. Thank you for your never-ending patience with me. Thank you for the measure of faith that you have given me to be confident in your faithfulness. I love you, Jesus.

Rebekah L.

Praise Report!!! Hope Where there Seemed No Hope!

Dear readers who have been following my journey- God may have provided a way of escape for me! Having just posted my post last night about Freedom and praising Him despite my fears and doubts and letting them fall away, I received an email this morning from one of my top choices today saying that they would still rank me despite my current situation!!! I have hope!!! Even better- it came AFTER my praise and worship!!! WOW! Wonderful God that He gave me the chance to show true trust and faith in Him! This journey isn’t over yet, but I have hope of truly becoming a doctor and working at a place that I enjoy!!! Wonderful, wonderful Savior, thank You for hope!!!

Rebekah M.

Rolling With the Punches

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; ~ II Corinthians 4:8-9 KJV

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. ~ II Corinthians 4:10 NIV

Tonight I got a flat tire. Right as I was pulling up to church my tire went flat. I essentially missed EVERYTHING- caroling, the dinner– but God is still good! I praise Him that it happened RIGHT as I was getting to the church.  I praise Him that it was an opportunity to invite the guy who changed my tire to the church.  I praise Him that He is good in ALL things!! I know my God can turn ANY situation into good (Romans 8:28).

Tonight my mom called me up to encourage me.  I thank God for her.  She was like “I’ve been praying for you honey and I felt God say this was just a Job moment.” That is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately.  God wants to SHINE through my situations.  He wants to shine by showing a reversal of the situation with me potentially never becoming a doctor.  He wants to shine by showing that I can get a flat but He can use it for good.  He wants to shine by having told Satan “have you considered my handmaiden [Rebekah M.]?” He wants to shine.

Jesus,

Shine through me.  Let everything be done in Your timing.  I praise You. I thank You that You count me worthy.  I thank You Lord! I praise You Jesus!!! There is NONE like you!!! I thank You Jesus that You are good even in the midst of the storm!! I thank You Jesus that You are full of grace and truth.  I love You Jesus.  I WILL praise You in this storm. Bless these readers. Bless those who are going through a storm to see Your hands.  Bless those who are in a season of favor to recognize it and claim their blessings! Bless my dear, wonderful Lord.  I love You with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

Unexpected Blessings: Concerts and Policemen

Concerts: 

Tonight, I got to go to the concert of a conductor friend of mine.  He has worked so hard to get to where he is today.  It was amazing to me that I was there for his very first performance back in high school and today, I was able to see him conduct a powerful group of singers in a prestigious music program. My how far we can go! I was unsure if I should take time away from church (my last service here in this city) to go, but then on my way I felt God tell me it was okay. Low and behold, the last song was about putting our hands to the plow, holding on, and moving forward. The vocals were phenomenal- it reminded me that God’s creation is so amazing and perfect. That JUST voices could create such a beautiful, powerful sound struck me with awe for His great ways. To top it off with lyrics that hold such meaning….  what a blessing where I was least expecting it!!!

Policemen:

All my life I struggled with self esteem issues until Ex #1 broke up with me, I went on an over 2 month fast, and God transformed me so completely from the inside out that I realized it was GOD esteem that mattered.  It doesn’t matter what I look like on the outside, and yet I realized that God made me beautiful.  I saw who GOD saw me as and so it mattered more that I was praying than grooming time did.  I cared more for thinking of what things pleased Him than I did about how I could do things to please guys in how they saw me.  When I looked in the mirror all I saw was that God created me beautiful. Lately, I’ve felt fat.  I’d look in the mirror and for some reason, even though I haven’t gone up a size in clothes yet, all I see is the fatness.

Tonight, as I was walking back to my room at the hospital (I’m living in the hospital this month), one of the policemen that guard the ER asked me out.  He was tall, good looking, and straight up stopped me to ask me out- my kind of guy! It was just so assuring because it felt like to me that Jesus was saying “see? You are still beautiful, even when you don’t see it. I will bring you a husband… in MY timing.” For along with the feelings of physical ugliness, I just starting wishing I had a husband.  My brain would ruminate over the fact that Ex #1 is married (while I am not), so many other people are married, and so many others are also having kids and sending them to pre-school etc. etc. etc.

I want a family that lives for Jesus.  I want a husband who will lead us all on this journey towards Christ with a passion for the God of creation.  I want a man who will be a father to our children, a prayer partner that connects with my spirit, and a friend who gets my soul.  I also realized I’m pretty superficial and hope he’s CUTE! haa! Is my definition of cute the same as everyone else’s? Not always. haa haa! And this policeman was certainly good looking in my book! So I think Jesus was just saying- wait some more on ME, my child. Wait.

Jesus, 

Thank You for these unexpected blessings.  Thank You for things to make me smile and soothe my weary soul.  Thank You for Your goodness and mercy.  Thank You for reminding me You find me beautiful.  Give me strength to just WAIT. I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

Rebekah M. 

BTW- for those wondering, I told him I was moving tomorrow (because I am) so I wouldn’t be able to go on a date with him… it was still a nice way to end my day though 🙂

God’s Choice

We here at BeingRebekah have (clearly) not been posting as much lately and I (Rebekah M.) just wanted to give some updates on our lives 🙂

Rebekah A and L have been dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.  Although both were spared (thank You Jesus!), one was without power for days and the other had to deal with searching over two days to find gasoline.  It is so wonderful that everyone is accounted for and safe.  Thank You Jesus for Your tender mercies!!!

I had a busy day yesterday with an interview in the morning and service over an hour away at night.  It was amazing meeting new people though. After service, a bunch of us went out to eat and there came a time of discussion and they pointed out that Saul was a choice to fulfill the wrongful wishes of the people while David was to fulfill God’s wishes.

During service this morning, I felt God talk to me (completely unrelated to the sermon) a bit more about this in terms of my life.  My first ex, I felt God say that was a fulfillment of shallow wishes- he was SO handsome- 6’2, blonde, blue eyed, biceps as large as my thighs, when I first started talking to him and told my friends “you know, the guy that looks like a Ken Doll” they immediately knew who I was speaking about. But He said to me today “MY choice for the man for your life will not be as you expect, he will have a heart after Me.”  I got the sense I may not even recognize him as God’s choice for me initially. David was the LAST one brought to Samuel to anoint because no one would expect HIM of all people to be God’s choice for future king. So who knows, maybe he’s even already in my life right now and I just don’t recognize him yet?

It should be kept in mind that Saul had a purpose-  (I Sam 9)”that he may save My people from the hand of the Philistines.” Messed up as the situation was, Saul served his purpose just as Ex #1 served the purpose of growing me more in Him than ever before and expanding who I am as a person to be more tolerant of others, more calm in the midst of storm (for He was right by my side during the most painful time of my life), and to praise Him at all times.

All I do know is that I also get the sense that God was telling me not to worry. Just as He was already preparing David long before he was anointed king, He has been preparing a David for my life long before we start dating.  I actually think it started on my “victory day” back in December when I finished my 3 week fast for Ex#1 and worshipped for over an hour on the phone with my parents and then my prayer partner, praising God for my unseen victory (even without him in my life ever again for I felt God was creating a new path in my life that day).

Jesus, 

Thank You for providing a David for my life.  Thank You that even if I may not recognize him, you know his heart and You know when the right time will be for us to finally start a new chapter together. Lord, just help me leave it all in Your capable hands and give no thought to the when and the how.  I love You Jesus and I praise You and thank You for the life You have provided for me! 

Rebekah M. 

Related articles:

http://www.enduringword.com/commentaries/0909.htm

http://www.enduringword.com/commentaries/0916.htm

The Unexpected (aka Restoration pt 2)

So this weekend turned out to be so much more interesting than I had expected it to. I knew going in that I was attending a wedding and was carpooling there with a guy friend of mine. Originally it was supposed to be with he and his girlfriend but they ended up breaking up shortly before so she didn’t even come along.

Best way to describe this weekend: Mind. Blown.

He and I have been friends for a few years now and no- we are not dating. That I know of he’s not even interested. However- for the first time I felt like I recognized things in someone where I was like- “that- that’s what I want.”  For the first time I feel like I met someone who would actually do the daily “so who did you invite to church today?” conversation I imagine having with my future husband at the dinner table. For the first time I felt like I met someone who’d jump in and pray over things and people as passionately as I do. For once I felt like I met someone who would be just as willing to open his door to people in need- whether it be a meal or a bed to sleep on.

Does this mean I think he’s the one? No. This means that I feel there’s hope that there really is someone out there for me that’s still single.  If this friend of mine exists and is still single- then perhaps there are more like him.

I don’t know if he wants more than friendship. I don’t even know if I want that since I’m pretty sure for things to work out I’d have to have a residency near him given various circumstances that have him where he is (the most important of which is I truly think God has called him to help with the church he’s currently attending). However, it was wonderful just being near a single guy my age where it was SO easy to talk about Jesus, he was attractive from the inside out, has a super fun personality, and a genuine love for God and the things of God.

So from what I wrote does that mean I’d never date him? No. It just means that I have no clue where God wants to take it all but I’m putting it all in His hands.

Jesus,

Thank you for a great weekend filled with You, friends, and laughter.  Thank You for reminding me that I have hope of a future. Whether it’s with that guy or someone else- You will reveal in Your timing. Thank You that You are good. I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

Rebekah M.

Related Post: https://beingrebekah.com/2012/07/15/restoration/

God’s Daily Love Letter.

O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with my glory. Awake, psaltery and harp: I myself will awake early. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: and I will sing praises unto thee among the nations. For thy mercy is great above the heavens: and thy truth reacheth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: and thy glory above all the earth; Psalm 108:1-5

There was a time in my life when every time I drove and saw the beauty of the land before me, I couldn’t help but burst into praise to Him. A beautiful sunset. Snow falling seen through street lamp light. Adorable puppies playing. So many of us rush about our lives- trying to get from one place to the next as quickly as possible… missing the beauty in the the small things.

Lately I’ve taken to rushing about again a little… but Jesus is helping me to take time to stop and just worship Him in the moments. Live for today. Accept the things I cannot change and change my perspective to be content in Him. You and I cannot always change the things around us- especially people- but we can change our own attitudes.  Take in the sun when it shines. Enjoy the birds singing.  Smile when you see a baby giggling.  Live in today. Live in Him and for Him. Join me in finding His beauty in the small things. His daily love letters to us.

Jesus, 

Thank You for Your daily love letters to us.  Thank You that when we look for it- You bring us things to tell us You love us.  Thank You that they can even be things like all green lights on our way to work.  I love You Jesus for all the wonderful things You do.  I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

Rebekah M. 

Related post: https://beingrebekah.com/2012/08/28/god-gives-me-flowers/

Perfect Peace

 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” –Isaiah 26:3

Yesterday through Facebook I got a frantic message that a very good friend of mine was in a motorcycle accident. It was a terrifying moment for me. I kept rereading the words and trying to make sense of them. I felt incredibly helpless. This friend lives on the other side of the globe and there was nothing I could do to help him. Or even to get more information.

How did it happen? Was he hurt? Would he be okay? Is he in the hospital?

I had so many questions and so little information. I was scared of losing him. “Please please please let him be okay”, I prayed, feeling the emotion welling up inside me. Irrationally, I considered going to the airport immediately to catch the next plane to get to where he is. There was a time that he and I had planned to get married and I still love him deeply even if the nature of that love has shifted. To consider that he might be seriously injured and I wasn’t with him was more than I knew how to handle. I really did not know what to do with myself. I kept refreshing my Facebook page over and over again, hoping for a new message from his friend. I was desperate for more information. I felt paralyzed. Absolutely helpless. The fear rising up in me was fierce.

Then suddenly it occurred to me that even from half way across the world, there was something I could do for him. I could trust God, and I could pray. My focus then shifted from the situation to God. I remembered that God is the Creator, the Almighty, and our Healer. Everything is in His hands. When I began to meditate on that, I immediately felt peace. I knew God was taking care of the situation. This time when I prayed, I prayed with the assurance that God was in control and no matter what happened He would still be in control. I reminded myself that this man knows the Lord. If the very worst should happen, he is still safe in the Lord’s care. Regardless of how long he has life on this earth, he has the promise of eternal life with the King.

I became completely filled with His peace. It is difficult to even explain it, but every ounce of fear left me. I was able to completely surrender the situation to Him. I continued to pray for my friend for mercy and healing, but it was no longer a prayer out of selfish desperation. It was a prayer based on who the Lord is and knowing what He is capable of doing. Mostly, I just prayed that the Lord’s will be done. I knew without a doubt that it would be.

A few hours later I got the message that my friend will be fine. He is scraped up, bruised up, and has a broken wrist, but he has no internal injuries. He will make a full recovery. The worst of my fears were not even remotely realized. If I had not surrendered to God, I would have spent all the time making myself sick with worry. All of my worry would not have accomplished anything.

I praise God that he is okay! Thank you Jesus for protecting my friend! I know it could have been much worse and the mercy of the Lord has kept him for another day. Thank you, Jesus for your peace in the midst of a storm. Thank you for calming the waves of fear and teaching me once again to trust in you!

Dear Reader, when you feel helpless, when a situation is beyond your control; it is never beyond God. He will give you perfect peace if you trust Him to handle every situation that comes up in life. In scary moments when loved ones may be hurt or in danger, give all of your fears and concerns the Lord. He will carry you through every difficult circumstance in your life if you let Him.

-Rebekah L.

Letter to a Stranger

This is from an email I was going to write someone …

I’m not even sure why I’m sharing this with you- a virtual stranger, but I’ve found when I allow myself to be transparent, people are encouraged, challenged, or touched by Jesus. This whole “seeking Jesus thing” is really not going as I have planned.

I know what I need to do and yet I just am fighting it- I’m fighting Him. I just… don’t want to push so hard anymore.  Dig so much.  He provided all that I needed/wanted during my desert time and yet a huge part of me is soo hesitant to go back into that…. both guys I dated I felt so strongly that God was in it… at first… I prayed so much against meeting my most recent ex if Jesus didn’t have anything for us to learn/grow from it. Clearly He must have, but part of me is angry, frustrated that once again, He allowed some guy to come into my life and rip into me. Just like how He allowed the first to rip me to shreds.  

How is it that I can charge Him with the sins of others and yet not see that although He willingly takes the blame, He did not actually inflict the pain? Why is it that I feel like I need to forgive Him for not watching out for me when He is the one who has forgiven me of so much?  Why do I always feel like I give so much of who I am so freely to others and all they do is see it, rip it to shreds, and throw it in the trash? Where is my Isaac that I thought would be here and why can’t I learn to fully be content in my moments? Why can’t I just truly wait in peace in Him and the promises He has for me?  My heart wants to cry “Where are You Jesus?” and yet I know where He is… He’s waiting… but just like how I’m afraid of trusting any guys again, I’m afraid of trusting Him since part of me blames Him for even allowing them in my life in the first place.  Why must growing and learning hurt SO MUCH?  I miss the safety of not knowing. I miss the bliss of being naive to the world. 

I realized while talking to a close friend of mine that I had become the Ex#2 in my relationship with Jesus- texting no more than once or twice a day and talking once or twice a week on the phone.  Jesus doesn’t want that.  Jesus doesn’t want me to be Ex #2 in my relationship with Him.  He wants to hear from me every day as much as I wanted to hear from Ex #2.  It doesn’t detract from His worth when I don’t talk to Him, it just means that He just wants to get to know me better and let me know Him better.

Yet part of me fights…. I realize I haven’t allowed myself to fully grieve over the fact that once again I was dumped. I hurt from the shame of being dumped again. I hurt from feeling like I was ready to put my heart out there and was once again pushed away.  I hurt and part of me wants to blame God since I can’t take my anger out on my ex.

Lord, 

Just take it.  Bind me up again.  Release me from this pain.  Purge me of the darkness and dirt. Help me find what You wanted me to take away from the relationship.  I’m going to stop fighting You. I see now- it wasn’t Your fault and it’s not fair to be angry at You when I really want to be angry with myself and my ex. If You want me to be single forever, so be it.  If You want me to marry, whomever it may be, so be it. I give it all to You now. Whomever or even no body, You make that choice for me.  You lead and guide my steps.  You show me what I must do.  Be my everything again.  Help me not be distracted by guys but let the right guy become an encouragement to me.. if there is to be a guy.  Let him edify my walk with You as I edify his.  Let our future children (if I have any) glorify Your name from the moment they can speak.  Nothing would be better than if their first word was “Jesus.”  Lord, I so badly want all that I am and do to be consumed by You and the things of You.  I’m sorry I was angry at You. I’m sorry I blamed You when all You wanted was for me to find comfort in You.  I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

Rebekah M. 

Break Out of the Cocoon

For most of my life, I was sheltered.  Both from how my parents raised me as well as of my own doing.  I didn’t want to know.  I didn’t want to find out bad things so I’d literally hold my hands over my ears when people tried to talk about worldly things around me.  In the aftermath of my first breakup, my prayer partner and I worked it through and I came to the realization that I used it as a shield and as a form of pride.  I felt almost invincible from sins since I had never kissed a guy.  I felt almost untouchable from doing bad things since I had never done anything in over 25 years.  Then, I dated my first boyfriend and he stole my first kiss.  Then I dated my second boyfriend and although we also didn’t do that, we did more than the last boyfriend.  Part of me dreads the fact that I know my parents can read this but part of me knows that if I am to purge myself and break out of my cocoon, then this must happen. This transparency must occur.  I just thank Jesus that yet once again I can honestly say we did not do that.

This is all said because I know that what I am going through is life changing, but I don’t even know how to say it all coherently.  God is putting me in this place of knowing I’m human. God is putting me in this place of showing me that He is just waiting to give me the promises He’s been TRYING to give me, but each time He gets ready to, I fail.  I get send back to the wilderness. I fall away from the place where He can give me the promises He has for me.  I keep hiding myself back into a cocoon of either fear, doubt, sinfulness, or evil thoughts. Whatever it is at the time, I just keep putting myself into a place where God’s gifts cannot reach me.

We were made to fly.  

That’s what the preacher kept saying tonight. Somehow, in my mind, it’s all a convoluted mess, but God wants me to tear down my high places, break out of my cocoon, pursue after Him with everything I have, and watch as when it all finally comes together, His promises come pouring in.  But how?

How Jesus? I’m so lost Lord. I need You to just guide me through this process for I know You have a work You’re trying to do in me but I don’t even know where to begin in this journey.  What do You want me to do? Where do you want me to go? Lord, just help guide me.  Help. 

Rebekah M.