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His Hand In All Things

Feb20

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but to the interests of others.” ~Philippians 2:3-4

The past few weeks have been crazy for me. My roommate’s main aide was hit by a bus almost exactly two weeks ago. Since then, I have been at his house almost every day, sitting with him while his wife ran errands or got work done. He is still having intense dizzy spells and still can’t walk unassisted, so it’s best not to leave him by himself. So I’ve been helping him out.

In his absence, my roommate called up a former aide of his (we’ll call him by his initial, “R”) to come back and work the shifts that G (the one who got hit by the bus) was working.  R agreed, saying money was tight and he needed all the work possible. What a blessing!

But once he started, R was constantly late, leaving my roommate stranded in bed or at work for long periods of time (he works 10-hour days as it is). He left a mess everywhere he went. He was resentful of the fact that my roommate’s condition had deteriorated a bit and he needed more help with things than he did before.  So after about a week and a half of this, my roommate sat him down and talked about whether this would work in the long run, and his need for R to be responsible. R got really upset and pitched a fit, insulting both me and the previous aide to get the attention off of himself. He even had to step out for a bit and cool off once they got back to the house. However, the next morning, a Sunday morning, R came in 20 minutes early. What a blessing!

But later that day, as I was getting ready to go to a new church, I got a text from R. He wouldn’t be able to go pick up my roommate from work, but would be able to meet us at the house and help him shower, etc. Fine. No church for me, unfortunately, but fine. So I picked up my roommate, brought him home and fed him dinner, and then we waited for R to come by. And we waited. And waited. Now it’s Wednesday, and we still haven’t heard from the guy. He was paid in advance, and had borrowed a few things from us that will probably never be returned. Without a stable aide situation, many of these duties now fall to me (he has an aide who normally comes two nights per week who has been stopping by on his way to and from work to do the lifting – I’m not physically strong enough to lift a grown man. The other 5 nights and all 7 mornings were G’s, and now supposed to be R’s, responsibility).

So, between taking over for our now non-existent aide, going into Manhattan and back out to queens twice per day, helping out G, trying to track down R, facilitating the hire of a new aide, while still trying to keep things running here at home, suffice to say I have had a crazy few weeks! Not to mention some very short nights! I never thought that I would consider my unemployment to be a blessing.  But honestly, between the extra duties and the construction on my subway line, if I had an actual job I needed to report to I’m not sure where that would leave us. I’d probably have to either quit or take early vacation time. Just extra proof that God’s timing is perfect and He really does have a plan! How amazing is He?!?

Through all this, I have to keep calm and present a fairly happy face. I am the one constant that my roommate still has. G has been in agony, depressed, and despondent, and his injuries have taken a toll on my roommate too – besides his own parents (one deceased and one now in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s), G was probably the one person in his life who would voluntarily go above and beyond for him without asking for something in return. The loss of his presence in this house has been profound. So it is up to me to keep everybody’s spirits up.

I may or may not have helped the situation by telling G that he walked like a zombie and all he needed was some grotesque makeup and he could be on the TV show The Walking Dead. Don’t worry, he laughed.

Anyway, despite my efforts to be a cheerful giver (and a stand-in television casting director), I have been a bit stressed. I prefer being busy to having too much free time, but it is a lot of increased demand on such short notice. And I’ve really only been getting about 4-5 hours of sleep per night. I’m stressed and I’m tired! But then I remember Rebekah at the well, the namesake of this blog, doing all this extra labor for a stranger, who she only came across because she was doing her father’s business, and my spirit seems to come full circle. I read this verse, and let God in to do the work in my heart. This whole situation has been a true lesson in what’s important in life, in how temporary and precious it all is. It’s been a lesson in giving to others beyond what I would have rationed out to them. It’s been a lesson in humility and having the heart of a true servant. I have less time to spend with God than before, but the growth in my heart has been profound. I knew already that I was called to serve God – now I’m just getting a broader idea than ever of what servanthood means.

And that is definitely something to praise God for!

God bless!

~Rebekah A

A Radical Heart

Jan30

I’ve had a problem lately. I want to serve God. And I have specific people who are on my heart to pray for and witness to. And I try to. Sometimes I even do. But that is where I hit a snag. Bringing the full revelation of God, as much as I have it at least, to people who don’t know Him at all is both exhilarating for me and difficult. I find myself spending a lot of time debating whether this message will be heard right, and how this story will be perceived. I find myself both praying for God to give me the words to say to them but also wondering if those words are maybe “too much” God for them right then.

What ends up happening is I censor my Christianity. I censor myself, and I censor God. I pick and choose what parts of Him I talk about. I talk about His love and His peace – I leave out the part that we have to die to ourselves daily and follow Him.

This, to a worldly point of view, makes sense. I’ve always told myself that too. It’s not dampening God per se – it’s just giving an introductory course. And how can that be a bad thing? That’s how we learn things, a little at a time.

The only thing is, God doesn’t work the way the world works.

I’m coming to realize that this censored witnessing doesn’t cut it. It’s not good. As a Christian, witness to others and acting as a vessel, I need to show the fullness of God. I need to show my Savior in His entirety. All of it. His light won’t shine as brightly if I cover it with patches. His thoughts are higher than mine, and His words deeper – what merit do they have if they get filtered through my worldly mind first?

It is very, very easy to fall into this trap, but it’s a trap nonetheless. We are conditioned to be conscious of what everyone else thinks. Even when we don’t try, it is almost impossible to live life without following some trend or other. We navigate relationships, friendships, and work situations with tact and thinking through what we say. And so it is very easy to conform our words to fit the person we’re talking to.

But God doesn’t conform. He is constant, and unchanging, and there. He doesn’t conform. And we shouldn’t either. It’s not up to us to decide what aspects of God (who’s beyond our understanding anyway) will reach a person whose heart we can’t see. God is God. Let Him worry about that. We just need to share Him. He will take care of the rest.

So today I ask God for a heart to pursue Him radically, for all to see. That I pray with abandon even in earshot of my non-believer friends, and discuss Him freely, without worrying how it will be perceived. Today I ask that God light a fire in me so bright and unquenchable for Him that I no longer care about what will be the most effective way to say something, but instead that I live for Him, pursue Him passionately, and let His light pour out of me. I trust that He’ll reach the ones who need to be reached, and draw in the ones who need to be drawn in.  I ask God for the heart to reject the worldly trap of censoring Him, and I invite you all to do the same.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

A Giving Heart (aka Who Gets the Credit Part 2)

Jan23

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others.” ~ Philippians 2:3-4

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” ~ Matthew 6:1-2

Yesterday, Rebekah L posted about giving God the credit for everything we do. It resonated with me. I thought about all the times that I did something, at work or school or even at church, in order to be recognized by others. My deeds were good, but the heart behind them? Not so much. And I thought of how many times in my life I’d felt cheated or slighted by one thing or another. So often we feel like we don’t get what we deserve. It’s frustrating.

The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that it’s actually a good thing. First of all, it’s humbling, which is always ultimately to our good. But more than that, we are called to look at everybody else as being more important than ourselves. Jesus did in fact. He didn’t proclaim Himself as the savior of the world. In fact He even tried not to be noticed when He traveled sometimes. He worked tirelessly, healing and preaching and praying – to the point where those around Him would counsel Him to take a break. While here on earth, He counted everyone as more important than Himself – He saw their needs as greater than His own. And He certainly wasn’t rewarded for it. Unless, of course, you count a crown of thorns and execution as a reward. And yet, look at the eternal glory He’s getting now. And do you really think He’s up there saying “Take that, people. I’m a king now and it’s me you’ll answer to on judgement day – so there!”? Probably not.

But it does go to show that any credit or earthly reward we could get for our deeds pales in comparison to rewards from our Father. We’re told that God sees what is done in secret, and He’ll reward you. Isn’t that enough? I mean, do you really care that you’re not recognized by another person when you know that you’re recognized by God?  We’re also told that when we work for the accolades, that’s as much as we’ll ever be rewarded. Basically, our deeds get rewarded once. It can either be by God or by people. It might sting in the moment, but I know which one I ultimately choose.

So while I’m here, while we’re all here, we’re meant to be the laborers in the background. We’re meant to be working to bless others and spread the message and truth of Jesus in all that we do. It may be exactly that attitude that shows other people that there’s something more, something else we live for. Maybe that’s how God is using you as a vessel in this moment!

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Who Gets the Credit?

Jan22

To God be the glory

Give unto the Lord, O ye mighty, give unto the Lord glory and strength. Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness. -Psalm 29:1-2

I work for a great company that allows a fair amount of autonomy and creative input from its employees; perhaps not as much as we’d like, but far more than any other company I’ve ever worked for. But like many companies, the credit for the most successful of those creative endeavors often does not go to the person to whom it is due. Instead, it is someone a few rungs up on the corporate ladder who always gets the accolades.

One of my co-workers came up with a training program a few years ago that went national and then international at our company. She received no credit for her work. Instead someone a little higher up in the food chain got a raise, a promotion, and a trip to Europe out of it.

This past year, I also came up with a program that has gotten a lot recognition throughout the company. I did all the work. I researched the best way to go about it. I came up with all the materials. I put together all the PowerPoint presentations. I gathered all the data. I put it all in pretty little spreadsheets. I lost sleep designing the lessons and poured myself into making it work and teaching it to other employees at other locations to make it work for them. From top to bottom I did everything — except for naming it. Someone at our regional office gave it a fancy name. The person who gave it a fancy name is the one getting all the credit for this program.

Once the recognition started pouring in and I became aware of the fact that one of my superiors was unashamedly taking credit for my work I had a choice to make. I could complain loudly and often until everyone knew what she had done, or I could sheepishly say nothing and burn with bitter resentment, or I could accept that my job is not to get recognized, my job is to make my superiors look good. The truth is that anyone closely connected to me or the program knows exactly who did the work. It’s only the people a little further removed from it that don’t know. But you know what? I don’t know those people anyway, and they don’t know me. Why should I need them to recognize me? I don’t.

It got me thinking about the things of God. So often God does all the work, and then we humans take the credit for it. Think about the process of soul saving. Jesus did the dirty work of coming down and humbling Himself in the form of a man. He willingly sacrificed Himself for us. He personally shed His own blood. Even when we think we’ve chosen Him, we forget that God chooses the vessel. He puts the hunger inside us. He gives us the measure of faith. He gives us a heart of repentance. He fills us with His Holy Spirit. You know what we do? We put a fancy name on it.

In Genesis we read that when God made creation, He made all these wonderful things and saw that they were good. He creates all the plants and animals and then He makes the creature created in His own image: Adam. Then Adam names all the animals. That’s what we do, we get to give a name to the amazing miracles of God. We name it the Parting of the Red Sea, the Miracle of the Fishes and the Loaves, the Winter Campaign of 2012 or the Revival of 2013. We give it a name so that when we refer to it later everyone knows what we’re talking about, but we didn’t do the work, God did the work.

You may be working hard for God, but never forget that our work as human beings is nothing more than a garnish on the side of the true dish. Our work is just a small slice that God allowed us to be a part of. He doesn’t need us, He chooses to use us. Let’s endeavor never to steal the credit from God. Give Him glory and honor for everything He has done for you, in you, around you and through you. Without Him, nothing in our lives means anything. It’s all in Him! Every good thing we have in our lives is because of Him. It doesn’t matter how rich or beautiful or talented we are, nothing we have is of our own doing. We can’t even take credit for our hard work because He gave us the capacity to do that work. Every testimony you have is God’s testimony. Every soul you’ve touched, is a soul that God touched. Every good thing you’ve done, is a good thing that God did through you, because He is good, not because we are.

He does the work so let’s make sure that He gets the credit.

In His Love,

Rebekah L.

The Talk

Jan19

Today the new guy asked:

So how do you see our relationship?

Given that he’s not in church, I have been struggling with the thought that he might ask me to be his girlfriend soon. Things are nice between us- he texts me daily and it’s never too much or too little.  I don’t feel pressured by him but I also don’t feel like he’s trying to hide me or deny me. I’ve met his family a few times already and his mom even friended me on facebook. He’s so incredibly supportive about boards, interviews, life.  It’s only been about two months but I know that should I cut him off, I would feel the gap in my life. He has found a way to slowly work himself a little niche into my life quietly and without force.

I answered him honestly:

 I definitely think you’re an awesome guy that any girl would be lucky to say she’s dating but I don’t know what you want so… at least in my head i definitely see you as more than just a friend although I also think we have a friendship base which is always important…

It continues to throw me off.  I have only dated two guys before and both were in church and both were disasters.  The first one broke my heart with incalculable coolness and full disregard for my feelings. The second broke my pride and the buddings of feelings with his childish disregard for me and what I tried to put into the relationship- only seeing what he put in. And so it throws me off that this guy has, so far, treated me much better than both guys before him.

This guy, when he kissed me more passionately than I wanted, quickly backed off the moment he sense my hesitation and apologized over and over again and quickly had us switch to something more platonic. Of the three times we’ve hung out so far, limited by my monthly switch in locations, he has shown such consideration for both my feelings as well as my well being.

i guess im saying i dont know if im ready to be your boyfriend yet but i may just need alil time or somethingto idk. I want to get to know you.

In all this, I continue to be unsure… what if he never comes to God? Am I wasting his time? Someone who has treated me a billion times better than guys in the church? He seems so genuine and caring- passing out candy canes to the sick around Christmas- not even for an organization. Even just making sure that “we” were on the same page before he saw me again says SO much about his caring heart… and yet he doesn’t know God? How does this compute? How can one guy have so many Godly attributes and yet not claim Christ? And why is it that I don’t just run as far and as fast away from him before I end up giving such a great guy my heart? I know he doesn’t have it yet, but I also know that I am very drawn to him. He doesn’t push me to do things I don’t want to and when we’re hiking on trails, he makes me feel safe and like I can try anything without fear.

I want him to know God. I want him to experience the One who can make him feel the same way he’s been making me feel when I’m with him.  I want him to know the safety and security of Jesus who died for us and carries us through life. I want Him to experience the views  we see together the way I see it- through the lens of God’s creation.  What majesty this world holds. What evidence of His immense goodness and grace! Beautiful landscapes sing of His awesome power and glorious ways. How amazing is this God of ours! Being someone who loves the beauty of nature as much as he does, I just wish he would also acknowledge the One who created what he loves so much.

And so the talk concluded with us agreeing that we’re at the “seeing someone” stage- not ready to make a more concrete commitment but not denying that the other is more than just a friend either.  But where is Jesus in all this? How do I bring Christ in the middle of this relationship? Perhaps when he’s here next week we’ll find out since I’m not going to skip church for him and he’ll probably want to maximize his time with me.  Feel free to pray for me readers- I’m going to need it.

In Him,
Rebekah M.

Not Giving Up

Jan18

Rebekah L’s post on temporary assignments resonated with me. I have several close friends who are atheist/agnostic, and sometimes I feel called to witness to them. Other times I feel like I need to let it go, at least for now – a sort of “don’t cast your pearls before swine” (Matthew 7:6) thing. If I was taking one step forward and two steps back every time I tried to talk about God, I was helping nobody and doing more harm than good. Time to give it up.

I was at this point with my friend Chris. Chris has a lot of anger and hate and resentment in him from his life, and he surrounds himself with heavy metal music that is all about darkness and death. When I am with him, the darkness around him is so deep it’s almost tangible. It is heartbreaking to me. He hates Christians and Christianity – he’s ignorant about it though. He calls all Christians “Catholics”. But it’s not ignorance due to pure ignorance. Once it was. Now he knows better but holds onto the ignorant things because he thinks it’s more insulting that way. He is so clearly surrounded by demonic presence; I don’t always have great discernment on such things but even I can tell this much. And yet his soul has so much pain in it, there’s a huge void in his heart that’s just crying out to be filled. And I know what can fill it. So I’ve witnessed to him. I’ve prayed for him. I’ve interceded for him. Once I even made a chip in that wall of his. But by the next day, the chip had been repaired with a dark wall twice as thick.  Yet in spite of all this, he is a nice person, and a good person. Just stubborn when it comes to spirituality.

After several years of banging my head against the proverbial wall on his behalf, and finding him more and more closed off every time, I stopped. I wrote him off. I figured this was just not meant to happen and I couldn’t save everyone. I wanted to. So badly. But I couldn’t. So I stopped trying. And I saw Rebekah L’s post about temporary assignments and took it as confirmation that I’d done right.

Then God gave me a vision of sorts. It was a reminder of how much pain Chris is in daily – physically, emotionally and spirituallly. It’s pain I’m aware of and it breaks my heart. Then He showed me a glimpse of how much worse the pain will be, for all eternity, if Chris isn’t saved. Basically, He gave me a glimpse of hell.

For starters, there was physical pain. Maybe this is where the fire idea comes from. As far as I know the Bible only mentions fire once regarding hell. But anyway, Jesus conquered sin and the flesh. Without Jesus, sin stays rampant in us, and sin is slave to flesh. And so flesh remains. And it hurts. Desires of the flesh remain – hunger and thirst. Never satisfied or quenched. And spiritually, the soul is there. Crying out for what it wanted in life – love and peace. But it’s cut off from those things. And it’s dark. And lonely. And there’s no reprieve, not ever. And as I glimpsed it I knew I wasn’t seeing the worst of it. I was seeing the worst of what I could imagine. But the worst of what it truly is goes beyond my ability to grasp. And I was reminded that this awaits my friend, my friend, if I were knowingly to walk away now.

Don’t get me wrong. Our assignments are not permanent. Rebekah L is right. We’re assigned to jobs and tasks, not careers. But for me, God told me this particular one isn’t over yet. It’s not my time to walk away just because I’m tired and frustrated. Eternity goes beyond me.  So I won’t. I can’t. I’ll keep praying, and interceding, and fighting for him. I’ll witness to his face, and pray behind his back if I have to.

I praise Jesus for this reminder – we all need a little kick sometimes, don’t we?? And if any of you have a similar situation – someone you’re praying hard for, or anything that seems futile and frustrating and you can’t quite break through it – comment or email me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com. We can stand in prayer together!

In His love,

~Rebekah A

Just Show Up

Jan11

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.” ~Psalm 30:11-12

cross-rejoice

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” ~ 1 John 4:18

Well, God has done it again. I’ve posted earlier this week about needing to regain my focus. And about shame – how the farther you slide, the more tempting it is to hide your face from Christ who is so perfect and righteous.

And God has been doing a work in my heart today, telling me yet again how much He just desires us. He doesn’t desire the ideal of us, the ‘us’ that we’re supposed to be – flawless and righteous all the time. He desires us as we are; no matter how tainted, soiled, dirty we are, we are beautiful in the eyes of God. He knows our hearts and our struggles and our shortcomings even better than we do; He desires us anyway.

The Bible is very clear about being called to be holy and to live a righteous life and to not sin. And those directives are not to be discounted. We are indeed given the tools to be perfect, and we’re told to be. And we try to be. And that is great. That’s how it should be, in fact.

But for those times when that’s not how it is, when we are very much less than perfect and righteous and when we have in fact sinned, do we then hide our faces, knowing that we were told to behave a certain way and failed to do so? No we don’t. Because the punishment will never outweigh the love. And I’m pretty sure that our idea of ‘punishment’ is a worldly definition anyway, not necessarily a spiritual one. God isn’t about judgement and punishment. He is about growing us, and He’s patient with us until we get there. 2 Peter 3:9 even tells us, “The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentence.”  Because when you think about it, it’s not about following the rules. It’s about desiring Him so deeply and being so attuned and led by the Holy Spirit within that our desires are the same as His. It’s about getting our hearts to the place where we love what He loves and detest what He detests and desire what He desires. Getting to the place where things we’d call ‘sin’ aren’t even appealing to us anymore. It takes a lot of growing and a lot of shedding of oneself to get there.

So my prayer partner and I today laid our fear and burdens down, and sought Him together. We knew we might be in a little bit of trouble for losing perspective, but we needed Him. Hiding isn’t particularly helpful, by the way; if we muck up enough to lose focus in the first place, and that is with God’s guidance, we are most certainly going to muck up everything we try to do without Him. And so it was. And truth be told, we missed Him. So we chatted for a bit, bolstered each other, broke down a wall or two of self-denial and self-justification, and then we prayed. We sought God. We waited on Him. We worshiped Him. We loved Him, and we let Him love us again. 

And what I found was not judgement or wrath, but rather a “I’ve missed you and I’ve had so much to tell you and I’m so glad you’re here”. As we were praying, both of us well aware of certain mistakes we’ve been making in our lives and simultaneously praying for others who we think needed it, something cool happened. I was praying over one of her friends, and instead of hearing her own friend’s name, she heard my friend Scott’s name. Scott has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and recently came home after a scary period of time in the hospital.  Anyway, she corrected me. And I said, “what? I didn’t say Scott.” “You definitely did because I definitely heard his name.” “Nope definitely not, Scott’s doing fine and I haven’t really been thinking of him during this prayer time.” SO, rather than figure out whether I misspoke or she misheard, we decided that Scott had been thoroughly inserted into our conversation and so it was best to pray for him too. So we did. And it got a little bit intercessory. It was a little odd, but this certainly isn’t the first time this has happened to us, so we went with it and prayed for Scott. Hard. Then, about an hour later, my roommate (Scott’s best friend of 30 years) came home from work and said, “I have an update on Scott. He’s not doing well.”

So, we were called to pray without even knowing why. And this, my friends, is the God we serve. Not a God who seeks to punish for punishment’s sake, but a God who seeks to spiritually grow us. Sometimes that involves consequences; sometimes it involves mercy. Either way, we are never tarnished enough to dull His desire for us. His love is pure and His plan perfect. This time around, God sent us a very clear message: We don’t always have to be cleansed to come before Him; we don’t have to be perfect vessels to show up in His presence and be used. We just have to show up.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Nothing Less

Dec12

BePerfect

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” ~Romans 12:2

“What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” ~ Romans 6:1-2

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:20-21

redeemed_righteous_in_christ

We are only human. I hear that all the time. We try, we fail, we get up and fall again. We sin. We are only human. But lately I’ve been really feeling like this isn’t a valid excuse. Like we’re selling ourselves short somehow by chalking our mistakes up to our humanity. Like we’re selling God short somehow.

When it comes down to it, we were delivered from sin. We were delivered and are now asked to be perfect (Matthew 5:48). I’ve never thought much about this verse before. I always just figured ‘we are inherently imperfect’ and left it at that. But God brought it to my attention yesterday. Would He have asked it of us if it was completely unachievable? I get it; we’re sinners. But we were also delivered. With the death of Jesus came the deliverance of us. Not only that, but when Jesus ascended to heaven, in his stead came the Holy Spirit. Jesus called it the Counselor and the Advocate, to reside inside of us and guide our choices. Here’s where we get a little theological. Depending on your denomination, you might view the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and God as more separate entities comprising the Holy Trinity, or you may literally see them as interchangeable. Either way, everyone agrees to a point that all three parts of the trinity are God in various forms.

I personally view them as pretty much the same, but for purposes of this post, the difference is this: Jesus walked among us, and sacrificed for us. The Holy Spirit resides inside of us. Yet both are God. Which means that God is inside of us. All of the love and compassion and righteousness that was Jesus Christ on this earth, is now alive and well and here. It’s within us. We were given this precious gift, a gift we could  never possibly hope to earn. Why? So that we can sit here and say “well, I’m only human…..”. Somehow, I don’t think that was quite the idea. I think we were meant to embrace this gift, to overcome our humanity (so to speak) and be a true vessel of this perfect righteousness we were given. It’s the classic ‘less of me, more of You’ desire. We humans are imperfect, inherently sinners. The Holy Spirit is perfect and righteous. One is inside the other, and we have do control over which one prevails.

I have a friend who has recently returned back from a missions trip to Africa. Her life was changed forever as she saw how open people were there to spiritual experiences and how freely God was allowed to move. Her facebook status the other day was “Jesus, how you’ve wounded me for anything less than You”. It exactly summed up my feelings lately.

I want a heart that truly knows the bright light and beauty of Jesus. I know that He outshines anything I see here on earth. I want a heart that is so attuned to Him, that knows my savior so well, that even the most beautiful and tantalizing temptations of this earth appear to be nothing more than trash on the side of the street when compared to His glory. I want a heart that desires, truly desires, the things that God desires – not the things that the world offers. I want a heart that is so passionate for Christ, that is so led by the Holy Spirit within me, that I don’t give those earthly temptations a second glance, because they just don’t look appealing. I want a heart that will settle for nothing less than Jesus.

But I’m only human….imperfect…so can I get my heart to be in that place? The more I looked into it, the more I realized that yes I can. We all can. We don’t have to settle for the human condition. God gave us salvation for eternity, but he also gave us a way to overcome the flesh now. We can do it. Maybe it’s moment to moment. Maybe we won’t be always perfect from here on out for the rest of our lives – but in theory, we could be. In the sacrifice of Christ, in the presence of the Holy Spirit within us, God gave us the tools we need to live by His righteousness. All of it.

In fact, it’s asked of us. God specifically tells us to be perfect. To not continue sinning. To live righteously. I’ve even heard it preached that because God poured out His righteousness into us, and then gave us free will, that God is only as righteous as the human vessel. I think that statement is something of a misrepresentation, but I agree with the sentiment. We were made into vessels. We were given this gift. It’s up to us to allow God to move, both within us and around us.

And if we do it right, it shouldn’t be “I’m only human”. It shouldn’t be “this is so hard to ignore” or “I want ____ but I know I really shouldn’t.” Instead, it should be “I have Jesus; why would I want ____?” It should be a heart that literally settles for nothing less than the fullness of Christ Himself.

Jesus, help me to stop masking You with my humanity. Help me to stop getting in the way of the Holy Spirit and blaming it on the fact that I’m inherently a sinner. Give me a heart that is fully focused and centered on You and You alone, and is so in love with You that nothing on this earth even comes close to fulfilling my heart’s desire. Show me how to get to the place where you are my true desire. Show me how to shed myself on an even deeper level, so that all is left in me is You. Show me how to abide in You and walk with You in a way that makes me not even visible to the world anymore, but instead lets your light shine out of me. Help me to seek nothing less than You. I love you with everything I have and all that I am.

I know this might be a kind of controversial post. I haven’t completely worked through it all yet I don’t think. It’s just what I’ve been feeling lately, and what I feel like God is telling me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it too, either in a comment or privately at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

A Few Fateful Moments

Dec7

Doomed

Lately, most of the things that bring me to tears are happy things – call me sappy, but I tear up with tears of joy and awe when I hear of some of the ways God moves. Several days ago, that trend shifted.

Several days ago, a homeless man named Naeem Davis was standing on a subway platform, harassing passersby. Another man, named Ki Suk Han, attempted to calm him down. For his trouble, Davis pushed him onto the tracks of the subway. With lights of an oncoming train beginning to appear in the distance, he struggled frantically back to the platform. However, dazed and injured, he was unable to pull himself out. The train struck him, and in one split second a life – the life of a man who had called two different countries home (first Korea, then for the past 20+ years, the US) and the life of a father – was effectively over. In that last moment, all he could do was watch the inevitable. You are looking at it too. In this picture, a woman is about to lose her husband and a 20-yr-old girl named Ashley is about to lose her father.

There was no help for this man. There were onlookers. And there is a photograph. But no help. I don’t blame the photographer for taking a picture – I am actually happy that he did, because his hope was that his camera flash would signal the conductor to stop the train early. His assumption was that while he was trying to signal the train, the other observers – those closer to Han – would be helping him up. Yet, in this photo, you can see that everyone has backed away. There were onlookers and there is a photograph. But there was no help for this man.

While I don’t blame the photographer, I do have a problem with the fact that there was time to get 3-4 pictures taken before the train was struck, with a professional camera (so there’s a delay between shots), and that during that time, with all the onlookers, not one stepped forward. There were certainly enough people to at least try. But nobody did. Had he been less rattled from the fall, would he have been able to jump a little higher, pull a little stronger, and survive? Had one person grabbed his hand – just one person reached out to him – would it have been the boost he needed to reach safety?

These are questions we’ll never know answers to. In the moments following, a 2nd-year med school resident tried to resuscitate Han to no avail. People, suddenly materializing again after their noted absence when it counted, took pictures and videos with their cell phones. Han remained unresponsive. God wept. The devil danced.

Later, though, God prevailed again. 20-yr-old Ashley, in shock mourning her father, showed an immeasurable amount of grace towards everybody on that platform. She forgave them. Her father was essentially killed by lack of response from others, and she forgave them. That is saying something – when my roommate and I were out and about a few months ago, we were pickpocketed. The two of us – a man in a wheelchair and a woman – were in a diner full of other grown men and not a single one stopped to help us. It was almost a violated feeling, to be honest – everyone looking and nobody helping. I remember how shocked I was and momentarily angry that nobody came to our aide, and that was a simple matter of bus fare. To lose the life of a family member and be forgiving? I don’t know where this girl is at spiritually, but God was definitely in her that day because that level of grace blows mine right out of the water.

I pray over this situation. I pray for Han’s family as they face the inevitable grief and anger that will come as the shock wears off. I pray for surely-traumatized onlookers. I pray for the doctor – and the photographer – who tried to help in what limited capacities they could. I pray for Davis, now in jail, as he lives with a murder on his hands. There doesn’t seem a way that God can move in this situation. But our God is the God of salvation – of impossible, miraculous things. If God is anything, He is love. And He is able. And today I put my trust in that and pray that He moves in each and every person involved in this incident. Even though there was no miracle witnessed, I pray that they would realize who God is. I pray they would come to embrace their own salvation and realize that God is stronger than even this. I praise Him that He is.

God bless and please join me in prayer over everyone involved in this tragedy.

~Rebekah A

He Qualifies the Called

Dec5

“For the spirit of God does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.” ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

“But He said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

HeQualifiesTheCalled

I have been feeling a sense of urgency lately to move for God, and to step into the purpose He has for me. I don’t have a super clear picture of what that purpose is, but I know I’m supposed to move towards it. The more I talk to people, the more I see that this sense of urgency is prevalent across the board. We’re in a time to solidify our steps, and match our walk a little closer with our Father’s.

Equally prevalent, though, is an accompanying sense of fear to go along with the push to move. We feel the urge to step out; then just as quickly, we talk ourselves out of it. We convince ourselves that we aren’t ready, that we don’t have the right skills for this, that we haven’t done all the prerequisites. So we wait to move, ‘until the time is right’ or ‘until we’re ready’.

I can’t and won’t presume to know when the time is right for anything. That’s in God’s hands. But I know what happened when Moses didn’t feel that he was capable of leading the people of Israel out of Egypt, and what happened was that God made him capable. Moses wasn’t a great speaker, but was called to speak. Because God called him to speak, God gave him the words to say and God gave him the fluency to deliver his speeches without a single stutter. God qualified him to meet his calling.

God qualifies all of us. Our own limitations don’t matter, because we don’t act on our own merit. It’s not by our skills, our talents, our achievements, and our strengths that we make things happen. It’s by God’s grace. And it’s in our weakness that we learn to be fully dependent on that grace and to accept it. So embrace your weakness, and step out anyway – God will provide everything you need. God qualifies us sufficiently to do the task He calls us to do. That sense of fear is merely a trick of the enemy, trying to thwart God’s plan. And we mustn’t give in to it. Because when it comes down to it, really all we have to do is show up. Go where God says to. Follow the path, and let God take care of what happens. It’s His calling for us, so it’s on Him to equip us. And He will. All we have to do is show up to let Him.

If any of you are struggling with stepping out in faith or in walking the next steps of your path, let me know at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com and I will pray for you.

God bless!

~Rebekah A