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Tuning In

Nov10

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; ~ Ephesians 6:18

While I was listening to my favorite sermon series on Esther, I felt God suddenly urge me that I had to pray for someone. I got the sense that it was a pastor’s wife and so I texted one that I had felt God had called me to be her armor bearer a few months ago and after I texted her I felt an urge to also text another pastor’s wife that I had been thinking about randomly for the last few days before that. For both, I asked if they needed prayer since I felt God ask me to pray for someone. Shortly thereafter the second pastor’s wife responded with the fact that she did in fact need prayer. I started praying for her right then and there. As my prayer drew to a close, I asked God if the other one was a fluke but then said “I wouldn’t put it above You Lord to have called me to pray for both.” Lo and behold, later that night the other pastor’s wife responded saying that she too needed prayer.

The next day, my prayer partner and I went to battle for them both. It was amazing and insane. It felt like when God called me to randomly intercede for Ex #1 during our “break”, not knowing why, and later finding out it was exactly at that time that he was having the first conversation with his father in over a year.  We both felt confirmation over things as we prayed and I cannot thank God enough for my prayer partner.  She is so spiritually sensitive even if she doesn’t always realize it.  I know we did battle and I know things were broken. It has been SO long since I felt such a connection with what GOD wanted prayed about vs. what I wanted to pray over.

 

Jesus, 

Thank You for giving me the privilege to minister to the ministers.  Thank You for allowing me to be a vessel used by You to encourage those who need it.  Thank You for using me (and my prayer partner) to help these beloved pastor’s wives of Yours.  You love them so much that You would randomly call me to pray for them- wow! What a mighty God You are!!! I know that means that I may never know all the people called to pray for me. Even the readers, they may never know the prayers said on their behalf. Thank You Jesus for Your wonderful, marvelous ways. I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

Rebekah M. 

Related content:

Praying in the Spirit- http://www.slideshare.net/southfayettechurch/praying-in-the-spirit

Esther Sermon Series- http://www.apostolichub.com/hub/shop/index.php?cPath=57_93

The Unexpected (aka Restoration pt 2)

Sep16

So this weekend turned out to be so much more interesting than I had expected it to. I knew going in that I was attending a wedding and was carpooling there with a guy friend of mine. Originally it was supposed to be with he and his girlfriend but they ended up breaking up shortly before so she didn’t even come along.

Best way to describe this weekend: Mind. Blown.

He and I have been friends for a few years now and no- we are not dating. That I know of he’s not even interested. However- for the first time I felt like I recognized things in someone where I was like- “that- that’s what I want.”  For the first time I feel like I met someone who would actually do the daily “so who did you invite to church today?” conversation I imagine having with my future husband at the dinner table. For the first time I felt like I met someone who’d jump in and pray over things and people as passionately as I do. For once I felt like I met someone who would be just as willing to open his door to people in need- whether it be a meal or a bed to sleep on.

Does this mean I think he’s the one? No. This means that I feel there’s hope that there really is someone out there for me that’s still single.  If this friend of mine exists and is still single- then perhaps there are more like him.

I don’t know if he wants more than friendship. I don’t even know if I want that since I’m pretty sure for things to work out I’d have to have a residency near him given various circumstances that have him where he is (the most important of which is I truly think God has called him to help with the church he’s currently attending). However, it was wonderful just being near a single guy my age where it was SO easy to talk about Jesus, he was attractive from the inside out, has a super fun personality, and a genuine love for God and the things of God.

So from what I wrote does that mean I’d never date him? No. It just means that I have no clue where God wants to take it all but I’m putting it all in His hands.

Jesus,

Thank you for a great weekend filled with You, friends, and laughter.  Thank You for reminding me that I have hope of a future. Whether it’s with that guy or someone else- You will reveal in Your timing. Thank You that You are good. I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

Rebekah M.

Related Post: https://beingrebekah.com/2012/07/15/restoration/

Hind’s Feet On High Places (Tearing Down the High Places pt2)

Sep10

The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments. ~ Habakkuk 3:19

So the other day God showed me during prayer time that the foundation of one of my high places was actually something that happened to me as a child.  It’s interesting how for Rebekah A. the root to something holding her back was also from her childhood. I honestly don’t feel like I am able to be 100% transparent right now about all this.  Some times the things we struggle with.. it’s even hard to share it on a mainly anonymous blog.  Regardless… this childhood event caused a shift in me that I never fully understood until that moment in prayer. From then on, a huge part of “who I am” was fueled by a fear that I was a certain way- a certain sinful way.  This fear caused me to feel less shame when I was acting a bit more sinful in other ways because “then I’m obviously not that way.”

As I prayed more, I have learned bit by bit to give it to Jesus.  I can’t change something like that overnight- but I feel like the above scripture gives me hope.  This high place in my life- God CAN help me not only tear it down, but actually to cause me to walk over it in a place of dominion.  I can overcome it to the point that I can look down from the remnants of it and see how an attack might be coming at me in the future.  This God we serve- He gives us strength when it seems all hope is lost.  He will cause us to be able to bound about this world majestically like the deer.

Two weekends from now should have been my wedding day.  We had been looking at getting married either then or in June 2013.  I have been fighting unproductive feelings of bitterness towards my ex and life in general when I see all my friends getting married.  I don’t want to be anything but happy for them, but it is hard when they are getting married and I’m not. However, I know I dodged a bullet… more like a nuclear bomb that I was blind to. We would have been SO wrong and yet the feelings had been with me almost all weekend.  This morning, though, on my way to work, I had an amazing chat with Jesus; just sat and prayed in tongues as I drove to work and He did a work in my heart.  A different “high place” in my life is fear that I will always be alone.  It stems from, again, things in my childhood that made me feel ugly and unlovable.  Jesus and I are going to work on that but for now- He showed me He would sustain me.  That He would cause me to one day be able to not only overcome these high places, but tread upon them like dirt.

Jesus, 

Thank You for being with me today.  Thank You for Your blessings.  I love that You have been with me all day and have shown me that You will sustain me through these next few emotionally trying weeks.  Thank You that You will enable me to tear down my high places after You reveal them to me. Thank You that You will enable me to walk on them. I love You Jesus with all my heart.  

Rebekah M. 

In Our Hour of Need (aka Tearing Down the High Places)

Sep7

Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. ~Psalms 19:12

Given that I had Labor Day off this past Monday, I tried to figure out where God wanted me. Was it to visit friends in NYC, near Harrisburg, or up in Niagara Falls? Also, was it to spend a whole weekend or just one day?  In the end, all things fit best with going to church in the city I am at now and then visiting Niagara to see friends on Labor Day.  Interesting enough, when the day finally came, everyone but two friends could meet, and one of them only for a few hours.  Something said to me that God had more planned for us and that there was something He wanted us to discuss.

After a nice day of shopping and napping we went to get coffee. There and when we drove back, we ended up talking about how she had been praying for God to reveal to her any secret faults she may have had.  Her husband (who was spending the day playing a game with his guy friends that they plan months in advance) had been the answer to that prayer by pointing out something shortly afterwards that she didn’t even realize she did.

This felt SO in line with how God has been working with me lately on my “high places.”  He recently identified to me what one was.  It was the most humbling experience to have something that I never imagined I really struggled with actually hit me in the face and be like… “hello! This is something that gets to you!” We here at BeingRebekah have talked about leaving our Babylons and what I noticed while talking to my friend and later on my prayer partner as I drove back, is that Babylon, high place, and secret faults all boil down to the same thing- something that is not of God within our lives.

As I drove back, I talked and prayed with my prayer partner on the phone.  Through God, we both dug into things from our past that were the foundation for things we struggled with today.  I realized that God wanted me to hang out with that friend specifically so that I would be lead to identify the foundation of one of the high places in my life.  One day I’ll be ready to post about it on the blog, but for today I just wanted to encourage you all to know- God gives us what we need when we need it! For me, it was a friend who would jump start a prayer that I would have later on with my prayer partner where God revealed something formed from an event of my childhood.

Jesus, 

Thank You for giving me exactly what I need when I need it.  Thank You that when I stop struggling to have my own way and just let You move, You open and close doors as You wish.  Thank You that You showed me the foundation of one of my high places so that I can now keep working to tear it down.  I know that it isn’t always an “overnight” thing, but I also know that through You, now that it is identified, it can and will be torn down.  I love You Jesus with all my heart.  

Rebekah M. 

Perfect Peace

Sep4

 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” –Isaiah 26:3

Yesterday through Facebook I got a frantic message that a very good friend of mine was in a motorcycle accident. It was a terrifying moment for me. I kept rereading the words and trying to make sense of them. I felt incredibly helpless. This friend lives on the other side of the globe and there was nothing I could do to help him. Or even to get more information.

How did it happen? Was he hurt? Would he be okay? Is he in the hospital?

I had so many questions and so little information. I was scared of losing him. “Please please please let him be okay”, I prayed, feeling the emotion welling up inside me. Irrationally, I considered going to the airport immediately to catch the next plane to get to where he is. There was a time that he and I had planned to get married and I still love him deeply even if the nature of that love has shifted. To consider that he might be seriously injured and I wasn’t with him was more than I knew how to handle. I really did not know what to do with myself. I kept refreshing my Facebook page over and over again, hoping for a new message from his friend. I was desperate for more information. I felt paralyzed. Absolutely helpless. The fear rising up in me was fierce.

Then suddenly it occurred to me that even from half way across the world, there was something I could do for him. I could trust God, and I could pray. My focus then shifted from the situation to God. I remembered that God is the Creator, the Almighty, and our Healer. Everything is in His hands. When I began to meditate on that, I immediately felt peace. I knew God was taking care of the situation. This time when I prayed, I prayed with the assurance that God was in control and no matter what happened He would still be in control. I reminded myself that this man knows the Lord. If the very worst should happen, he is still safe in the Lord’s care. Regardless of how long he has life on this earth, he has the promise of eternal life with the King.

I became completely filled with His peace. It is difficult to even explain it, but every ounce of fear left me. I was able to completely surrender the situation to Him. I continued to pray for my friend for mercy and healing, but it was no longer a prayer out of selfish desperation. It was a prayer based on who the Lord is and knowing what He is capable of doing. Mostly, I just prayed that the Lord’s will be done. I knew without a doubt that it would be.

A few hours later I got the message that my friend will be fine. He is scraped up, bruised up, and has a broken wrist, but he has no internal injuries. He will make a full recovery. The worst of my fears were not even remotely realized. If I had not surrendered to God, I would have spent all the time making myself sick with worry. All of my worry would not have accomplished anything.

I praise God that he is okay! Thank you Jesus for protecting my friend! I know it could have been much worse and the mercy of the Lord has kept him for another day. Thank you, Jesus for your peace in the midst of a storm. Thank you for calming the waves of fear and teaching me once again to trust in you!

Dear Reader, when you feel helpless, when a situation is beyond your control; it is never beyond God. He will give you perfect peace if you trust Him to handle every situation that comes up in life. In scary moments when loved ones may be hurt or in danger, give all of your fears and concerns the Lord. He will carry you through every difficult circumstance in your life if you let Him.

-Rebekah L.

Song of the Day- Have Your Way by Britt Nicole

Aug13

This weekend has been a roller coaster. It started with my boyfriend and I breaking up and ended today with taking my 2nd step of medical boards. Through what should have been a very tough weekend (and in a way it was), Jesus was right by my side. It was like Jesus allowed the fire to come back into my life just to wake me back up.

This morning, instead of cramming a little more, I got up, danced in the darkness of my room, and worshiped the One who would be by my side this day and would give me the victory not based on anything I had done, but on who HE is.  I danced before the King of all kings and thanked Him for who He is, knowing that He had the power to craft the test to exactly what I had studied.

As I look back on the last few days it’s amazing.  Ex #2 and I talked MANY things out and although I’m sure there are more things that will come up- I think there’s hope of a REAL relationship developing one day.  He was afraid of telling me what he really thought of me because he was afraid I’d be offended. As the misunderstandings started pouring out, and we talked things through, we started seeing each other in a new light.

The most amazing thing of this all is the fact that there are SO many coincidences of circumstances between ex #1 and ex #2 that I just can’t help but feel it is Jesus who is setting it up for me to see the stark contrast.  Do I know that he won’t be like ex #1 and disappear on me just when he was acting like things would be getting better? No. But so far, EVERY time, he has acted the exact opposite of ex #1.  He even kept his promise of texting me good luck this morning 🙂

Will we ever reconcile? I have no clue. I know his mom would love it though haa haa She adored me (I’m guessing as much as I adored her).  She reminded me very, very much of my own mother in certain ways- mainly how the love of God just poured out of her so freely. Being as homesick as I am now (it’s been too many months since I’ve been home), it was wonderful being in a home where you could feel the prayers hovering over as a shield of peace for all who walked in.

To the song today- God has been calling me to just seek after Him with EVERYTHING that I have and let everything else fall away in the might of His glory.  Problems cannot stand in it.  Misunderstandings and misconceptions cannot stand in it. Darkness and sin cannot stand in it.  To seek after Him with all that I have means giving Him much more than I have been- but also gaining all that much more in the end- whether in this life or the next.

The last time I was dumped, I played this song as I sobbed- knowing the world I thought I was going into had just disappeared like a vapor in the wind and tried with all my might to do this. To give God the reigns to have His way regardless of what that meant.  This time around, I truly feel it!!!! Have YOUR way Lord! Should this guy truly leave me- so be it! You are still marvelous! Should this guy realize what he threw away- so be it! Have Your way!!! Jesus, should I have failed my boards today- so be it! Have YOUR way! Should I have aced it beyond all comprehension- Have YOUR way! There is NOTHING in this world that is bad when Jesus is having His way in our life! As I told a younger kid this weekend- if something is stopping or blocking it, don’t fight it- let God do that- perhaps it is God’s way of steering you towards the path you SHOULD be going!!!

Oh Jesus, have Your way in my life. I WILL seek after You.  The rules and regulations so many Christians try to put on their lives fall away when we’re passionately pursuing after You.  I love You Jesus. I love You Jesus. I love You Jesus with all that I have within me. 

Rebekah M. 

P.S. Rebekah A would like to request prayer. Check back here around noon tomorrow to read her post for the details and thank you all in advance for the prayers for her!!!  God bless!

Answers with Questions

Aug11

So…. my boyfriend and I now broke up… So I guess he’s ex #2?  I just got off the phone with my mom and I’m SO thankful that she is in my life.  We prayed over the phone together and I couldn’t ask for a better mom.  He said that he asked me out too early and that we should just go back to being friends and even tough I’m not sure I said it out loud… I agree. We did date WAY too early. I don’t know why I had that much caution with another friend whom I had known for years and would never put me on the back burner like this guy did and yet with ex #2 I threw caution to the wind.

I do wonder though, because I’ve repeatedly been reading on how all these kings of Israel would follow a bad king, turn back to God and God would be please and yet over and over again it mentions “but the high places were not torn down.”  Is that my problem? I didn’t tear the high places down last time from ex #1 which is why I fell into kissing etc. with ex #2? Yet once again I still was able to stay safe from sleeping with him but I still passed the lines I had put up.

We’re going to remain friends he says. Ironically- after we’ve broken up- I’m meeting his parents tomorrow morning. It feels rude to just up and disappear after the plans have already been made and honestly- I still feel like God having said “you need to see things through” might be saying more? I’m so tired and confused I don’t know.

Pray for me dear readers- yet once again I dated a guy who broke up with me right before a big test- this time is my second boards for my medical license… I feel a fool for having allowed yet another guy into my life who would do this but I have to admit that I did push him a bit to this in a way because I asked him if he was in or out. He was clearly pulling out and I wasn’t going to have another “dumped via facebook” in my life again.  No woman deserves to be dumped via facebook.

Jesus,

As my mom said on the phone- I turn my eyes back to You once again. I struggled with it while I was dating ex #2 so I guess since the distraction is now gone, life can be good? Lord, please… I cannot take this too many more times. Just help me trust You with my life and learn to walk in Your ways.  No one can harm me when You are the one steering.  I love You Jesus with all my heart. Thank You that it’s not shattered like the first guy did. Thank You that You are wonderful and marvelous.  Thank You that there is none like You.  I worship You Jesus for You are good in all times and Your mercy endures forever.  I thank You Jesus for being my all in all.  I love You Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Rebekah M.

Around the Corner/At the Alter

May20

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~ Ps 37:4

Lately, I just haven’t been able to shake the feeling that God has my future husband right around the corner.  No, I don’t think I’m going to get married in a split second (LOL!) but something in me just keeps feeling like “Isaac is almost here, you’re about to meet Isaac.”  And so I can’t help but wonder: how much of this is me and how much of this is God? All I do know is that I have to continue to just keep giving it back to God, for if it is true and real and of Him, then it will come to pass. For when my God says “it is so” then it. is. so.

In all this though, I can’t help but keep wondering about everything that surrounded my past relationship, especially since I’ve been in the city where he and I had our first few dates.  When I think of my ex and his friends, I can’t help but feel like God is going to punish for what they did to me.  His friends, who had claimed to be my friends, cut me off. Never asked if I was doing okay. Never bothered to find out my side of the story.  I even wished two of them a happy mother’s day and they never responded. How can you be like that and call yourself a follower of Christ? Would it really hurt to be a human being and just say “thank you, I hope you’re doing well too!”  However, I know that JESUS knows what happened and JESUS is my witness and my God. More than that, I keep feeling like God is pushing into my heart to learn to love like He does- unconditionally.  LONG before we reciprocated, He loved us and died for us anyhow. So it makes me all the more determined to strive to pour love out around me and look to JESUS as the source of unending love that can, through Him, continually pour out. If it never is sent back, so be it- I pray they are blessed regardless. If it is, to God be the glory for giving me good people in my life.

Today the sermon was about leaving it all at the alter and how we need an alter in our daily life.  We need to give Christ our lives daily and it is at the alter that our lives are  altered. And so, I gave the whole thing back to God today and realized, with joy, that I had nothing really to give about my ex but it has been the hurt from his friends cutting me off that I had to give to Him.  What a wonderful, mighty God that we serve that 6 months after everything, I can now say with honesty that yes, there is slight residual I mean- he was my first kiss, handhold, and I thought I was marrying him (esp after he said he already picked the ring out and had originally picked out a day to propose)- BUT I can pass the places where we had dates and our first kiss and still, I am okay and not only that, I can give God glory for full emotional healing.  God brought me to this city to show me His wonderful, cleansing power.  He has cleaned me from my past so that my future Isaac can make an appearance… and it’s right around the corner…

Rebekah M. 

In His Hands: Unexpected Gifts

May16

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ~James 4:7

Although I’ve been trying to fast for a week on and off for a week and a half now, today has been a new level. Since I started coming out of my deep fasting/praying time, I’ve allowed myself to slip away little by little from the habits that helped me reach a new level in Christ.  I haven’t been praying 3 times a day. I haven’t been looking at things that I’m fasting and saying “Jesus, I want You more.”  I am reading my Bible but the steady, daily reading has been more this week than others recently.

I confess all this to set the stage for the two things that I want to say today.

Despite my discipline in Christ slipping away, my adoration for Him has held.  It’s amazing to me that the deep, deep love for Christ that was born through those hours upon hours of prayer and weeks of fasting has remained. Just today on my way to church the sun broke through the clouds and I teared up a little and told Jesus that I adored Him.  Something about the beauty in this world continually reminds me of how wonderful this Jesus of ours is.  I’ll sporadically pray and with all my heart I’ll say “I adore You Jesus” and I KNOW that it’s for real.  What amazing, wonderful grace God has to allow that present to say in my heart.  It truly is awe-striking that He would have done such a deep work in me that I could still adore Him even when I haven’t been spending as much time with Him.  Thank You Jesus.

The other gift Jesus gave me was that this morning I created a prayer closet in the house I’m staying at this month and set aside time in my morning to pray before work.  I submitted my day to Him and during the afternoon, a friend of mine posted that she was now “single” on facebook. I both texted her and posted on her status update and as I was typing something on FB, she texted what God had told her the night before that brought about the change.  It was FLOORING because it was exactly what I was about to post! I told her to go check it out and she was like “girl, that’s confirmation.”  I told Jesus this morning that I wanted to stop wondering about how things would work out with future potential Isaacs and to get back to trying to be like Rebekah- seeking contentment in living my life daily, doing the tasks at hand. Just a few minutes this morning to submit my day and then He uses me to minister to a friend.  WOW (!!!) is all I could say to that.  Amazing, amazing Jesus.

I am in His hands and I’ve submitted my actions into His hands.

Jesus, 

I thank You that You’ve given me these unexpected, undeserved gifts.  I thank You that You decided that I could be a vessel to be used by You today to minister to a friend.  I thank You that the adoration I had for You before has continued and even deepened as time as gone on.  There is none like You Jesus. With ALL my heart, I know that I know that I KNOW- I adore You, I love You, with ALL my heart, mind, soul, and strength. 

Rebekah M. 

Unexpected Healing

May1

Mark 11:23-26 “Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

As I looked for scriptures for my intended topic this scripture appeared. I knew that God wanted this connection but for anyone who’s been keeping up, you need to bear with me because I’m going to rehash some things for new readers.  

Back in December, my ex and I were on a “break” and I had been fasting for almost two weeks when in the middle of Sunday night service my faith welled within me and I said “mountain, be thou removed” with everything within me. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but the very next day around noon my ex changed his status on facebook to “single.”  The journey since then has been interesting and people who meet me in person often are surprised when they find out that I was almost engaged less than half a year ago and the way I found out my ex was done with me was via facebook (no text, email, call or anything… just one day saw that he was apparently now single without ever informing me that I was no longer in a relationship with a guy who supposedly had picked the ring out). In my heart I knew that God MUST be in it for never in my life did I feel such faith when saying that and I didn’t even specifically say WHAT mountain.. just commanded it and KNEW that it was gone.

Last night at Ladies’ Prayer, we gathered at the front and were asked to pray for healing for each other because there was great need.  As I began to pray, I had EVERY intention to pray for all the unknown needs when God’s love, forgiveness, and healing came flooding through.  The tears poured forth and I knew that I was healed.  Do I know all of the healing? No. But I know that God has healed me from my past relationship with my ex.  I’m ready now to start a new relationship with the right guy.  Tonight as I spoke with my roommate I was even able to talk about good memories about my ex but recognized that the man I THOUGHT I was dating was truly just a broken boy who needs to grow more in God before he’ll ever be ready to take on a wife.  God, however, isn’t going to allow me to be hurt repeatedly so He removed me from the situation for my own safety and sanity.

After my cousin committed suicide, my heart was so broken and hurt.  How could I know and love the God of this universe and yet my own cousin was in such despair that he jumped off a building? For months I lived in anguish- random things causing me to break down and cry. When I finally began to have true healing, I started being able to think on him and remember the good times like the last time I saw him- he, his little brother, and I played card games late into the night laughing and catching up.

I know I’m healed because although I don’t want to chase back after my ex, I know don’t even want to actively run away should that ever be an option.  I’ve given up on caring either way.  I’m leaving EVERY option up to God for who knows how He works?  I choose to allow God to be the Master of my now blank canvas to write whatever story He wants.  I am healed, unexpectedly, mercifully, wonderfully healed.

Jesus, 

I thank You that You healed me even when I wasn’t seeking it.  I thank You that You said wait until April not for dating… but for me to finally be READY to date… by healing my heart completely on the last day of April! Lord, I am excited about the future You have in store for me. You know one of my desires in this world is to work side by side with a man as his wife and together- our prayers will shake the foundations because we know, love, and trust You.  Together, we will work in Your kingdom, planting the seeds You provide. Together we will build where You tell us, break down what You instruct us to, and LIVE for YOU.  I love You Jesus with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. 

Rebekah M.