Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. ~James 5:16
Clearly I’ve been on a musical kick lately.
One of the things I love about this walk with Jesus is that He gives us people who can help us along our walk. Although I’m sure Rebekah A is not having an easy time with her struggle with her Babylon, I am SO proud of her being so transparent. Openly admitting our faults is a biblical principal and I’m glad that she doesn’t want to hide this side of her. I have a Babylon of my own, we all do- but it is how we respond that means everything. Will you give in to your weaknesses or will you seek after Him who can give you the strength to overcome? Will you confess you faults with a prayer partner and pray with them over this or will you allow it to grow in the dark closets of your life until you can no longer contain it?
Make that choice now with me to continue to press on towards Jesus regardless of how hard this road may seem.
Between trying to restart working out regularly, studying for boards, and having my heart tug at keeping God first, I just wish I could get away and have a retreat with just Jesus and I. I want to press forward towards Him. I want Him in all that I do and yet why does it seem that back when I was in such deep intense pain from the break up it was so much easier to seek Him continually than it is now? He hasn’t changed so I guess that means I have but that’s a tough pill to swallow. I want to say I’m transformed from my trial and yet some of my old habits are falling back into my life- too much time on hulu.com and too little time in prayer. Even if I do have moments of prayer, it isn’t like when I was praying 4-6hrs every day. I was so in tune with Him that things I prayed literally would answered in just a few hours because God was telling me what to pray for.
With all these things there are also fears and concerns that hover in the background. I will say that since my Ziklag (as this week I have taken to calling my breakup), I am much less afraid of things as I used to be but questions are still there… Who am I supposed to date next where the relationship will encourage us to grow more in Him? Where am I moving next, what church am I attending there? When will I find enough time to study for the boards as I need to? Why don’t I have any motivation to study? What else am I missing in my life? What can I cultivate within myself now to become more of a Proverbs 31 kind of woman? The questions could continue…
Takes these fears and distractions away and just work Your Will in my life. Help me leave my own Babylons and just press forward towards Your calling for my life. Help me to keep You continually in the center. If there is someone You want to bring into my life so be it since You know how much I want to give my heart away, but help me to keep it in Your hands always. In my time of pain, You showed me that it should be You who cradles our hearts and in Your timing You will take another’s heart and put us together so that we are not only one, but also fully covered on all sides by Your hands. Help me to just focus on You instead of my fears/concerns and press on towards You. I love You Jesus with all my heart.
I’m not exactly crazy about the video itself but this was the only one on youtube with the song
So the latest update on my situation with that guy:
I replied by only sending the passage about A Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31) and he replied by saying that was referring to being a wife and not a doctor. My frustration grew and I quickly prayed and gave it to God. As I continued to pray, I felt Him give me the verse “The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord.” I told Jesus I would send it when the time was right. By the time I got on facebook again, it was the next day and he had sent another message. He said he realized the biggest problem was that my situation confused him and thus could not be the Will of God because God is not the God of confusion. I responded with only that verse that Jesus gave me during my prayer the night before.
His response was that surely, he wasn’t the only one confused by my situation. I told him he was and that God cares about even our professions because He wants to put us in the perfect place to be the most effect witness that we can be.
He has yet to respond.
Although part of me is relieved that I no longer am dealing with his accusations, part of me hopes that all this will be used by Jesus to show this guy that EVERYTHING can have a purpose when submitted to Jesus. I had said to him that I could be a witness both to those who hear my praises to Jesus for helping me on this hard path as well as to my patients who trust me with their health to point the way to Christ on a level that a stranger on the street could never do. I hope he takes that thought to heart. Jobs don’t have to just be a job- it can be a divine appointment.
Side note: I passed my exams and am now one year closer to completing medical school!! Thank You Jesus!! 🙂
So I once again received yet another message from that same guy… this one read:
The Lord has already called us. We are called to the high calling of Christ. The Lord as he has stated in his word called us to be saints which is the highest calling there is. he wouldn’t call us to be something else. Being a saint of God is the most high calling there is and there is nothing else in the world that comes even close to that calling. If you are baptized in Jesus Name and filled with the Holy Ghost he has already chosen our profession and that is to serve him and labor for him. He wouldn’t chose something else for us because he has already chosen for us what he wants us to do with our lives. There is no where in scripture does it say that the Lord chooses our worldly profession or careers because quite frankly he has already chosen us for his work.
Your choice of doing what you are doing with your life as you have stated yourself has interfered with your relationship with the Lord and the Lord is interested in the saving of our souls and he would not chose something for our lives as you have stated that would have any effect on that as you have stated. It would take us to a higher place in God and draw us nearer to him.
The scripture also says the woman is to be the keeper at home. Women are not to work outside the home. That is the man’s responsibility not the woman’s.
I say all this to say there is no way you are in the will of God. God is about saving souls and that’s it and doesn’t chose one to be a doctor, another to be a lawyer, or another to be a police officer. He has already chosen what he want’s us to do with our lives and it is our choice whether we do that or not and I say again he wouldn;t choose us to be even a doctor because what he has chosen for our lives already is far far greater than even being a doctor.
So in this guy’s mind a) God will not call people to be doctors- ever b) a woman should stay in the home and only the home
To these concepts my soul cries out:
a) we are all called for a purpose and yes it is to reach those who don’t know Jesus but we can also have “worldly professions” that God can use- Luke was a doctor! Paul was tent maker! JESUS HIMSELF WAS A CARPENTER! When you pray so much over something and ask Him to open or close the doors and believe with all your heart that He will do just that, than how can one deny God’s hand in their path? More than once I’ve asked Him to close this door if He wants and yet it stays open- even when others have tried to shut it! In my book- God places us in the jobs that we’re at (when we actively seek Him to) for us to be in the ideal places to reach those that no one else can.
b) The bible DOES actually speak of a woman working outside the home… in Proverbs 31!!! It states she considers a field and buys it (and they didn’t have internet back then to do it virtually or even a telephone to call!). With her hands she plants a vineyard (last I knew, people don’t have a vineyard in their house)! If that doesn’t say she works… I’m not sure what does!
The thing that frustrates me the most, however, is the fact that this person who does not know me, has taken it upon himself to tell me I’m out of the will of God. But I need to just work on focusing on Jesus and my own walk with God and forget him as well as anyone else who thinks they have a right to judge me.
As April fast approaches I find myself unsure of what to do. For weeks I anticipated the month rolling in and being super excited and ready to start my new dating life. Although there are two really wonderful guys in my life right now (and they know about each other and that I don’t know who I want to win more yet), it seems there are a few who are trying to throw their hat in the race and I just don’t know. I genuinely like these two front runners but which to choose? What if they’re like pappa and mamma bear porridge? What I’m looking for but something’s just a little off? How will I even know since right now both seem like pretty good choices?
In times like these I feel like the only thing I can do is let God figure it out for me. He told me back in February that they’d sort themselves all out and so I just have to trust that they will. When I come to a fork in the road (or perhaps MANY forks in the road haa haa) I want to choose NOW and not deviate and just keep pushing forward. As one of the guys is discovering, I’m incredibly stubborn. It’s a good thing when it comes to things that are commitments (such as finishing up medical school), but bad when flexibility is necessary.
Talking with some of the girls from church last night, it really made me recommit the idea of looking for an Isaac. I truly do want a man who loves and trust God so much that he’d willingly lay down his life at his Father’s command. As Isaac was a foreshadowing for Christ when he obeyed his father and got on the alter, so should our husbands be a reflection of Christ in our life (as we are to be of the church).
Isaac was also known as a well digger. I want a man so full of Jesus that everyone around him is uplifted just being around him. I want his life to so reflect Christ that he becomes a well to those around him who are seeking God’s everlasting water. I need a man who is so full of Christ that more than just patiently waiting for me to work through my fears (like my ex tried to do at first), he’d lead me in prayer when I have fears. It has always been my deepest fear that any guy who gets close to me will suddenly think I’m ugly and horrific (on the inside and out). Interestingly enough, when it would seem my ex did just that, instead I feel like he just ran away because of his own fears.
The question needs to be asked then… am I the Rebekah that a man like that is looking for? Have I allowed good fruits to be cultivated within myself (with God as the gardener)? Am I becoming a Proverbs 31 woman? Will my future children call me blessed and my future husband praise me?
I ask You now to help me once again lay these guys in Your hands. I don’t know who is better suited for me. I keep wondering if they’re going to just ditch me like my ex did. I keep waiting for them to just leave me in their dust as unwanted trash. Alay my fears and help me just focus on my daily tasks. Renew in me my commitment to growing in You and in becoming the kind of woman that the kind of man I’m looking for wants. I need Your strength, I need Your wisdom, I need Your help, I need You. I love You Jesus with all my heart.