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The Talk

Today the new guy asked:

So how do you see our relationship?

Given that he’s not in church, I have been struggling with the thought that he might ask me to be his girlfriend soon. Things are nice between us- he texts me daily and it’s never too much or too little.  I don’t feel pressured by him but I also don’t feel like he’s trying to hide me or deny me. I’ve met his family a few times already and his mom even friended me on facebook. He’s so incredibly supportive about boards, interviews, life.  It’s only been about two months but I know that should I cut him off, I would feel the gap in my life. He has found a way to slowly work himself a little niche into my life quietly and without force.

I answered him honestly:

 I definitely think you’re an awesome guy that any girl would be lucky to say she’s dating but I don’t know what you want so… at least in my head i definitely see you as more than just a friend although I also think we have a friendship base which is always important…

It continues to throw me off.  I have only dated two guys before and both were in church and both were disasters.  The first one broke my heart with incalculable coolness and full disregard for my feelings. The second broke my pride and the buddings of feelings with his childish disregard for me and what I tried to put into the relationship- only seeing what he put in. And so it throws me off that this guy has, so far, treated me much better than both guys before him.

This guy, when he kissed me more passionately than I wanted, quickly backed off the moment he sense my hesitation and apologized over and over again and quickly had us switch to something more platonic. Of the three times we’ve hung out so far, limited by my monthly switch in locations, he has shown such consideration for both my feelings as well as my well being.

i guess im saying i dont know if im ready to be your boyfriend yet but i may just need alil time or somethingto idk. I want to get to know you.

In all this, I continue to be unsure… what if he never comes to God? Am I wasting his time? Someone who has treated me a billion times better than guys in the church? He seems so genuine and caring- passing out candy canes to the sick around Christmas- not even for an organization. Even just making sure that “we” were on the same page before he saw me again says SO much about his caring heart… and yet he doesn’t know God? How does this compute? How can one guy have so many Godly attributes and yet not claim Christ? And why is it that I don’t just run as far and as fast away from him before I end up giving such a great guy my heart? I know he doesn’t have it yet, but I also know that I am very drawn to him. He doesn’t push me to do things I don’t want to and when we’re hiking on trails, he makes me feel safe and like I can try anything without fear.

I want him to know God. I want him to experience the One who can make him feel the same way he’s been making me feel when I’m with him.  I want him to know the safety and security of Jesus who died for us and carries us through life. I want Him to experience the views  we see together the way I see it- through the lens of God’s creation.  What majesty this world holds. What evidence of His immense goodness and grace! Beautiful landscapes sing of His awesome power and glorious ways. How amazing is this God of ours! Being someone who loves the beauty of nature as much as he does, I just wish he would also acknowledge the One who created what he loves so much.

And so the talk concluded with us agreeing that we’re at the “seeing someone” stage- not ready to make a more concrete commitment but not denying that the other is more than just a friend either.  But where is Jesus in all this? How do I bring Christ in the middle of this relationship? Perhaps when he’s here next week we’ll find out since I’m not going to skip church for him and he’ll probably want to maximize his time with me.  Feel free to pray for me readers- I’m going to need it.

In Him,
Rebekah M.