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The Visions: Part 3

This is part of an email that was sent to my parents by a prophet (who calls my dad uncle because in the Chinese culture anyone your father’s age is an “uncle”) in another country before I wrote what I did in Praying Monday: Press On but they didn’t receive it until afterwards. In it there were three visions. After they confronted me the next day about these visions, I wrote A Daddy’s ChastisementThe Visions: Part One was posted 2/14/13. I was messing up- unofficially in a relationship with a guy who didn’t know God and worse yet, doing things that I shouldn’t with him. Not THAT, but still wrong in God’s eyes. People, some even in church, told me it wasn’t bad or wrong so long as it wasn’t THAT, but God’s standards are not our standards.  I pray that in revealing these visions the prophet had of me, those of you who might be contemplating going down the same road are warned and those who have been there encouraged that God loves you even when what He saw you do this:

HPIM0322.JPGThird picture He show me was I see your daughter she go in the church. She  very happy worship God in the church. The man comes. He sit beside at church. Sudden church seem to bright. Air uncomfortable. The man hurts her. She go to another seat. She worship God. Another man come sit next to her. And church is become too warm. Uncomfortable. This man hurts her too. She go out the church. A man call to her from shade. She go over. Is very cool in shade. Is not too bright. Is fresh air. Everything is better with him. She need decide, lead him in to church or stay in cool shade with him. She know she should lead him in to church, but she remember how inside was so uncomfortable. She feel much better outside. So she stay outside in nice cool shade. And is nice outside for awhile. Then the shade sudden become very dark. The nice cool shade become cold darkness! Dark as night. The storm come. She try to get out of storm. She try run to church. She not can open the door. She not can get inside. The poison inside her make her to weak to open door. 

The bold letters are the prophet’s formatting.  He then urged my parents to pray for me before it was too late and I was too weak to open the door. Given that it’s been over 2 months since this all happened, it’s still flooring to see how God did everything.  I have been trying to lead this guy to Christ. I have made my choice. With tears streaming down my face I told him that he was what I wanted, but not what I needed.  I needed a praying man. I needed a man who knew as much as I did (and would teach our future children) that Jesus loves us beyond words. He loves us so much that He died for our sins.  He’s even said he would read John chapters 1-3 with an open mind (although I’m not 100% sure how well that will turn out since he isn’t sure when he’ll find the time just some vague… “eventually”).

Regardless… Praise God! Praise God that He had this sent before it was too late. Before I was so full of poison that I couldn’t get back to Him. Praise God that what was one of my most mortifying moments in my life brought about one of the greatest blessings in my life: nightly family prayer 🙂  I don’t know if this guy will ever stop walking the line, but I know that I can’t date him and think it won’t affect me.  The detail in this is incredible. He didn’t know of my exes and yet plain as day- both were “in church” and yet both hurt me badly. Drove me away from looking for guys in the church- especially when the guy outside is SO much nicer than them.  But those were only two guys and don’t represent all guys in the church- God’s shown me that in the time since.  I just have to keep waiting on Him, being a light, and seeing where God takes things 🙂

Jesus, 

Thank You once again for saving me. Thank You for bringing the visions to my parents attention before it was too late.  Thank You Lord! Thank You Jesus! I praise You and I thank You! I love You Jesus! 

Rebekah M. 

Related Posts:

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/28/praying-monday-pressing-on/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/29/a-daddys-chastisement/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/14/the-visions-part-1/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/28/the-visions-part-2/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/05/02/the-visions-loved-like-gomer-was/

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Prayer Monday: The Prayer Wheel- Our Debts

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heavenGive us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. 

~Matthew 6:9-13

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This week we continue with the prayer wheel. We started off with worship, asked for His Will to be done, asked Him to provide our daily needs, and now we ask Him to forgive us as we forgive others.  This is no small order.  If we are to be forgiven of our sins, we must forgive those who have wronged us in the past.  I know that for the longest time my Ex and his friends held me back so much because I just couldn’t forgive them. The gossip, the pain they all inflicted- people who claimed Christ and yet had been very un-Christ-like in their actions towards me. I was bitter (as I wrote about just recently in another post) and it hindered me from the blessings of God. This past Sunday the pastor spoke of how if we stick around the memorials of the past “in the wilderness,” we will never “cross over the Jordan into the Promised Land (promises of God).”  A profound thought.

God doesn’t want us living in the past. 

How can we expect God to forgive us if we hold grudges against others? 

God is a perfect God and He cannot move in places where anger, bitterness and hatred live. 

When you let go and forgive others, His love will come in like a flood and you will feel His amazing power heal you. 

I talked with my “sister” on Sunday about how, from now on, every time I start to “revisit the memorials of the past” that I was going to claim “I’m crossing the Jordan to my promises!!” So do it with me readers!!! Forgive those in your past and shed the weight they hold on your life! Claim your future promises every time the things of your past (and the anger, hurt, and/or bitterness) try to haunt you.  When you are looking unto Jesus and the things He has for you, you cannot help but shed the past! For in Him is all fullness of joy. In Him we find peace. In Him nothing is impossible!  Forgive those who have wronged you and find His love sweep over you as He freely forgives you of all you’ve done wrong! 🙂

Jesus, 

Thank You that Your principals are always for our good. We cannot enjoy the blessings you want for us if we are weighed down by the past. Anger, hurt, bitterness, and shame only harm the blessings You want to put into our lives.  I am learning that sometimes You withhold blessings because we are not ready to receive them yet and would only break them like a baby would if given a priceless crystal vase.  Thank You that You want to help us be ready for our blessings and will even help us forgive others if we just ask (in prayer!). You are a mighty, wonderful God and I love You so much Jesus. 

Rebekah M. 

Related posts:

Part 1: https://beingrebekah.com/2013/03/11/prayer-monday-the-prayer-wheel-part-1-praise/

Part 2: https://beingrebekah.com/2013/03/18/prayer-monday-the-prayer-wheel-his-will/

Part 3: https://beingrebekah.com/2013/04/01/prayer-monday-the-prayer-wheel-daily-needs/

Part 4: https://beingrebekah.com/2013/04/08/prayer-monday-the-prayer-wheel-our-debts/

Bitterness: A Spiritual Abscess

When something gets infected, sometimes instead of healing the right way, puss builds up in a pocket and as the pressure builds, the patient feels increasing amounts of pain. The area becomes red, hot, and can even ooze a little. Sometimes it will finally burst open.

This past winter when I was working the ER, there were multiple patients that I had to help perform an I&D on (incision and drainage- cutting it open and getting all the muck out).  The ER doctor said to me “THE definitive treatment of an abscess is an I&D. You can give them all the antibiotics you want, but unless you go in there and get that infection out, most will come back with it again.  And you can’t just cut it a little and push on it a little, you have to give it a good cut, use an instrument to break up the locules (little pockets), and really squeeze hard to make sure you get EVERYTHING out or else you’ve done nothing for them.”

When we are injured in life- be it from family, friends, people from church, or various circumstances- we either heal the right way (which can take some time), heal with deep scars, or even end up with a deep root of bitterness in our heart.  As the bitterness festers, the anger, hatred, and dark feelings grow and grow. It can overflow a little here and there but ultimately, when it is bad enough, God needs to go in and do surgery on our hearts.  He had to do so on me once before.  For those who have been following along with my journey, over a year and a half ago, my first boyfriend broke my heart to pieces and even though God did help me heal some, I had a root of bitterness that had grown in deep. The cut was so deep within my soul, and I hid it away for so long, that it took visiting my brother and sister in law in California with my parents and two guest preachers working in sync with the Spirit to get God to muck out much of it.  I wrote about the experience in a post but that was not the only time God has worked on me.

Sometimes it feels like we are being torn up from the inside out. It feels like our souls are being mucked out, pushed, prodded, and broken up in ways we never imagined. This process though, can be of God to help break up the walls that have been created that hide the infection of bitterness, anger, and hatred.  As time has gone on, God has continued to break down the walls I have against my ex and his friends.  I am MUCH improved but I know God is making me go to the city of our (and also my.. as in ever in my life) first kiss for residency to help make sure that the last walls are broken down.  I cannot be fully ready to accept my future “Isaac” unless every last wall and pocket of bitterness/anger/pain is broken down and cleaned out.

What do you have festering in your heart today? Is there anything that God needs to go in and muck out? Are there pockets hiding away in your heart built up to protect you from things in your past? Do you see that all those walls are doing only keeps pain/bitterness in your heart?  Let it go! Let God work on you! He will heal you more completely than you could ever imagine. He will bind you up with His love and give you a new heart. Just trust His process and see that He truly is the great physician!

Thank You Jesus. Thank You for Your amazing ways.  Help us be wiling to go through Your “I&Ds.” Help us trust that even if it hurts at the time, it is for our good.  I love You Jesus. 

Rebekah M. 

Related posts:

https://beingrebekah.com/2012/10/07/forgiveness-and-renewal-revisited/

Rough Day

An upright man gives thought to his ways (Proverbs 21:29)

So today was rough. I started the day with finding out I missed something on a patient that, although not fatal, was a BIG thing to miss. Nothing bad happened, but I shouldn’t have missed it. Later on, I had a huge blow when a test showed another one of my patients had a silent but potentially deadly condition. One where a person can go from looking fine to dead in just a few minutes.

It really got to me. I had instantly bonded with this patient and his wife and, although he was fine at the moment, knowing that he was so seriously ill (although it was not evident looking at him) got me to the core. Being emotionally invested in my people means that when they are hurting, I hurt. When they aren’t doing well, it makes me feel a bit like I’m not doing well. It makes me a good doctor, but it also makes me vulnerable to burnout.

Recently, another student joined my team. We start the day at the same time, work in the same office space, and typically have most of our meals together.  He’s even made it his mission to have me watch the entire series of Scrubs (all 8, not counting the fake 9th season). We essentially spend most of our day together until I pray with my family at night or go to church.

Knowing that I was so emotionally compromised today, I had a moment where I thought, “I must be careful. I am missing [the guy I just let go], I am spending LOTS of time with this guy every day, my heart is hurting for my patient, and my pride is hurt from my missing that thing yesterday. I need to be careful.”

So what did I do? I talked to a friend that I knew would lay it to me straight. Luckily, since I was preemptively seeking help, she mainly confirmed that yes, I was right to be concerned and it was good I was being mindful and careful.  Are there times where he’s flirty with me? She confirmed that yes, when he does things like taking my stethoscope from around my neck even though he had his in his pocket and taunted me about it in front of the nurses, that was flirting. But she also confirmed that that’s why it was good I was reaching out NOW, BEFORE anything was happening. The best part was that she even prayed with me and prayed over me about this.

I think I’m growing. This time with a guy who seems attracted to me but not someone I can date (since he does not believe like I do), I am seeking God in prayer. This time I am saying “Lord, I’m weak, I know that I’m vulnerable to being attracted to this guy. Help me God, help me be good. Help me not do anything wrong. Help me Jesus.”  Like the above verse in Proverbs, I feel like I am reflecting on my past and knowing that just because he’s not in church, it doesn’t mean I’m immune to his charms.  It just means that Jesus is my strength. That even on rough days, I can find comfort in Him, not in a guy’s hug (mental or physical). That even on days when I’m worried for my patients and was just reprimanded, God is good and holds me through it.  I don’t need a guy to cheer me up, just Jesus.

Thank You Lord for helping me through this rough day.  Thank You God that I didn’t turn to man (or a man in this case) but I turned to You. Thank You God that I am safe in Your arms.  Thank You Jesus for giving me strength to be good and not offer anything more than just friendship.  I praise You. I worship You. I love and adore You Jesus more than anything else and I love that I can say it and mean it!!! 

Rebekah M. 

Contemplation

thoughtful

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. ~ Isaiah 43:2

I’m going through this crazy mental time right now.  I’ve gained a few pounds the last few months and the boy is disappearing more and more from my life. I know that I’m the one who told him that I couldn’t date him. I know that I’m the one who didn’t contradict him when he said he didn’t have a pretty girl to kiss when he was down.  I know that I’m the one who said he was what I wanted, but not what I needed (because I needed a praying man).

I miss him though. He still talks to me every day, but before where it was 4 or 5 hour gap at most… it can literally be only a little in the morning or night now.  I miss feeling like he was my constant companion even when it was only via text most of the time. The niche he found for himself in my life now feels empty and a gaping hole.

Tonight, one of my guy friends texted me out of the blue to tell me about how things weren’t going well with the girl he was chasing. Said he messed up with her because he was pursuing her too much when she needed space.  This is the same guy who I said was the example of what I’m looking for in a guy.

Part of me kept wondering what in the world was wrong with her for not running towards him with all she had. Here is this amazing, Godly, thoughtful guy who truly loves Christ and she just didn’t want to date him why? because he was attentive??? I just don’t get it but all I do know is that a slight part of me wanted to be like “me! pick me! I’m here! I love Jesus just as much as you do! Open your eyes!” but… he’s never, ever offered anything besides friendship to me. I gave up on him ever thinking of me as anything beyond a friend years ago.

So here I sit, on the heels of amazing news that I passed my boards and yet my heart is still heavy…

Lord,

Help me to hope in You. I know You have all things in Your hands so help me praise You even with my heavy heart. Help me put on the garment of praise. Help me to love You with all my heart so that this stuff has no effect on me.  Shield me in Your hands. Hold me while I have a heavy heart when I should be rejoicing. Help me shed this feeling of being inadequate, of feeling like no man will find me attractive, to just re-see my worth in You again. Remind me You are walking with me in this emotional time in which things must be burned away and out of my heart.

Rebekah M.

Being Isaac: Joshua T “This Little Light of Mine”

Editor’s Note:  Our weekly guest spot is our effort to help our reading community connect with each other.  “Being Isaac” is in response to our growing number of male readers. We think it’s important that there’s a male reply to our female’s call to live in passionate pursuit of Christ. Thanks Joshua T for submitting this great, original post that challenges us all to shine for Him! 

candleWhen I was little at church, we sang a particular song. You might remember hearing it when you were a child. It is called ‘This Little Light of Mine.’ Although it’s a children song, it still contains things to teach adults. Mark 4:21-22 says, ‘And he said unto them, Is a candle brought to be put under a bushel, or under a bed? and not to be set on a candlestick? For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad.’

If you won the lottery, would you walk around and not tell anyone? Would you keep it to yourself or would you tell everyone about it? The same principle applies to Christianity. If you were saved from eternal death by Jesus’ blood, would you act like nothing is different and never share His free gift with anyone? Or would you leap with joy and proclaim to the world what God has done for you?

Many people are afraid to spread the Gospel. They are afraid of what people will think of them or of what their friends will say. I always recall this verse when I think of people that are afraid of being called a Christian. Mark 8:38 says, “Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”

We have no reason to care what other people think of us. Just look at Jesus’ life. When He came to earth to pay for our sins, He was beaten, spit upon, and called many  names but He still loved them all.

Even on the cross, Jesus says, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” (Luke 23:34)

Jesus loves us so much that He would die the most painful way imaginable for people that have sinned against Him. Think about that for a second. God, the creator of the universe, cared enough about you and wanted you to spend eternity in heaven with Him that He sent His ONLY son to die on the cross with your sins on His back.

Could you imagine having to give up your only child to save someone else? I can’t imagine the love that God must feel for us to have Jesus pay the ultimate price in my place. Jesus paid our debt.

We were bought with a price: Jesus’ blood. Therefore we are not our own. Romans 14:8 says, ‘For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s.’

Nothing can make God hate you enough to not accept you into His family as a Child of God. “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”. (John 1:12)

We owe all we are to God, yet we act as if we can do what ever we want because it is our life. It is not. If you asked American, they would tell you to do what ever you wanted. Forget about the consequences. Who do you have to answer to? The answer to that is God.  James 4:12 reads, “There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

Bavarian Village on foggy Winter Day, Sun behind Mist

We must remember that God is our Judge and He will judge us. He will bring everything to light. Our lies, our sins, our mess-ups will all be judged, but there is the good news. Because Jesus died for our sins, we can be pardoned. Isaiah 1:18 says, “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”

Many think that their sins are too bad or severe that they can not be saved. But the Bible says differently. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, ‘Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.’ It is important  to remember that even though you have sinned, as long as you have received Christ into your heart, your sins are gone. They are not there anymore.  Psalms 103:12 confirms this, “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

Will you be the light in the darkness?

Joshua T is a graphic designer in training who is seeking to glorify God in everything he does. He enjoys listening to music, such as Thousand Foot Krutch, KJ-52, and Relient K. Joshua also appreciates hanging out with his friends, and writing sermons for his bloghttp://flameministries.wordpress.com/.

Published with the permission of the author. Submit your own post at beingrebekah@outlook.com. 

 

The Visions: Part 1

This is part of an email that was sent to my parents by a prophet in another country before I wrote what I did in Praying Monday: Press On but they didn’t receive it until afterwards. In it there were three visions. After they confronted me the next day about these visions, I wrote A Daddy’s Chastisement.  I was messing up- unofficially in a relationship with a guy who didn’t know God and worse yet, doing things that I shouldn’t with him. Not THAT, but still wrong in God’s eyes. People, some even in church, told me it wasn’t bad or wrong so long as it wasn’t THAT, but God’s standards are not our standards.  I pray that in revealing these visions the prophet had of me, those of you who might be contemplating going down the same road are warned and those who have been there encouraged that God loves you even when what He saw you do this:

roadFirst picture God show me was like this: I see your daughter. She all in white. She very innocent. There is a man. He dress like gang man or something. Very terrible. She go to this man and embrace him. I am wonder why innocent girl like her will be with this kind of man. When they separate, her white dress is become dirty. He leave. She begin walk down road, and she wipe some the dirt off while she walk. But dress is not clean white like before. Down the road, she meet another man, and this one she embrace him too. This man was not seem so terrible like gang man, but it is trick because he is even more dirty than first man. When they separate, even more dirty on her dress. She walk away and try wiping dirt off her dress. Some dirt come off, but now even more dirt stay on dress. She keep walk, down road she meet another man. He looks more innocent than both the first two mans. He seem nothing to be afraid of. When she embrace him she make him more dirty and he make her more dirty. This time is goes both way because she think her dress still white, but dress is not white anymore. There is danger but she choose not to see it. They are still embrace when picture end so I never see what does dress look like when they separate. This God show me awhile ago, but I ignore.

He will have mercy when you finally turn to HIM to clean you off. This is the God who IS love itself! Although it is crazy to think that this above, being sent to my parents is the epitome of love, it is! God loved me enough to know exactly what I needed and since that day the email was sent, my family has had nightly prayer meetings over Google+ and I love it.  It has been my daily strength. It helps motivate me through the day to know I’ll have prayer at night with my family. We didn’t grow up with family prayer, but now that I have it, I know it is part of the dream of my future family.  What a legacy that would be from my parents if that really does happen in my life!sepiathug

I digress, back to the point- things I learned are the following:

a) God doesn’t want us messing around, even if it’s not THAT.

b) He saw into the heart of even a guy who was on the platform of a church and still, still he called him a “gang man”… we must be careful of who we choose to date EVEN IN CHURCH for just because they claim Christ, it does not mean they truly follow Him or are known to Him

c) what love! what compassion! what heartache my Lord, my God… my LOVE must feel for me! (and you too dear readers!!! Jesus’ heart is big enough to love you as much as He does me!!! which is INFINITE AMOUNTS!) He was warning me to be careful of my path, He wants me safe and secure in HIM, not clinging to men who don’t deserve me or are not right for me.

d) we can be too secure in our “salvation” and “righteousness” when really… it is HIS righteousness, HIS grace and HIS BLOOD that cleans us and washes us white as snow.  He’s shown me so much love and compassion in the last two weeks that I cannot say it all… what a wonderful, mighty God who’s true grace and mercy I have experienced over the last two weeks more than I ever have before. Thank You wonderful Jesus for Your saving grace!!!

Dear Reader, 

If you have never come to Christ before, I encourage you now to just drop it all and seek after Christ.  For you will not regret it if you truly let Him into your heart!!! He was my first valentine and so far, my only.  Let Him be so for you today!!!! He loves you beyond measure, word, or deed for He did the ultimate deed of love- He died for us so that we might be freed from sin!!! Your chains of addiction, guilt, and/or shame can come off in His name!!!! Bury yourself in Him and you will find the strength to live right… THROUGH HIM. It is not MY righteousness but HIS, it is not MY goodness but HIS, it is not MY keeping a clean robe but HIS BLOOD that cleans it!!!! Just pray for Him to bring the right people into your life to help you and read the bible! Know HIS love letter in intimate detail and you will see! I’d suggest starting with the book of John and then move on to the book of Acts… but if you can find a church near you that lives the bible I’m sure someone there can help show you good scriptures! 🙂  

Thank You Jesus for being my first love. Thank You Jesus for loving me enough to chastise me this way so that my heart would truly learn how to accept your mercy and forgiving grace.  Thank You Jesus!!!!!!! I love You Jesus with all my heart, 

Rebekah M. 

Related Posts:

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/28/praying-monday-pressing-on/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/29/a-daddys-chastisement/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/28/the-visions-part-2/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/04/12/the-visions-part-3/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/05/02/the-visions-loved-like-gomer-was/