His Creation All Around Me

“The heavens are Yours, and Yours also the earth; You founded the world and all that is in it.” ~Psalm 89:11

Walking to the grocery store today, I was struck repeatedly by how beautiful everything was around me. Granted, I live in an urban area, so natural beauty is more scarce here than other places. But still, people plant flowers and there’s the occasional tree on a side street.

Today for some reason, the colors just seemed extra bright, the designs extra beautiful, the outside air extra refreshing. Even the bugs seemed beautiful in there own way – and I hate bugs. Why? Because today for some reason, I just had an overwhelming sense of God’s presence. He is in this world. He is here. Not a single shape or color in a flower, not a single branch or leaf of a tree, not a single blade of grass or feather in a bird, has escaped His notice. He brought it all into being. Our Father is so creative!!

With this in mind, I had to rejoice. For if He pays such attention to the details of nature and still objects, how much more attention is paid to we who must actively follow a path? Not a single step we take, trait we possess, laugh we laugh, or tear we cry escapes His notice. He is in this world. He is here. He’s with us and in us, and we are never alone. How amazing is that?

On the way home, I was passed by a man in a hurry. I felt a big urge to pray for him. Distance was quickly building between him and me. He didn’t seem friendly. His headphones were on. And suddenly he ducked into the post office and appeared to be busy. There were a million little reasons such as these to not stop him and pray for him. So, I didn’t. I prayed for him on my own, but I did not stop and lay hands on him the way I felt like I needed to.

The sense of failure was profound. But beyond that was a sweet reminder. It doesn’t matter how much we mess up, or how many times. It doesn’t matter how broken people are, or what horrific acts occur. He is in this world. He is here. There is hope.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Letter to a Stranger

Sep1

This is from an email I was going to write someone …

I’m not even sure why I’m sharing this with you- a virtual stranger, but I’ve found when I allow myself to be transparent, people are encouraged, challenged, or touched by Jesus. This whole “seeking Jesus thing” is really not going as I have planned.

I know what I need to do and yet I just am fighting it- I’m fighting Him. I just… don’t want to push so hard anymore. Dig so much. He provided all that I needed/wanted during my desert time and yet a huge part of me is soo hesitant to go back into that…. both guys I dated I felt so strongly that God was in it… at first… I prayed so much against meeting my most recent ex if Jesus didn’t have anything for us to learn/grow from it. Clearly He must have, but part of me is angry, frustrated that once again, He allowed some guy to come into my life and rip into me. Just like how He allowed the first to rip me to shreds.

How is it that I can charge Him with the sins of others and yet not see that although He willingly takes the blame, He did not actually inflict the pain? Why is it that I feel like I need to forgive Him for not watching out for me when He is the one who has forgiven me of so much? Why do I always feel like I give so much of who I am so freely to others and all they do is see it, rip it to shreds, and throw it in the trash? Where is my Isaac that I thought would be here and why can’t I learn to fully be content in my moments? Why can’t I just truly wait in peace in Him and the promises He has for me? My heart wants to cry “Where are You Jesus?” and yet I know where He is… He’s waiting… but just like how I’m afraid of trusting any guys again, I’m afraid of trusting Him since part of me blames Him for even allowing them in my life in the first place. Why must growing and learning hurt SO MUCH? I miss the safety of not knowing. I miss the bliss of being naive to the world.

I realized while talking to a close friend of mine that I had become the Ex#2 in my relationship with Jesus- texting no more than once or twice a day and talking once or twice a week on the phone. Jesus doesn’t want that. Jesus doesn’t want me to be Ex #2 in my relationship with Him. He wants to hear from me every day as much as I wanted to hear from Ex #2. It doesn’t detract from His worth when I don’t talk to Him, it just means that He just wants to get to know me better and let me know Him better.

Yet part of me fights…. I realize I haven’t allowed myself to fully grieve over the fact that once again I was dumped. I hurt from the shame of being dumped again. I hurt from feeling like I was ready to put my heart out there and was once again pushed away. I hurt and part of me wants to blame God since I can’t take my anger out on my ex.

Lord,

Just take it. Bind me up again. Release me from this pain. Purge me of the darkness and dirt. Help me find what You wanted me to take away from the relationship. I’m going to stop fighting You. I see now- it wasn’t Your fault and it’s not fair to be angry at You when I really want to be angry with myself and my ex. If You want me to be single forever, so be it. If You want me to marry, whomever it may be, so be it. I give it all to You now. Whomever or even no body, You make that choice for me. You lead and guide my steps. You show me what I must do. Be my everything again. Help me not be distracted by guys but let the right guy become an encouragement to me.. if there is to be a guy. Let him edify my walk with You as I edify his. Let our future children (if I have any) glorify Your name from the moment they can speak. Nothing would be better than if their first word was “Jesus.” Lord, I so badly want all that I am and do to be consumed by You and the things of You. I’m sorry I was angry at You. I’m sorry I blamed You when all You wanted was for me to find comfort in You. I love You Jesus with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

Declaration

Aug15

I know Rebekah L just posted earlier today but I just have to post this now. I realized just why this break up, early as it is in the relationship as it was, hurt so much. I was just about ready to give him my heart. I was just about ready to jump in no bars held. The deepest cry in my heart has been to have that guy who I could honestly say to him:

Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you: for where you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge: your people shall be my people, and your God my God: ~Ruth 1:16

Yet God is helping me see that what I need is a man who will say this with me to each other but with a twist:

Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you: for where you go, I will go- for it is after Christ; and where you lodge, I will lodge- for it will be with Christ: your people shall be my people, and your God shall be our God.

I don’t know who he is or where he is, but I know now more than ever that this cry of Christ to just passionately pursue after Him is a cry to just throw it all aside. Just toss EVERYTHING to the wayside and believe with all faith and in every fiber of my being that there is someone who will pursue after Him as desperately as I am. Someone who will not think “where do I want to go?” but thinks “where does God want for me?” For that is the deepest cry of my heart. Until I find a man who just so instinctively trusts God with every step of his life as I do, I need God to help guard my heart. He allowed this break up because He knew that had I met ex #2’s parents before the break up, my heart would have been his.

For now, my heart still is remorseful over the fact that he just couldn’t try. Just try and see if we could be the most amazing thing to happen to both our lives but I know now more than ever that it was right- at least for now… perhaps forever. Perhaps Jesus really does have a “third time’s the charm” for me. All I do know is that:

Jesus,

This is my declaration- I will pursue after You with all my heart. I will run after You and should there never be a man who runs beside me after You then You will be enough. You will hold my heart. You’ve held it before and You will continue to do so. I so wanted to give ex #2 my heart but he wasn’t ready for it. Maybe he never will be because maybe he’ll never be able to trust YOU with his heart like I do. So be it- You will watch over me and provide everything I need- even companionship- even if it’s only in the form of many friendships- I trust You. I trust You. I trust You Jesus. This is my declaration- I love and will pursue after You Jesus with all that I have.

Rebekah M.

Song of the Day- Have Your Way by Britt Nicole

Aug13

This weekend has been a roller coaster. It started with my boyfriend and I breaking up and ended today with taking my 2nd step of medical boards. Through what should have been a very tough weekend (and in a way it was), Jesus was right by my side. It was like Jesus allowed the fire to come back into my life just to wake me back up.

This morning, instead of cramming a little more, I got up, danced in the darkness of my room, and worshiped the One who would be by my side this day and would give me the victory not based on anything I had done, but on who HE is. I danced before the King of all kings and thanked Him for who He is, knowing that He had the power to craft the test to exactly what I had studied.

As I look back on the last few days it’s amazing. Ex #2 and I talked MANY things out and although I’m sure there are more things that will come up- I think there’s hope of a REAL relationship developing one day. He was afraid of telling me what he really thought of me because he was afraid I’d be offended. As the misunderstandings started pouring out, and we talked things through, we started seeing each other in a new light.

The most amazing thing of this all is the fact that there are SO many coincidences of circumstances between ex #1 and ex #2 that I just can’t help but feel it is Jesus who is setting it up for me to see the stark contrast. Do I know that he won’t be like ex #1 and disappear on me just when he was acting like things would be getting better? No. But so far, EVERY time, he has acted the exact opposite of ex #1. He even kept his promise of texting me good luck this morning 🙂

Will we ever reconcile? I have no clue. I know his mom would love it though haa haa She adored me (I’m guessing as much as I adored her). She reminded me very, very much of my own mother in certain ways- mainly how the love of God just poured out of her so freely. Being as homesick as I am now (it’s been too many months since I’ve been home), it was wonderful being in a home where you could feel the prayers hovering over as a shield of peace for all who walked in.

To the song today- God has been calling me to just seek after Him with EVERYTHING that I have and let everything else fall away in the might of His glory. Problems cannot stand in it. Misunderstandings and misconceptions cannot stand in it. Darkness and sin cannot stand in it. To seek after Him with all that I have means giving Him much more than I have been- but also gaining all that much more in the end- whether in this life or the next.

The last time I was dumped, I played this song as I sobbed- knowing the world I thought I was going into had just disappeared like a vapor in the wind and tried with all my might to do this. To give God the reigns to have His way regardless of what that meant. This time around, I truly feel it!!!! Have YOUR way Lord! Should this guy truly leave me- so be it! You are still marvelous! Should this guy realize what he threw away- so be it! Have Your way!!! Jesus, should I have failed my boards today- so be it! Have YOUR way! Should I have aced it beyond all comprehension- Have YOUR way! There is NOTHING in this world that is bad when Jesus is having His way in our life! As I told a younger kid this weekend- if something is stopping or blocking it, don’t fight it- let God do that- perhaps it is God’s way of steering you towards the path you SHOULD be going!!!

Oh Jesus, have Your way in my life. I WILL seek after You. The rules and regulations so many Christians try to put on their lives fall away when we’re passionately pursuing after You. I love You Jesus. I love You Jesus. I love You Jesus with all that I have within me.

Rebekah M.

P.S. Rebekah A would like to request prayer. Check back here around noon tomorrow to read her post for the details and thank you all in advance for the prayers for her!!! God bless!

Answers with Questions

Aug11

So…. my boyfriend and I now broke up… So I guess he’s ex #2? I just got off the phone with my mom and I’m SO thankful that she is in my life. We prayed over the phone together and I couldn’t ask for a better mom. He said that he asked me out too early and that we should just go back to being friends and even tough I’m not sure I said it out loud… I agree. We did date WAY too early. I don’t know why I had that much caution with another friend whom I had known for years and would never put me on the back burner like this guy did and yet with ex #2 I threw caution to the wind.

I do wonder though, because I’ve repeatedly been reading on how all these kings of Israel would follow a bad king, turn back to God and God would be please and yet over and over again it mentions “but the high places were not torn down.” Is that my problem? I didn’t tear the high places down last time from ex #1 which is why I fell into kissing etc. with ex #2? Yet once again I still was able to stay safe from sleeping with him but I still passed the lines I had put up.

We’re going to remain friends he says. Ironically- after we’ve broken up- I’m meeting his parents tomorrow morning. It feels rude to just up and disappear after the plans have already been made and honestly- I still feel like God having said “you need to see things through” might be saying more? I’m so tired and confused I don’t know.

Pray for me dear readers- yet once again I dated a guy who broke up with me right before a big test- this time is my second boards for my medical license… I feel a fool for having allowed yet another guy into my life who would do this but I have to admit that I did push him a bit to this in a way because I asked him if he was in or out. He was clearly pulling out and I wasn’t going to have another “dumped via facebook” in my life again. No woman deserves to be dumped via facebook.

Jesus,

As my mom said on the phone- I turn my eyes back to You once again. I struggled with it while I was dating ex #2 so I guess since the distraction is now gone, life can be good? Lord, please… I cannot take this too many more times. Just help me trust You with my life and learn to walk in Your ways. No one can harm me when You are the one steering. I love You Jesus with all my heart. Thank You that it’s not shattered like the first guy did. Thank You that You are wonderful and marvelous. Thank You that there is none like You. I worship You Jesus for You are good in all times and Your mercy endures forever. I thank You Jesus for being my all in all. I love You Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Rebekah M.

Song Of the Day: Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin

Aug3

I think many of us have a hard time seeing our worth. I know the other two Rebekah’s have admitted to this in the past and I know for myself it can be especially true at certain moments. I’ve seen how self-doubt and insecurity has chained me in the past from moving forward towards the wonders that God has in store for me and yet, when I just give it all to Him, He still makes things work out.

Those things from my past are gone.

Those things in YOUR past, dear reader, are gone when You just give it over to Christ.

I don’t know who this post is for, but I so strongly believe that God wants someone out there to see what He’s been saying to me all week: we can be made new in Him!!

Let the things of your past fall away as you learn to give God the things of your past and let them fall away. Our hopes and dreams are secure in Him if we would just trust Him to help us meet it fearlessly. We should never go through life thinking we are invincible on our own, but we should have a Godly confidence that regardless of our faults, God is enough to make up the difference. Regardless as what we see as things that mar our beauty, we are perfect in His sight when we come before Him in the beauty of sincerity and holiness.

Someone out there suffering from past hurts- let them go!!! Let God take them!!! He is able! My life is a living testimony of having had someone rip my heart to shreds and finding in Jesus- not another man, nor a career, nor anything else this world tries to offer- everything I needed!! I’m sure there are those who have suffered so much more than I have and yet everything in me screams that HE IS ABLE. There is NOTHING that He cannot handle- even your deepest pains and scars. Look to Him and find the healing you’ve been seeking today.

I normally don’t do this but if you would, say this prayer with me as you read this:

Jesus,

I come before You in brokenness and in my shame. I am nothing without You. Heal me from the things of my past. Take away the feelings of worthlessness and pain. Forgive me for my past sins. Make me a mosaic- a masterpiece created from the broken. Fused so completely that people no longer see the process of breaking it took to create it- only the beauty of the finished product. Lord, heal me so much that I am able to become a light to those who follow after and are looking for what You have to offer. Jesus, I give it all to You now and I thank You for Your goodness and mercy. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (Ps. 23:6). I worship You Jesus. I thank You Lord for Your healing power. I love You Jesus with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

The God of Second Chances

Aug1

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. ~ II Corinthians 5:17

Interestingly enough, I went to a big church out here in my new city and that was the last line said in the sermon today for their midweek service. It also happens to be the title of the sermon my ex and I worked on together almost a year ago.

I had been visiting friends in OH in mid-August last year and the preacher was listing “He’s the God of this, He’s the God of that” and when he got to “He’s the God of second chances” I felt God say in my heart “that’s for [my ex].” As I drove back from OH, I spoke with my ex on the phone and when I told him that he was like “wow, that’s what God’s been telling me to work on for my sermon I’m preparing for Africa next week.” It was a moment that brought us closer.

That same sermon became something that was telling of who my ex was. During his mission trip in Africa, he was told he’d have two chances to speak. The first time up, he felt in his heart that it would be the only chance he would get and that he should do the “God of second chances” sermon, but sought his pastor’s word to confirm. His pastor told him that he’d get another chance and to just do the one he had lined up. Low and behold he never got that chance and after hearing the sermon that followed him, he realized his sermon would have been the perfect lead in.

Although I am not saying that we should ignore our pastors, I am also saying that they are not God. We need to be incredibly careful going against our pastor’s word, but we should also never come to the point where we follow what they say above what God is saying. Anything a pastor tells us to do should never contradict the Word of God and if you feel a strong urge in the Holy Ghost to do something, be prayerfully careful in what you choose to do.

Regardless though, I am so very, very glad that He is my God of second chances and that He’s given me this new guy who might be my second chance at happiness. Do I know for sure if I want to marry this guy? I have no clue. I can’t read him well enough yet to be able to discern what is real and what is something that I just perceive to be real about him. I want him to be my Boaz. I want him to be the one God sent into my life to redeem what was lost. I want him to be my Isaac that adores me, that I’d be safe in leaving all that I know for because God would be telling me he’s right for me. All I do know is that so far, God keeps saying stay and so I stay. Are things perfect? No. But then again, I’m still trying to break out of the expectations of my old relationship- both the good and the bad. I’m used to being yelled at for insane things like not talking loud enough on the phone or wanting to eat McDonald chicken nuggets. I’m also used to talking on the phone at least 1-2hrs a day and texting throughout the day. Although the communication thing is the only thing I can think of that isn’t to the level I would like in this relationship, it is definitely improving as time goes on and I have a feeling part of it is because my boyfriend was burnt by his last relationship. I wonder if I can help him see that our God is a God of second chances?

Jesus,

Thank You for all that You’ve done in my life. Help us to see that through You, we can have new lives. We can have a second chance at living. Help us to always remember the awesome power You have to clean us and make us new creatures- one with new habits and new desires. I thank You Jesus.

I love You Jesus with all my heart,

Rebekah M.

Restoration

Jul15

For the last week and half I have been in Texas for a company training. Most of my co-workers on this trip have been complaining about being sent to Texas in the middle of the summer. Indeed it has been over 100 degrees the whole time I have been here and the humidity is no joke. I, however, have enjoyed every minute of it. I’m one of those rare folks that loves hot, sticky, humid summer days. There is just something about the heat that I LOVE.

I came here on a low. I’ve been struggling with some things recently. Struggling with who I am in Christ, what I’m doing at my job, how to get the creeper guy at work to leave me alone, how to let go of the thing I should have let go of over a year ago, family things coming up, an insane desire to just run away from it all and on and on and on. I was losing my focus on Christ.

Then I got off the plane and landed in this heat and knew right away that God had purposed this trip so that I could get restoration in Him. Suddenly I knew, company trip or not, this wouldn’t be about work, this would be about Him. As I could feel myself starting to sweat in the intense Texas summer sun, it was like it was sweating all the impurities out and the heat was relaxing all my muscles and bringing me back to a place of peace. Immediately, I was in a place of praise. I was praising Him for His goodness, for His unending mercy, for always knowing exactly what I need.

Since I arrived I have spent my days in training and my nights in the Word. I’m saturating myself in it and allowing it to move me to a new place in Him. There are riches in His Word that I’ve only just begun to glean. It is an amazing gift that He has left us, it is a shame I don’t spend more time exploring it.

This past Sunday, I went to a tiny little church down the street from the hotel I’m staying in. There is a great big church not too far away that was recommended to me by my pastor, but this one was within walking distance and the big church would have cost me a taxi ride. At the little church I met the most beautiful man. His name is Justin. He isn’t physically beautiful by the world’s standards by any means; he is rather overweight and has a very distinct scar that runs all the way down the right side of his face, but none the less there is something extremely attractive about him. It is the Christ in him. He does not have an ounce of bitterness for what happened to him. Jesus shines through this man so thoroughly as to make you hunger for more of Him just by simple conversation with him.

This man has a ministry about allowing Christ to heal you. How sometimes healing leaves scars, but the scars can be an open door to lead someone to Jesus. Wow, could I relate to that! Like many, I have scars. A couple that are physical and hidden from view, and a few that are emotional, also mostly hidden from view, but they are there. Thank God, He has provided me a transformational healing in a way that only He can. Talking to this man and seeing how He has relied on Christ so completely was humbling. I rely on Christ intermittently. I stay focused for a short while and then fall off the wagon. Then He helps me climb back on and I stay focused for awhile longer before the next fall. Every time I fall, it’s because I have let go of His hand. Imagine the doors my scars could open if I was so consumed in Jesus that people saw only Him in me.

Having gone out to lunch with Justin a couple of times this week and suddenly I feel letting go of the other guy doesn’t need to be nearly so hard. I’m not saying I want to run out and marry Justin, I’m just saying that he awakened a hope in me. The hope that maybe there really is a reason God said no to the other guy and I, and that it wasn’t just to make me miserable. One of the reasons I have had such a hard time letting go of him is that I have secretly (and not so secretly) believed the report of a former person of authority in my life who told me that no one will ever love me. I thought he was the only one who could ever be attracted to me. No one will ever want this fat, ugly, old, depressing girl, I thought.

And then I meet this guy. There is nothing physically attractive about him, and yet, I am incredibly attracted to him. And it dawns on me, I don’t have to be attractive. If I am consumed in God, someone will see that, and that will draw them to me. No, they aren’t going to be drawn to this insecure, depressing girl. That girl has to go. The girl they will be attracted to will be the one who has her eye on the prize. The one who is pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:4). I want to love Jesus better. I want to become more like Him. I want to win people to Christ by being open about my scars. His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Thank you, Lord for this trip. Thank you for restoration.

~Rebecca L.

Day Of Freedom

Jul4

I spent this 4th of July on pier in Manhattan, with a great view of some great, nationally renouned fireworks. We arrived with hours to spare, and while we were waiting a sky banner flew by proclaiming “atheism is patriotic.”

I was dismayed to see it for numerous reasons, but what struck me most was the absurdity of this. Our country was founded by people seeking religious freedom – not because they rejected God, but because they worshipped Him and followed Him so strictly. The Revolutionary and Civil Wars were both fought based on faith that God would stand by the side of those who were being oppressed. Without faith in God, courage to take a stand and fight those wars would never have existed. Even our currency says ‘In God we trust.’ Faith is so tied in to our country’s history that even with the separation of church and state, atheism has almost no place in patriotism.

That aside, the banner stuck with me. It got me thinking what a shame it was to have that flown over a large family-friendly crowd. Then I realized that because we have full freedom of expression here in the United States, the atheists had every right to fly that banner. In fact, we have the right to a lot of things. We can practice our faith and spirituality without fear of persecution. We can speak and write anything that comes to mind without fear of punishment. Even with the economic recession, even with unemployment, we are a fortunate country. For each of these freedoms you should thank – profusely and sincerely – the many troops who served over the years, sacrificing everything to gain them for us.

Side note: I did say to thank the soldiers. Now think about what these freedoms actually are. They are freedoms of this world. They last you as long as your lifetime lasts. Soldiers, while great, are merely human. Humans here on earth, with no true authority. We sure do enjoy our freedom here, but it is very much a short term thing. True freedom is eternal and automatic with salvation. Only One can give it to us, and He isn’t a soldier. Jesus, too, paid the ultimate sacrifice that we would be free. While we’re busy thanking soldiers and celebrating Independence Day, have we thanked Him today? Compared to His gift to us (salvation), all other freedoms pale in comparison. As they should! We humans can’t even fathom what heaven is like and what treasures we have stored there.

We do know that eternal freedom is among those treasures, and that by His precious blood our chains have been broken. So take a minute today to give thanks and worship this great God we serve!

God bless!

~Rebekah A