The Visions: Part 1

Feb14

This is part of an email that was sent to my parents by a prophet in another country before I wrote what I did in Praying Monday: Press On but they didn’t receive it until afterwards. In it there were three visions. After they confronted me the next day about these visions, I wrote A Daddy’s Chastisement. I was messing up- unofficially in a relationship with a guy who didn’t know God and worse yet, doing things that I shouldn’t with him. Not THAT, but still wrong in God’s eyes. People, some even in church, told me it wasn’t bad or wrong so long as it wasn’t THAT, but God’s standards are not our standards. I pray that in revealing these visions the prophet had of me, those of you who might be contemplating going down the same road are warned and those who have been there encouraged that God loves you even when what He saw you do this:

First picture God show me was like this: I see your daughter. She all in white. She very innocent. There is a man. He dress like gang man or something. Very terrible. She go to this man and embrace him. I am wonder why innocent girl like her will be with this kind of man. When they separate, her white dress is become dirty. He leave. She begin walk down road, and she wipe some the dirt off while she walk. But dress is not clean white like before. Down the road, she meet another man, and this one she embrace him too. This man was not seem so terrible like gang man, but it is trick because he is even more dirty than first man. When they separate, even more dirty on her dress. She walk away and try wiping dirt off her dress. Some dirt come off, but now even more dirt stay on dress. She keep walk, down road she meet another man. He looks more innocent than both the first two mans. He seem nothing to be afraid of. When she embrace him she make him more dirty and he make her more dirty. This time is goes both way because she think her dress still white, but dress is not white anymore. There is danger but she choose not to see it. They are still embrace when picture end so I never see what does dress look like when they separate. This God show me awhile ago, but I ignore.

He will have mercy when you finally turn to HIM to clean you off. This is the God who IS love itself! Although it is crazy to think that this above, being sent to my parents is the epitome of love, it is! God loved me enough to know exactly what I needed and since that day the email was sent, my family has had nightly prayer meetings over Google+ and I love it. It has been my daily strength. It helps motivate me through the day to know I’ll have prayer at night with my family. We didn’t grow up with family prayer, but now that I have it, I know it is part of the dream of my future family. What a legacy that would be from my parents if that really does happen in my life!

I digress, back to the point- things I learned are the following:

a) God doesn’t want us messing around, even if it’s not THAT.

b) He saw into the heart of even a guy who was on the platform of a church and still, still he called him a “gang man”… we must be careful of who we choose to date EVEN IN CHURCH for just because they claim Christ, it does not mean they truly follow Him or are known to Him

c) what love! what compassion! what heartache my Lord, my God… my LOVE must feel for me! (and you too dear readers!!! Jesus’ heart is big enough to love you as much as He does me!!! which is INFINITE AMOUNTS!) He was warning me to be careful of my path, He wants me safe and secure in HIM, not clinging to men who don’t deserve me or are not right for me.

d) we can be too secure in our “salvation” and “righteousness” when really… it is HIS righteousness, HIS grace and HIS BLOOD that cleans us and washes us white as snow. He’s shown me so much love and compassion in the last two weeks that I cannot say it all… what a wonderful, mighty God who’s true grace and mercy I have experienced over the last two weeks more than I ever have before. Thank You wonderful Jesus for Your saving grace!!!

Dear Reader,

If you have never come to Christ before, I encourage you now to just drop it all and seek after Christ. For you will not regret it if you truly let Him into your heart!!! He was my first valentine and so far, my only. Let Him be so for you today!!!! He loves you beyond measure, word, or deed for He did the ultimate deed of love- He died for us so that we might be freed from sin!!! Your chains of addiction, guilt, and/or shame can come off in His name!!!! Bury yourself in Him and you will find the strength to live right… THROUGH HIM. It is not MY righteousness but HIS, it is not MY goodness but HIS, it is not MY keeping a clean robe but HIS BLOOD that cleans it!!!! Just pray for Him to bring the right people into your life to help you and read the bible! Know HIS love letter in intimate detail and you will see! I’d suggest starting with the book of John and then move on to the book of Acts… but if you can find a church near you that lives the bible I’m sure someone there can help show you good scriptures! 🙂

Thank You Jesus for being my first love. Thank You Jesus for loving me enough to chastise me this way so that my heart would truly learn how to accept your mercy and forgiving grace. Thank You Jesus!!!!!!! I love You Jesus with all my heart,

Rebekah M.

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/28/praying-monday-pressing-on/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/29/a-daddys-chastisement/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/28/the-visions-part-2/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/04/12/the-visions-part-3/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/05/02/the-visions-loved-like-gomer-was/

God is God

Feb3

“When you dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive.” ~ Proverbs 23:1-3

I am seeing a big struggle lately to strike that balance of ‘living in the world but not of the world’. I’m with you, believe me; it can be tough to find.

It’s a difficult balance to strike, which to me makes sense because the Christian walk was never promised to be easy. Difficulty doesn’t bother me much. What bothers me a bit is that somewhere in that struggle, God’s word is being stretched. His boundaries and His warnings are pretty clear, and yet there’s a big tendency to tweak them in order to suit our own needs and desires of the day. It’s easy to say “I don’t want to be rude, so I’ll ____”, or “The bible says this leads to death; that must be metaphorical”. You might be right on that last one, but I personally think “death” can take many forms (spiritual death, death of a destiny or task God needed you to do; physical death is really the least of them in my opinion). But I digress.

In short, I see a lot of people trying to best God at His own plan. And it doesn’t work. We think we know our lives better. We think we’re smarter and other people just don’t get it. We think it’s just this once. We think we’re invincible because we do pray after all. We taste the delicacies of those around us, and find we have an appetite for them after all. And so we feed that appetite. Maybe not in a gluttonous way, at least not at first. But it doesn’t have to be. The more we taste those delicacies and feed those appetites, the less we are relying on God for our daily bread. The more we go for things that we ‘want’, the less we desire the things of God that we actually need. The damage can be subtle. We may not stop praying, but we might start to pick and choose what we pray about rather than giving God everything. We might still go to Church, but we are quicker to dismiss counsel from other Christians because “they don’t get it”. Slowly, our passion for Jesus dulls as these other things take precedence.

These other desires take precedence in our hearts slowly but surely – be they for a person, a lifestyle, money, whatever. They become idols within us, our own personal Babylons (I blogged about personal Babylons before – especially here with the first Leaving Babylon post). God clearly warns us against it. But we don’t heed the warnings because we humans are pros at self-denial and self-justification. We think we’re fine. Or we simply don’t want to hear that we aren’t. And it affects everything – our prayer life, our thought life, our connection with God, our discernment and ability to hear things like prophecies. Everything suddenly gets twisted and centered around these earthly things, and away from what God wants us to hear.

As Christians, we must be on our guard for this. It’s God’s plan; not ours. God is God; we are not. And neither is anything else. The boundaries are His; we can’t shift them. We’re in way over our heads if we try to twist His words to suit our own needs. And yet it’s a rampant attitude. So I invite you today to join me in bringing yourself before the Lord and letting Him in to examine your heart. Really, really examine it, and flush out any of these twisted ideas. Maybe there’s just a truth He revealed to you before that He wants to expand on. Whatever it may be, let God in to reveal it to you and be open and humble to receive the change.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Praying Monday: Pressing On

Jan28

Lord,

I feel like I’m messing up. I feel like I’m making a mess of my life. You have put me on my parents’ hearts heavily which means something must be up for they stay tuned in to You. I don’t know what I’m doing with this guy. I’m not sure how to get it all sorted out. All I do know is that yet once again, I want to press into You. Yet once again, I want to bury myself in You. Not to escape everything, but because I know that the only answer is there. The only way that everything can have its best possible outcome is found in You. So Lord, right now, I humble myself and press into You. Right now I pour out my heart, all of the muck, the dirt, the grime, all that is wrong in me, clean me out. Clean out my heart. Clean out my mind. Clean out my soul.

And replace it with You.

Find me once again Lord, renewed in You. Find me once again Lord, cleansed by Your spirit. Find me once again Lord, leaning on You. I will take whatever chastisement You want to lay on me. I keep telling myself that “well, I don’t love him,” “well, we didn’t do THAT” but I feel You try to whisper to me that it’s not about lines, it’s about direction. So Jesus, fix my direction. Help me follow the compass You gave me instead of what my “gut” is saying. Help me use Your instrument guide instead of “my eyesight.” So much of myself says that this guy is so perfect- he even doesn’t mind chicken feet!!!- but the one thing, the MOST IMPORTANT THING that we don’t have in common, is You. And unless that happens, I need to stop. I need to hold back more. Not just for myself, but even for him as well. His heart is on the line too, not just mine, and it is selfish of me to encourage more than just friendship if doing so, as of right now, means that there is potential that I will have to chose between You or him one day, and we know that I MUST choose You.

Lord, right now I choose You.

But I know Lord, that it can also mean that choosing You can lead to choosing a path that no one else knows is possible. Lord, in all this- above all else- let this guy meet You. I want him to find You. I want him, a guy who has been and each time continues to be, so much better than those who came before him and claimed to know You. A guy who doesn’t claim You and yet who has so many of Your qualities. So giving when he expects nothing in return, so gentle that he wouldn’t hurt even a spider that was scaring me… save Him Jesus. Save him so that He’ll get to meet You one day and realize that You’ve loved him all his life.

Help me stop having myself be seen and let YOU shine through. Help me stop getting in the way of what YOU want to accomplish. Help me just press into You and let YOU work as You will.

So Lord, I press on into You.

Rebekah M.

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/29/a-daddys-chastisement/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/14/the-visions-part-1/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/28/the-visions-part-2/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/04/12/the-visions-part-3/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/05/02/the-visions-loved-like-gomer-was/

Consecrating the Temple

Sep25

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, whom is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” ~ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

At Church on Sunday, we had a special time set aside to pray for healing. I have an autoimmune disease, and for the past almost-year or so now I’ve been fighting a weird eczema-type rash on my hands and arms. It hasn’t been fun, so if healing prayer is being offered, I’m all over it! But as I prayed for Jesus to just take my body and touch it with His healing hand, the hand of the Great Physician, He answered me with “I can’t. You’re not mine to heal.”

Excuse me? What do you mean I’m not yours to heal? Don’t I blog about you and love you and worship you and serve you? Trust me, Jesus – I’m all yours. Go ahead and heal me!

Still the words resonated, “You’re not mine to heal”. I have to say that Jesus and I had a slight difference of opinion when it came to this ruling….but since He’s usually right about these things I figured I’d listen. What He essentially said was, my body is a temple. It’s consecrated space. At least, it should be. Right now though, it really isn’t. There are too many distractions and external things I’m letting in. When my body truly becomes a temple for Jesus, it will be His to heal.

This got me thinking. I used to have a weekly fast day. I’ve stopped doing that. From fasting to eating habits to workout habits to how I spend my free time, every action I make is either consecrating or desecrating this temple. It was almost like God was telling me it’s not enough to have prayer time set aside. Our very bodies are temples – places of worship and praise, dedicated to our Creator. Our spirits merely inhabit it. We were created for God, not for ourselves.

Then I had another thought. We literally spend our whole entire lives inside of a temple. We can’t leave it even if we want to – after all, it’s not like we can step out of our bodies. We can’t say “Today my body’s a temple but tomorrow I’m hanging out with my friends and I think there’s gonna be a cute guy there so I’ll wear clothes a little tighter so I look good.” That’s not how it works. Our bodies are temples all the time. They were created for that purpose, and 1 Corinthians 6 is very clear about that. The question becomes this: in this moment, is your temple consecrated or desecrated? Are you worshiping Jesus or have you invited in an idol? You can’t leave your temple ever, so all you can do is either keep it clean and polished or let it get dirty; you can either serve Jesus in its altar or serve something else. And truth be told, every thought in your head, action you take and word you speak serves something. You are serving something in every second of the day. Today I ask you, who?

So clearly, Jesus is calling me to walk more intentionally in Him, not just in thought but in my actions as well. I trust Him that the healing will come in time. Meanwhile, I have some cleaning of my temple to do.

This is the time, readers, to reflect on your daily habits and your lifestyle and see if any of them are in fact less than godly. This is the time to pray for strength and make some changes so that you, too, can polish your temples and let God’s light shine out in all its glory. I wish you luck and am keeping you in my prayers. As always, write to me with specific prayer requests at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

Knowing Where You’ve Been

Sep17

As Christians, we are taught to shed our past. Whether it be all the misguided things we did before knowing Jesus, or a lifetime of growing in Him, we are called to be constantly going forward, to shed the things we know and to step into the path our Savior has for us. There’s even an example (in Genesis 19) where Lot flees the city of Sodom with his family, so that he may escape its destruction, and his wife turns to look back on the place they’d made their home and becomes a pillar of salt.

Well, I certainly don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt. I don’t much want you to turn into one either. But as much as you leave your past behind you, I would also like to remind you not to be guilty of it. If you have truly shed it, truly repented to God and are stepping forward away from it and into the new heart/plan He has for you, you have nothing to be ashamed of. No matter what you’ve done, you are no longer that person and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You may not be perfect now, in fact you definitely aren’t – welcome to humanity. BUT if you have grown in God from where you’ve been, you are new nonetheless.

And that’s important. Because when we are ashamed, we tend to sweep it under the rug and hope nobody notices. I implore you to shed the shame along with the actions. When there is no shame, we don’t feel the need to hide it. When our past is open, it becomes a testimony. “Look where I was back then….look where I am now!” Who but God can work such a change in a person’s heart?

So yes, readers, shed your past. Move forward from where you were. But while you’re journeying from your past to your future, take time to rejoice in the work God has done and the change He has made in you. He is a good God and does all things for our good!

I am praying for all of you readers that your past may find its place harmlessly behind you. If you need prayer over something specific, feel free to write to me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com, and I will gladly stand in prayer with you.

God bless!

~Rebekah A

In Our Hour of Need (aka Tearing Down the High Places)

Sep7

Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. ~Psalms 19:12

Given that I had Labor Day off this past Monday, I tried to figure out where God wanted me. Was it to visit friends in NYC, near Harrisburg, or up in Niagara Falls? Also, was it to spend a whole weekend or just one day? In the end, all things fit best with going to church in the city I am at now and then visiting Niagara to see friends on Labor Day. Interesting enough, when the day finally came, everyone but two friends could meet, and one of them only for a few hours. Something said to me that God had more planned for us and that there was something He wanted us to discuss.

After a nice day of shopping and napping we went to get coffee. There and when we drove back, we ended up talking about how she had been praying for God to reveal to her any secret faults she may have had. Her husband (who was spending the day playing a game with his guy friends that they plan months in advance) had been the answer to that prayer by pointing out something shortly afterwards that she didn’t even realize she did.

This felt SO in line with how God has been working with me lately on my “high places.” He recently identified to me what one was. It was the most humbling experience to have something that I never imagined I really struggled with actually hit me in the face and be like… “hello! This is something that gets to you!” We here at BeingRebekah have talked about leaving our Babylons and what I noticed while talking to my friend and later on my prayer partner as I drove back, is that Babylon, high place, and secret faults all boil down to the same thing- something that is not of God within our lives.

As I drove back, I talked and prayed with my prayer partner on the phone. Through God, we both dug into things from our past that were the foundation for things we struggled with today. I realized that God wanted me to hang out with that friend specifically so that I would be lead to identify the foundation of one of the high places in my life. One day I’ll be ready to post about it on the blog, but for today I just wanted to encourage you all to know- God gives us what we need when we need it! For me, it was a friend who would jump start a prayer that I would have later on with my prayer partner where God revealed something formed from an event of my childhood.

Jesus,

Thank You for giving me exactly what I need when I need it. Thank You that when I stop struggling to have my own way and just let You move, You open and close doors as You wish. Thank You that You showed me the foundation of one of my high places so that I can now keep working to tear it down. I know that it isn’t always an “overnight” thing, but I also know that through You, now that it is identified, it can and will be torn down. I love You Jesus with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

Break Out of the Cocoon

Aug19

For most of my life, I was sheltered. Both from how my parents raised me as well as of my own doing. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to find out bad things so I’d literally hold my hands over my ears when people tried to talk about worldly things around me. In the aftermath of my first breakup, my prayer partner and I worked it through and I came to the realization that I used it as a shield and as a form of pride. I felt almost invincible from sins since I had never kissed a guy. I felt almost untouchable from doing bad things since I had never done anything in over 25 years. Then, I dated my first boyfriend and he stole my first kiss. Then I dated my second boyfriend and although we also didn’t do that, we did more than the last boyfriend. Part of me dreads the fact that I know my parents can read this but part of me knows that if I am to purge myself and break out of my cocoon, then this must happen. This transparency must occur. I just thank Jesus that yet once again I can honestly say we did not do that.

This is all said because I know that what I am going through is life changing, but I don’t even know how to say it all coherently. God is putting me in this place of knowing I’m human. God is putting me in this place of showing me that He is just waiting to give me the promises He’s been TRYING to give me, but each time He gets ready to, I fail. I get send back to the wilderness. I fall away from the place where He can give me the promises He has for me. I keep hiding myself back into a cocoon of either fear, doubt, sinfulness, or evil thoughts. Whatever it is at the time, I just keep putting myself into a place where God’s gifts cannot reach me.

We were made to fly.

That’s what the preacher kept saying tonight. Somehow, in my mind, it’s all a convoluted mess, but God wants me to tear down my high places, break out of my cocoon, pursue after Him with everything I have, and watch as when it all finally comes together, His promises come pouring in. But how?

How Jesus? I’m so lost Lord. I need You to just guide me through this process for I know You have a work You’re trying to do in me but I don’t even know where to begin in this journey. What do You want me to do? Where do you want me to go? Lord, just help guide me. Help.

Rebekah M.

Song of the Day- Have Your Way by Britt Nicole

Aug13

This weekend has been a roller coaster. It started with my boyfriend and I breaking up and ended today with taking my 2nd step of medical boards. Through what should have been a very tough weekend (and in a way it was), Jesus was right by my side. It was like Jesus allowed the fire to come back into my life just to wake me back up.

This morning, instead of cramming a little more, I got up, danced in the darkness of my room, and worshiped the One who would be by my side this day and would give me the victory not based on anything I had done, but on who HE is. I danced before the King of all kings and thanked Him for who He is, knowing that He had the power to craft the test to exactly what I had studied.

As I look back on the last few days it’s amazing. Ex #2 and I talked MANY things out and although I’m sure there are more things that will come up- I think there’s hope of a REAL relationship developing one day. He was afraid of telling me what he really thought of me because he was afraid I’d be offended. As the misunderstandings started pouring out, and we talked things through, we started seeing each other in a new light.

The most amazing thing of this all is the fact that there are SO many coincidences of circumstances between ex #1 and ex #2 that I just can’t help but feel it is Jesus who is setting it up for me to see the stark contrast. Do I know that he won’t be like ex #1 and disappear on me just when he was acting like things would be getting better? No. But so far, EVERY time, he has acted the exact opposite of ex #1. He even kept his promise of texting me good luck this morning 🙂

Will we ever reconcile? I have no clue. I know his mom would love it though haa haa She adored me (I’m guessing as much as I adored her). She reminded me very, very much of my own mother in certain ways- mainly how the love of God just poured out of her so freely. Being as homesick as I am now (it’s been too many months since I’ve been home), it was wonderful being in a home where you could feel the prayers hovering over as a shield of peace for all who walked in.

To the song today- God has been calling me to just seek after Him with EVERYTHING that I have and let everything else fall away in the might of His glory. Problems cannot stand in it. Misunderstandings and misconceptions cannot stand in it. Darkness and sin cannot stand in it. To seek after Him with all that I have means giving Him much more than I have been- but also gaining all that much more in the end- whether in this life or the next.

The last time I was dumped, I played this song as I sobbed- knowing the world I thought I was going into had just disappeared like a vapor in the wind and tried with all my might to do this. To give God the reigns to have His way regardless of what that meant. This time around, I truly feel it!!!! Have YOUR way Lord! Should this guy truly leave me- so be it! You are still marvelous! Should this guy realize what he threw away- so be it! Have Your way!!! Jesus, should I have failed my boards today- so be it! Have YOUR way! Should I have aced it beyond all comprehension- Have YOUR way! There is NOTHING in this world that is bad when Jesus is having His way in our life! As I told a younger kid this weekend- if something is stopping or blocking it, don’t fight it- let God do that- perhaps it is God’s way of steering you towards the path you SHOULD be going!!!

Oh Jesus, have Your way in my life. I WILL seek after You. The rules and regulations so many Christians try to put on their lives fall away when we’re passionately pursuing after You. I love You Jesus. I love You Jesus. I love You Jesus with all that I have within me.

Rebekah M.

P.S. Rebekah A would like to request prayer. Check back here around noon tomorrow to read her post for the details and thank you all in advance for the prayers for her!!! God bless!

Answers with Questions

Aug11

So…. my boyfriend and I now broke up… So I guess he’s ex #2? I just got off the phone with my mom and I’m SO thankful that she is in my life. We prayed over the phone together and I couldn’t ask for a better mom. He said that he asked me out too early and that we should just go back to being friends and even tough I’m not sure I said it out loud… I agree. We did date WAY too early. I don’t know why I had that much caution with another friend whom I had known for years and would never put me on the back burner like this guy did and yet with ex #2 I threw caution to the wind.

I do wonder though, because I’ve repeatedly been reading on how all these kings of Israel would follow a bad king, turn back to God and God would be please and yet over and over again it mentions “but the high places were not torn down.” Is that my problem? I didn’t tear the high places down last time from ex #1 which is why I fell into kissing etc. with ex #2? Yet once again I still was able to stay safe from sleeping with him but I still passed the lines I had put up.

We’re going to remain friends he says. Ironically- after we’ve broken up- I’m meeting his parents tomorrow morning. It feels rude to just up and disappear after the plans have already been made and honestly- I still feel like God having said “you need to see things through” might be saying more? I’m so tired and confused I don’t know.

Pray for me dear readers- yet once again I dated a guy who broke up with me right before a big test- this time is my second boards for my medical license… I feel a fool for having allowed yet another guy into my life who would do this but I have to admit that I did push him a bit to this in a way because I asked him if he was in or out. He was clearly pulling out and I wasn’t going to have another “dumped via facebook” in my life again. No woman deserves to be dumped via facebook.

Jesus,

As my mom said on the phone- I turn my eyes back to You once again. I struggled with it while I was dating ex #2 so I guess since the distraction is now gone, life can be good? Lord, please… I cannot take this too many more times. Just help me trust You with my life and learn to walk in Your ways. No one can harm me when You are the one steering. I love You Jesus with all my heart. Thank You that it’s not shattered like the first guy did. Thank You that You are wonderful and marvelous. Thank You that there is none like You. I worship You Jesus for You are good in all times and Your mercy endures forever. I thank You Jesus for being my all in all. I love You Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Rebekah M.

A Call To Women

Aug4

So, I’ll come right out and say it – my roommate and I are almost dating. I say ‘almost’ because we are compatible in almost every way, except he’s still spiritually a bit young. But when I ask God if it’s ok to date, He says ‘not yet.’ He doesn’t say no, He just tells me to wait.

So that’s what I’ve been doing. And Jesus has been seriously protecting me. When we first started talking, conversations were very flirty and always seemed to go in a decidedly lusty direction. I prayed heavily over that, to the point of almost not coming here. In true amazing fashion, God must have worked in his heart because once I moved here, the lusty part of our dynamic has all but disappeared. Jesus is protecting His daughter and bride, and I am so grateful to that. I have not been perfect during the whole year I’ve lived here. But Jesus has definitely done some pre-emptive damage control.

At least, I think I’m grateful. Well, of course I am. But still, some worldly insecure-girl part of me is thinking “what’d I do wrong? Why doesn’t he want me anymore?” Thankfully, that’s not at the forefront of my mind too often. However, it hit me square in the face today. I was cleaning out his closet (hasn’t been touched in decades, though plenty has been thrown up on the shelf in there) and what do I find? Old pictures of bikkini photo shoots, old pictures of spring break, pictures of porn stars (signed! and thanking him for the ‘great night’), all kinds of swimsuit calendars, and pictures of ex girlfriends in various stages of clothing….or lack thereof. The clincher: he didn’t want to get rid of a single one of these.

Now, I had two thoughts about this. One was “Jesus how amazing are you that you took this man, who is clearly so driven by worldly desires, and tempered his heart so that we wouldn’t face as much temptation together?” But that part of me that still belongs to my Babylon, the part of me that wants to live up to worldly standards surfaced stronger. That part of me once defined my self-identity….and that part of me was saying today “here’s proof of desire, he likes this stuff and I used to be queen of this stuff….so what’s so wrong with me now that he doesn’t want that with me?” That line of thinking of course brought me nothing but insecurity and tears for a chunk of the afternoon.

Then, while texting with my prayer partner, it hit me. This is not a slap in the face. This is not meant to dangle a carrot in front of my face and show me what I can no longer participate in. All these beautiful women are not meant to set a standard for me to fall into. God is allowing them, and allowing them in the house, so that I have a chance to practice what I preach. I have a chance to stare my Babylon in the face and shed it anyway. I have a chance to be like the women in Timothy, and be so markedly different from the current trend that people look at my life and wonder what I AM living for, since it’s certainly not for those worldly things. Yes, we as women all want to be desired. Sure. But we have to be careful of the kind of desire we want to attract. Here I have a chance to be a Christian example to a person who needs one. And I’m squandering it – all because I’m upset that I’m not being lusted over? I’m not supposed to have anything to do with lust anyway! It’s so silly to be wasting such a golden chance – a chance essentially handed to me on a platter – to grow in God over some petty worldly, temporary, and flatout wrong desire.

Luckily, I caught myself and submitted it to Jesus. I can’t wait to see how He works in me from here! How much of a spiritual leap will my heart make when I stare those things down, and emerge as righteous? When I recognize that until Jesus hands me an earthly substitute, my only husband and love interest is Him.

I apologize to you all for the graphic nature of this post. I just feel like it’s such a hidden issue. Because lust is so clearly a sin, people rarely discuss struggling with it. And for women, especially young or unmarried women who are still navigating the dating scene, the insecurity of avoiding it in a sex-filled society can be tough. ESPECIALLY for women who used to follow those trends and had to shed them to follow Jesus. So I’m risking a few dropped jaws and head shakes, and bringing it up. And I’m issuing a call to all women everywhere who are struggling with this, to stand with me. As the women in Timothy had to set themselves apart from society and stand separately, so must we stand and let ourselves be marked as God’s and God’s alone. We must shed that part of ourselves that wants to be wanted the way all the other girls are – we must hold those thoughts captive and submit them and let God take their place. So let’s submit it and stand together!

God bless!

~Rebekah A