Song Of the Day: Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin

Aug3

I think many of us have a hard time seeing our worth. I know the other two Rebekah’s have admitted to this in the past and I know for myself it can be especially true at certain moments. I’ve seen how self-doubt and insecurity has chained me in the past from moving forward towards the wonders that God has in store for me and yet, when I just give it all to Him, He still makes things work out.

Those things from my past are gone.

Those things in YOUR past, dear reader, are gone when You just give it over to Christ.

I don’t know who this post is for, but I so strongly believe that God wants someone out there to see what He’s been saying to me all week: we can be made new in Him!!

Let the things of your past fall away as you learn to give God the things of your past and let them fall away. Our hopes and dreams are secure in Him if we would just trust Him to help us meet it fearlessly. We should never go through life thinking we are invincible on our own, but we should have a Godly confidence that regardless of our faults, God is enough to make up the difference. Regardless as what we see as things that mar our beauty, we are perfect in His sight when we come before Him in the beauty of sincerity and holiness.

Someone out there suffering from past hurts- let them go!!! Let God take them!!! He is able! My life is a living testimony of having had someone rip my heart to shreds and finding in Jesus- not another man, nor a career, nor anything else this world tries to offer- everything I needed!! I’m sure there are those who have suffered so much more than I have and yet everything in me screams that HE IS ABLE. There is NOTHING that He cannot handle- even your deepest pains and scars. Look to Him and find the healing you’ve been seeking today.

I normally don’t do this but if you would, say this prayer with me as you read this:

Jesus,

I come before You in brokenness and in my shame. I am nothing without You. Heal me from the things of my past. Take away the feelings of worthlessness and pain. Forgive me for my past sins. Make me a mosaic- a masterpiece created from the broken. Fused so completely that people no longer see the process of breaking it took to create it- only the beauty of the finished product. Lord, heal me so much that I am able to become a light to those who follow after and are looking for what You have to offer. Jesus, I give it all to You now and I thank You for Your goodness and mercy. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (Ps. 23:6). I worship You Jesus. I thank You Lord for Your healing power. I love You Jesus with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

All Things In Him

Jul21

And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. ~ Colossians 1:17 KJV

And he is before all things, and by him all things are held together. ~ Colossians 1:17 NKJV

It sometimes feels like a struggle for my new boyfriend and I to find our way but it’s been interesting to see how things are playing out. We are so attracted to each other and so it creates a struggle to be good. I know, I know this coming from the girl who was all “not going to kiss again until my wedding day” but it seems that it’s sometimes a toss up between “I can’t wait to see you to hug you as we pray together” and “I can’t wait to see you and I hope I get a kiss!” And although I have some friends and family who read this and actually know who I am, I feel like transparency is important here (so I guess my parents are going to find this out this way unless I call them up and directly tell them…) for you the reader- so here it is: we kissed already. It was so wonderful that he told me he wouldn’t dump me if we didn’t kiss but that mixed with all the wonderfulness that he is combined to make it so that I failed in the “not kissing” thing.

So here I am, past the point of where I said I wouldn’t go but yet wondering… what does this mean? When you cross that line, even when it’s not technically a sin, does that mean it is a sin? I know His Word says to me it is because that was my conviction and yet here I sit, struggling, trying to find the balance since it’s not for so many people- why the unfair standard and now that I’ve failed does it still hold?

These are the truths I do know:

– He is forgiving and loves me

– His grace is sufficient to sustain me

– My new boyfriend and I do try to keep Jesus in the middle- he was sick and I just prayed for him over the phone not too long ago

And so here I sit, wondering where do I go from here. The struggle between higher standards and “living the norm.” When he doesn’t hold the same conviction where does that leave us? He’s still into Jesus and a good guy but how to bring it all together? Pray for me dear readers as I continue on this journey. More than once I’ve asked God if He wanted me to dump this guy since it would be easier (in certain respects) to just leave him so that I don’t have any temptation to go the wrong way when it comes to purity (even up to the higher standard of not kissing) and He keeps telling me that I have to “see things out.” That’s all He tells me. It’s frustrating but I just know that this journey with this new guy is definitely of Him… but are we going to stay in Him, bring each other down, or help each other go higher in Him?

Jesus,

Here I sit in Panera asking You now to stay strong in my relationship with my new boyfriend. We are so easily distracted by how attracted we are to each other but I know that we both want You in this. His attraction for me grows every time I talk about You or we pray together. I see him as a gift from You. He feels like a Boaz for my life, but it’s amazing just how much I feel like I oscillate between You and potentially falling away when I’m with him. It reminds me every time that I’m human- I’m fallible. I thank You for giving us both strength to not fall into that sin but we need You to help us continue on that road when we meet up again next week. Lord, protect us as we learn more about each other from falling into things we shouldn’t. Maybe I’m blowing things out of proportion but I don’t think I am… it’s little slips at a time that can cause people to unknowingly fall down into a cavern. Help us Jesus- I want to continue to keep loving You with everything within me. Let it be that if we keep You the center, You will hold us together.

Rebekah M.

Song of the Day: I Press by Fred Hammond

Jun16

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. ~James 5:16

Clearly I’ve been on a musical kick lately.

One of the things I love about this walk with Jesus is that He gives us people who can help us along our walk. Although I’m sure Rebekah A is not having an easy time with her struggle with her Babylon, I am SO proud of her being so transparent. Openly admitting our faults is a biblical principal and I’m glad that she doesn’t want to hide this side of her. I have a Babylon of my own, we all do- but it is how we respond that means everything. Will you give in to your weaknesses or will you seek after Him who can give you the strength to overcome? Will you confess you faults with a prayer partner and pray with them over this or will you allow it to grow in the dark closets of your life until you can no longer contain it?

Make that choice now with me to continue to press on towards Jesus regardless of how hard this road may seem.

Between trying to restart working out regularly, studying for boards, and having my heart tug at keeping God first, I just wish I could get away and have a retreat with just Jesus and I. I want to press forward towards Him. I want Him in all that I do and yet why does it seem that back when I was in such deep intense pain from the break up it was so much easier to seek Him continually than it is now? He hasn’t changed so I guess that means I have but that’s a tough pill to swallow. I want to say I’m transformed from my trial and yet some of my old habits are falling back into my life- too much time on hulu.com and too little time in prayer. Even if I do have moments of prayer, it isn’t like when I was praying 4-6hrs every day. I was so in tune with Him that things I prayed literally would answered in just a few hours because God was telling me what to pray for.

With all these things there are also fears and concerns that hover in the background. I will say that since my Ziklag (as this week I have taken to calling my breakup), I am much less afraid of things as I used to be but questions are still there… Who am I supposed to date next where the relationship will encourage us to grow more in Him? Where am I moving next, what church am I attending there? When will I find enough time to study for the boards as I need to? Why don’t I have any motivation to study? What else am I missing in my life? What can I cultivate within myself now to become more of a Proverbs 31 kind of woman? The questions could continue…

Lord Jesus,

Takes these fears and distractions away and just work Your Will in my life. Help me leave my own Babylons and just press forward towards Your calling for my life. Help me to keep You continually in the center. If there is someone You want to bring into my life so be it since You know how much I want to give my heart away, but help me to keep it in Your hands always. In my time of pain, You showed me that it should be You who cradles our hearts and in Your timing You will take another’s heart and put us together so that we are not only one, but also fully covered on all sides by Your hands. Help me to just focus on You instead of my fears/concerns and press on towards You. I love You Jesus with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

I’m not exactly crazy about the video itself but this was the only one on youtube with the song

Song of the Day: Say It by Britt Nicole

Jun14

I’ve been finding as part of my transformation, I take in things as I go. Driving used to be a hassle of just getting to where I need to go but now I look at the beautiful mountains and rivers along the way. Not only does it make the time more enjoyable, but I find myself thanking Jesus for this beautiful world of His. I have tried to worry less and just put it all in His hands and even the other day on the way to the Dr’s office I prayed for all green lights and truly, God got me there just on time. I still struggle with Babylons too, I still fail to reach all my daily goals, but it seems that by releasing everything to God and just trying to keep being His hands, feet, and mouth in this world, His grace has taken me to a place of floating through a charmed life (even if I still have problems, it doesn’t feel like it as much because I KNOW my Father will take care of it). I freely give Him all the glory for everything that goes right in my life and He in turn freely showers blessings because He knows that I won’t lie and take the credit. I challenge you today to not only take a few minutes to just look around and see God’s beauty in something- flowers, the pretty street you live on if you’re so lucky, an unexpected smile from a stranger- but to also try to find something to praise Him openly for and tell someone. See how it transforms your life.

Thank You Jesus for all that You do for me. My life with its ups and downs feels charmed at times and I love You all the more for that blessing. I love You Jesus with all my heart.

~Rebekah M.

Stuck in the Babylon Dungeon

Jun13

I’m going to cut right to the chase here. I’ve been struggling lately – a lot -with my personal Babylon (If you don’t get the Babylon reference, I first posted about it here). I’ll even tell you what it is: it starts with an ‘s’ and rhymes with ‘Rex’. See, before I really knew Jesus, I defined myself by my sexuality. Am I proud of it? No. Of course not. But it was a big part of me nonetheless.

Now, I am having a hard time redefining myself without that part of my past in the equation. Today I realized that part of me is clinging to my past because I’m simply not ready to let it go. I know that God has a new identity waiting for me, and all I need to do is claim it and walk in it, but for some reason I’m just not ready to. I’ve been choosing my Babylon and choosing to dwell in my past instead of choosing God. I know that my future as God’s heir will be shaped by my submission, and that my walk will be exponentially closer with Him. And yet, I can’t bring myself to break that final chain.

To my mind, this is not ok. If i were as Kingdom-minded as I want to be, my desires would be God’s desires; instead, my desire is shutting God out.

So it’s time to reclaim myself in God. It’s time to get myself refocused on my Father, and get myself grounded again in my walk with Him. To that end, tomorrow (Thursday) I’ll be starting a time of fasting and prayer to get myself back on track.

I am using my transparency today partly because I have a theory that we should be open. If we’re living right, our lives are a testimony. If we’re making mistakes, we leave ourselves open to support and prayer to get back on track. Fear of how we’ll look in the face of our mistakes or fear of judgement or people’s opinions isn’t a godly fear, I don’t think. Rather I think it’s a fear based on pride, and none of us need to go down that road. So choosing to be open about my mistakes, and come what may I’m trusting in God to use my walk – flaws and all.

The other reason I’m posting about it is to invite you to join me in fast and prayer. Believe me, I could use all the prayer I can get! But if there is a chain in your own life that is keeping you down, I ask you to join me in focusing yourself on God and trusting Him to break it. Join me in submitting your Babylon, even if it’s scary being without it. It’s time to take a book out of Rebekah M’s page and repeat to ourselves “God, I want you more.” and together let’s see where that takes us.

Feel free to email me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com, and know I’ll be praying for you too! God bless!

~ Rebekah A

True Forgiveness

Jun11

“Get along with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you.” ~Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is a tricky thing. A sneaky thing, even. We know we’re supposed to give it, and give it freely. It’s our Christian duty to do so. So we do – or so we say. We try to be the bigger the person. But look at your language for a second. Do you ever refer to someone by the act they committed against you? In conversation, or even in your head? Ever think, “that girl, the one who ____”, or “<insert name here>, that ex, the one who dumped me after ______”? Think through the tough things you’ve been through in your life, and the people involved. How do you think of them now – really think of them?

See, we can’t just say the words. Forgiveness is indeed a word, and if we only forgive on the surface that’s all it will ever be. But we are called to do more than just say the words. Why? Because the Lord forgave you. Whatever you did in your past. Whatever addictions you had, whatever mistakes you’ve made, whatever you have done that even your best friends and family and partners in crime don’t know about….God knows. And He forgives you.

What does that mean? Well, if you’ve confessed to God, it means that when you go to judgement day to be held accountable for your time here on earth, there’s a lot of dirt on you that won’t actually be written down. You may even think to yourself “but what about the time I _____?” It’s not in there, because Jesus Christ washed it away with His blood. He is your Savior and this is exactly why. True forgiveness is complete, instant, and eternal. It means that the sins you’ve accrued don’t even make it into your judgement book. It means that even if you got up to heaven and asked God Himself “what about the time I ____?”, He’d say “what are you talking about?” He washes you clean the instant you repent and confess. He can restore innocence. He can’t take away consequences of your actions…..but He can forgive them. And once He does, they don’t come back to haunt you.

Is that the level of forgiveness we freely give to others? All the time? I doubt it. But you can. And here’s how. Instead of just saying to yourself, ‘I forgive ____’, say it to God. Search your life and your heart for old wounds, even when they involve people you’ve thought you’ve forgiven. Then, name those people to God. Literally say the words. “I forgive _____. God, I forgive them, in the precious name of Jesus, I forgive them now. You forgave me when I didn’t deserve it, and I will not deny it from someone else. I won’t fall into that trap. I forgive them with all my heart and soul.” Take it a step further and tell God what the situation was, and tell Him outright that you’re letting it go now because the time for forgiveness has come. By the way, don’t worry about speaking formally, or quoting me verbatim if you have a different way to say it. Don’t worry about feeling or sounding cheesy – you don’t. These words are beautiful in God’s ears, and you are made by Him. So the feelings you feel and the way you pray and speak to Him…..you’re only being who He made you to be. So talk to Him freely.

Anyway, I put this forgiveness thing to the test the other day. Some of the things I dredged up I thought were already forgiven and dealt with. Some were years old. Some even required me to forgive myself. And the coolest part was, as soon as I said the words to God that I was letting go and in faith and obedience to Him I was forgiving, He gave the strength to do it. When I told Him that I forgave, He lifted the hurt away. It was gone. It was like it never happened. I literally felt lighter.

I can’t speak for what God will do all the time, but I do know that the freedom I feel now is worth trying for. Don’t settle for superficial forgiveness. Don’t settle for a life that still has you wrestling with your past in weak moments. Forgive others and forgive yourself. And do it on a soul-deep level. Bring God into it, and He will help you to take it beyond the words. For me, I think what I meant when I said to God “I forgive” was that I wanted to forgive and was ready to let it go. But He honestly did the rest. He helped share the emotional load and He helped with the actual forgiveness part. It was like handing God the keys to the garbage truck and watching Him drive away the junk, leaving me new and clean and fresh. It was amazing. And so I beg you to try it. Please. And if you want any extra prayer support, email me at being.rebekah.a@gmail.com. Everyone needs extra prayer support, right?

To every reader of this blog: put God to the test in this area, let your past go, and feel the lightness and growth and closeness to God that comes instantly afterwards. When you truly let go, you’ll get a glimpse of how deep your own salvation is in God’s eyes. I pray that you get to feel that. God bless, and know that I am praying for each and every one of you to find true forgiveness and peace, for others in your life and also for yourself.

~Rebekah A

Desperate

Jun10

And it came to pass, when David and his men were come to Ziklag on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the south, and Ziklag, and smitten Ziklag, and burned it with fire; And had taken the women captives, that were therein: they slew not any, either great or small, but carried them away, and went on their way. So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives. Then David and the people that were with him lifted up their voice and wept, until they had no more power to weep. ~ I Samuel 30: 1-4

Tonight at church the preacher spoke of when we are in a place of desperation. It is there that we find out what we are made of. It is there that we are tested the most.

This made me think of (for those of you who have been keeping up with my posts I’m sure you know what’s coming) the whole situation with my ex dumping me. It was in that time where my heart was ripped to shreds that I turned to God in prayer and fasting like I never had before. It is there that I found Jesus to be more real, loving, and amazing than I had ever imagined. It is then that I found out that when my world was falling apart, instead of running away from things or even just taking a while to trust God (like I had in the past), I had grown enough to turn to Jesus with EVERYTHING in me and be transformed by Him.

God doesn’t do things by accident. Today with its preaching happened for a reason. Yes, I still struggle occasionally with my Babylon but even the preaching this morning addressed that by putting safeguards in your life and continually seeking God to help you, it is nothing like those that God gives up to a reprobate mind. It is nothing like those who say “I’m sinning and I love living in it even if it’s sending me to hell.” Then, as I journeyed through this day and sought Him more, and gave Him my life again and resubmitted things to Him, this sermon happened. And it just says to me that God is about to turn the tides in my life. I put something in His hands and right after service I already got what could be a sign in reply. Is it all for certain? No. But I spoke to my promises in Jesus name and I know something happened. God is good!

What a mighty God we serve! If you are at a Ziklag today- in the worst trial of your life where you feel like everything you own and everyone you love was taken away… turn to God and find that He is faithful and will carry you through this tough time. The bible says that David encouraged himself in the Lord (even when his men wanted to kill him and everything he owned and loved was stolen from him) and in the end he recovered all and then some! God WILL come to your aid!

Thank You Jesus that in our Ziklags, we can encourage ourselves in You and in Your timing and when we truly turn to You, we can recover all and then some. I love You Jesus with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

Spiritual Enema

Apr27

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. ~ Psalm 51:10

I find it interesting that one of the leading causes of abdominal pain in children is constipation. They’ll hold it in for one reason or another until it becomes impacted. Then they have to get their system cleaned out and taught healthier habits to try to prevent this in the future. One of the parts of this treatment is enemas. Although I have never had to have one before, it does NOT sound like a fun experience although it is incredibly important to do so in children with impacted fecal matter in their intestines. For those who don’t know, essentially liquid is injected into the rectum and colon and it causes contractions of the intestines and makes the patient have a bowel movement very shortly thereafter.

Lately, I’ve been feeling God call me back to another “spiritual enema.” I feel like my time of prolonged fasting (9 weeks total with about a week off in the middle) was one of the major ones that I’ve had before and when I emerged from it things were SO different. To this day there are still shows that I can no longer watch on Hulu because the content disgusts me in a way that it never had before. Things that I dismissed as “normal” I could no longer allow my spirit to come in contact with because God spoke to my heart on an intimate level and He did not want to share the privilege of my attention with things of such nature- adultery, lying, backstabbing, fornication, witchcraft and more.

I have fallen away from praying 3 times a day and I feel Him calling me back to it. I need to make Him first so that I can stay consistent in Him even when He brings the things into my life that He knows I want most. There are so many dreams in my heart and even after I gave them to Him, some things He gave back with an even stronger desire. However, for now, He is calling me to re-clean out myself. To in essence do another spiritual enema in which fasting, prayer, and reading His Word purge me of the excrement of the world that I’m holding within me- things watched on hulu, bitterness, anger, maybe even a hint of hatred for things of my past.

Whether or not I’m ready to date again… it can wait for me and God to get back to the footing we were on before… if not even further.

Jesus,

I know that some of what I’ve written seems disgusting because of the analogy I’ve used but I feel like this is truly how You view some of the things we allow into our hearts and minds. I’m sorry for some of the things I’ve been watching and listening to on hulu. I’m sorry for anything that I’ve been doing that has taken my heart away from You. Help me Lord as I purge myself of the things of this world yet once again. Show me how You want me to do this and when I should do what. I praise You and I worship You for being my God and Savior. I love You Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Rebekah M.

Fun fact: this is post 101 🙂

Separating Myself (aka Leaving Babylon part 2)

Feb17

Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you ~ II Corinthians 6:17

Last night and today I fought with my personal Babylon again. I find it interesting that there are times where we go into a testing mode. When everything was falling apart, I buried myself in Christ and found Him to be more perfect, wonderful, loving, and forgiving than I had ever imagined.

Lately, however, I feel like He’s calling me to interact a little more with the world. For over 2 months, I went to work then came home and prayed, or listened to preaching, or prayed some more. I fasted so much I lost 15 lbs after YEARS of not being able to do that! God was transforming who I was and what I did… and I am still a new creature but I feel like He wants me to be a light as well. It is a fine line though- how to be a city on a hill and yet not hide my light under a bushel? How do I be IN the world but not OF the world?

Tonight my pastor taught and reiterated the importance of being separate and it really struck a cord in me. A big part of my Babylon is because I secretly want to fit in, to be like others. When my ex and I were dating, we’d say we weren’t doing anything wrong b/c we knew of other couples who had done similar things and they were fine (ministers in the church etc.). However, when God says “this is your personal Babylon” you MUST obey!!! I wish that I had just listened to Him from the beginning. Again, no we didn’t do THAT and yet I always wanted my future husband to know that he was my first everything- even my first kiss.

When God calls us to be separate- sometimes above and beyond what He’s requiring of others- there’s a reason for it. So many people told me I was crazy for wanting to hold on to my first kiss and yet now, I regret ever giving it away. I regret that whomever I marry, he’ll get some firsts… but not all of them as I had always wanted. We need to be separate but it’s for a reason- our protection. My heart breaks at the thought that I’ll have to confess a bit to my future Isaac that I’m not always as loving and sweet as people think. I’m secretly evil. The phoenix (as explained in a previous post) was briefly unleashed and luckily God saved me from myself but the damage done will be remembered for a lifetime. Although God fixed me, He didn’t take the memories away. I hope I am never again that girl who was crying at the drop of a hat, easily upset, and allowing herself to be yelled on a fairly consistent basis typically over ridiculous things (going to the gym, eating food at McDonalds, not being awake enough on the phone late at night…). However, next time, when God says build a wall- I’m going to do it and not tear it down!!!

God calls us to leave our Babylons behind us… so that we can move forward towards Him. If you aren’t separating yourself from the things of this world, you’ll only be enticed to return back to your Babylon. We need to learn how to separate ourselves and turn ourselves into a city on a hill- ones with walls of holiness and a heart to seek God on all things. That our light may shine bright in this cold, dark world and those who are seeking refuge might easily find where the answer to their problems lie- in Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior and the One and only True God.

Dear Reader,

I pray that you and I both not only leave our Babylons behind, but move forward into becoming a city on a hill for Jesus. May you pray and listen to Him to find out what bricks to use, how high your walls should be and where your weaknesses are so that He might fortify you. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven (Matthew 5:16).

God bless you,
Rebekah M.