Multiplying Texts

Mar16

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according tohis purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

Recently, one of my friends has been going through a rough time. She is called. She has a purpose. Jesus has a destiny for her. Sometimes though, on our way to fulfilling our destiny, God allows things to happen in our lives so that our chains can be burned away so that we are ready for His tasks.

I truly believe in Romans 8:28. I believe that ALL things come together. In her struggles yesterday, she was texting me and God latched on to something He said through me and used technology to multiple the text. I told her:

[Friend]- be strong. The Lord is your strength. He is your shield. He will uphold you in His arms of love.

I found out today that God had that same text sent to her almost hourly yesterday from the moment I sent it until 11PM last night. All day she was fighting a tough battle. Things flying in from all directions. What I said did not feel incredibly profound to me at the moment. I felt like I was speaking truth but clearly, God knew it was a truth that she had to hear all day. She sees it (as I do) as a miracle.

This is the God we serve. This is my Jesus. That something that I felt was meaningful but definitely not profound enough to send the same text 15 times in the same day, He multiplied and resent to her all day long- to remind her He loves her. That He will uphold her. That He will be her shield. That He is her strength.

Dear readers- know that God loves you just as much! Know that He will also uphold You in His arms of love. Know that He will be your shield as well! Know that He is your strength as much as He is mine, as much as He is my friend’s!

Jesus,

Thank You that You’ll even take a seemingly simple text and multiply it for the needs of the recipient. Thank You that even technology is in Your hands. Thank You that ALL things work together when put in Your hands!!! Praise You Jesus! Thank You Jesus!!!

Rebekah M.

Disquieted

Mar12

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” –Psalm 42:11

I’m struggling today. I’ve been dealing with a certain situation for a year now. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed for it to be resolved, but it continues. Clearly there must be some lesson here that the Lord is trying to teach me. Clearly I’m failing the lesson. But I will praise Him anyhow. I praise my God and my King for keeping me even when I’m tired and frustrated. Thank you, Jesus.

-Rebekah L

Contemplation

Mar6

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. ~ Isaiah 43:2

I’m going through this crazy mental time right now. I’ve gained a few pounds the last few months and the boy is disappearing more and more from my life. I know that I’m the one who told him that I couldn’t date him. I know that I’m the one who didn’t contradict him when he said he didn’t have a pretty girl to kiss when he was down. I know that I’m the one who said he was what I wanted, but not what I needed (because I needed a praying man).

I miss him though. He still talks to me every day, but before where it was 4 or 5 hour gap at most… it can literally be only a little in the morning or night now. I miss feeling like he was my constant companion even when it was only via text most of the time. The niche he found for himself in my life now feels empty and a gaping hole.

Tonight, one of my guy friends texted me out of the blue to tell me about how things weren’t going well with the girl he was chasing. Said he messed up with her because he was pursuing her too much when she needed space. This is the same guy who I said was the example of what I’m looking for in a guy.

Part of me kept wondering what in the world was wrong with her for not running towards him with all she had. Here is this amazing, Godly, thoughtful guy who truly loves Christ and she just didn’t want to date him why? because he was attentive??? I just don’t get it but all I do know is that a slight part of me wanted to be like “me! pick me! I’m here! I love Jesus just as much as you do! Open your eyes!” but… he’s never, ever offered anything besides friendship to me. I gave up on him ever thinking of me as anything beyond a friend years ago.

So here I sit, on the heels of amazing news that I passed my boards and yet my heart is still heavy…

Lord,

Help me to hope in You. I know You have all things in Your hands so help me praise You even with my heavy heart. Help me put on the garment of praise. Help me to love You with all my heart so that this stuff has no effect on me. Shield me in Your hands. Hold me while I have a heavy heart when I should be rejoicing. Help me shed this feeling of being inadequate, of feeling like no man will find me attractive, to just re-see my worth in You again. Remind me You are walking with me in this emotional time in which things must be burned away and out of my heart.

Rebekah M.

The Talk

Jan19

Today the new guy asked:

So how do you see our relationship?

Given that he’s not in church, I have been struggling with the thought that he might ask me to be his girlfriend soon. Things are nice between us- he texts me daily and it’s never too much or too little. I don’t feel pressured by him but I also don’t feel like he’s trying to hide me or deny me. I’ve met his family a few times already and his mom even friended me on facebook. He’s so incredibly supportive about boards, interviews, life. It’s only been about two months but I know that should I cut him off, I would feel the gap in my life. He has found a way to slowly work himself a little niche into my life quietly and without force.

I answered him honestly:

I definitely think you’re an awesome guy that any girl would be lucky to say she’s dating but I don’t know what you want so… at least in my head i definitely see you as more than just a friend although I also think we have a friendship base which is always important…

It continues to throw me off. I have only dated two guys before and both were in church and both were disasters. The first one broke my heart with incalculable coolness and full disregard for my feelings. The second broke my pride and the buddings of feelings with his childish disregard for me and what I tried to put into the relationship- only seeing what he put in. And so it throws me off that this guy has, so far, treated me much better than both guys before him.

This guy, when he kissed me more passionately than I wanted, quickly backed off the moment he sense my hesitation and apologized over and over again and quickly had us switch to something more platonic. Of the three times we’ve hung out so far, limited by my monthly switch in locations, he has shown such consideration for both my feelings as well as my well being.

i guess im saying i dont know if im ready to be your boyfriend yet but i may just need alil time or somethingto idk. I want to get to know you.

In all this, I continue to be unsure… what if he never comes to God? Am I wasting his time? Someone who has treated me a billion times better than guys in the church? He seems so genuine and caring- passing out candy canes to the sick around Christmas- not even for an organization. Even just making sure that “we” were on the same page before he saw me again says SO much about his caring heart… and yet he doesn’t know God? How does this compute? How can one guy have so many Godly attributes and yet not claim Christ? And why is it that I don’t just run as far and as fast away from him before I end up giving such a great guy my heart? I know he doesn’t have it yet, but I also know that I am very drawn to him. He doesn’t push me to do things I don’t want to and when we’re hiking on trails, he makes me feel safe and like I can try anything without fear.

I want him to know God. I want him to experience the One who can make him feel the same way he’s been making me feel when I’m with him. I want him to know the safety and security of Jesus who died for us and carries us through life. I want Him to experience the views we see together the way I see it- through the lens of God’s creation. What majesty this world holds. What evidence of His immense goodness and grace! Beautiful landscapes sing of His awesome power and glorious ways. How amazing is this God of ours! Being someone who loves the beauty of nature as much as he does, I just wish he would also acknowledge the One who created what he loves so much.

And so the talk concluded with us agreeing that we’re at the “seeing someone” stage- not ready to make a more concrete commitment but not denying that the other is more than just a friend either. But where is Jesus in all this? How do I bring Christ in the middle of this relationship? Perhaps when he’s here next week we’ll find out since I’m not going to skip church for him and he’ll probably want to maximize his time with me. Feel free to pray for me readers- I’m going to need it.

In Him,

Rebekah M.

Movie Review: Amish Grace

Dec16

In light of the recent event in Connecticut, I felt I needed to point this movie out to anyone struggling with forgiveness or harboring anger/hatred in their heart.

Although the movie blends fact with fiction in terms of the main protagonist/family being fictional, the main facts remain true. The Amish community that suffered the loss off children at the hand of a gunman in their schoolhouse quickly extended forgiveness to him (although he also committed suicide that day) and his family to the astonishment of the world.

What unfathomable pain and suffering that mirrors the CT shootings!! But that very day, it is reported that members of the Amish community reached out to the gunman’s family. Some even attended his funeral.

Spoiler alert! Skip the next paragraph if you don’t want to know.

One of the scenes that struck me the most was during group therapy. The widow of the gunman asked how can they forgive her husband for the unimaginable horror that he committed? One mother replied that the absence of her children singing in the morning reminded her that they were dead and anger and hatred would well up inside her until she thought she wouldn’t be able to take another breath. She then gave all of it to God and found she would be able to breathe again. Sometimes she had to do it again the next hour, but she didn’t know how she would ever breathe again if she didn’t forgive and not give all of that to God.

Forgiveness frees the person who was wronged. Forgiveness freed me when I was harboring anger, bitterness, and hatred for Ex #1 and his friends who claimed Christ but gossiped, judged, and abandoned me when I was hurting more than I ever had before. I know my loss was nothing like the loss all those parents have and my loss was actually my most important gain. Nevertheless, I know my God met me where I was and I know He can meet anyone who is hurting, suffering, angry, or bitter.

This film is definitely a tear jerker, but the journey it takes you on is filled with God’s love that surpasses what we humans are capable of on our own. He can take all negative feelings and replace it with His love. He can mend what had been broken in a way we never expected but is so much better than we could have thought. He truly is able! He loves you! He is here for you!

In God’s love,
Rebekah M.

Praise Report!!! Hope Where there Seemed No Hope!

Dec14

Dear readers who have been following my journey- God may have provided a way of escape for me! Having just posted my post last night about Freedom and praising Him despite my fears and doubts and letting them fall away, I received an email this morning from one of my top choices today saying that they would still rank me despite my current situation!!! I have hope!!! Even better- it came AFTER my praise and worship!!! WOW! Wonderful God that He gave me the chance to show true trust and faith in Him! This journey isn’t over yet, but I have hope of truly becoming a doctor and working at a place that I enjoy!!! Wonderful, wonderful Savior, thank You for hope!!!

Rebekah M.

Song of the Day: Freedom Song by Mandisa

Dec13

As I drove home from church tonight I decided to switch CDs to what I named my “Brighter Day Mix.” In I popped it, hit “random,” and BAM it when to my favorite song- Freedom Song by Mandisa

As I sang for all I was worth along with the song and clapped during red lights, I remembered one of my favorite preachers talking about how the sound of hands clapping is like the sound of chains breaking. I let my fears and doubt fall off me as I busted out in song- sure my King would bring me victory if I just buried myself in Him.

Am I fully succeeding in this every day? No. But I can seek to make each new moment better than the previous one. I can seek to do what God wants for me each new moment versus letting the things I messed up with chain me from moving forward. Do I live with the consequences of the past, yes. But He is able and faithful to turn all things around if we just submit it all to Him and turn 100% away from those things that were bad and wrong.

So today- I seek to praise Him despite my doubt. I seek to worship Him despite the feeling of impending doom. I seek to worship Him despite the fact my world could potentially fall apart- for He is faithful. So I will put my hands up in the air and sing Hallelujah. I will proclaim that I have been set free! Praise to the Lord my chains of fear and doubt are gone when I just worship Him!!! Praise to the Lord, my chains are gone, can’t help but sing this freedom song!!!!

Rebekah M.

Prayer Monday: A Prayer for Grace

Dec10

Lord,

I need Your help. I need Your grace to see me through this time. So much is swimming in my head and all part of me wants to do is hide away. Run away from everything. To not face a thing and just get away. Save me from my fears. Save me from my own lusts and desires. Save me from all my own hopes and dreams and just give me Yours. Give me what You want for me. Give me Your desires for my heart. Give me Your life that You would have for me, not what I want. Help me God to walk through this storm with a grace that has never been there before. Help me to walk through this storm as a living testimony- worthy of the trust You have put in me being allowed to go through this storm.

I need You Jesus,

Rebekah M.

Rolling With the Punches

Dec8

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; ~ II Corinthians 4:8-9 KJV

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. ~ II Corinthians 4:10 NIV

Tonight I got a flat tire. Right as I was pulling up to church my tire went flat. I essentially missed EVERYTHING- caroling, the dinner– but God is still good! I praise Him that it happened RIGHT as I was getting to the church. I praise Him that it was an opportunity to invite the guy who changed my tire to the church. I praise Him that He is good in ALL things!! I know my God can turn ANY situation into good (Romans 8:28).

Tonight my mom called me up to encourage me. I thank God for her. She was like “I’ve been praying for you honey and I felt God say this was just a Job moment.” That is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. God wants to SHINE through my situations. He wants to shine by showing a reversal of the situation with me potentially never becoming a doctor. He wants to shine by showing that I can get a flat but He can use it for good. He wants to shine by having told Satan “have you considered my handmaiden [Rebekah M.]?” He wants to shine.

Jesus,

Shine through me. Let everything be done in Your timing. I praise You. I thank You that You count me worthy. I thank You Lord! I praise You Jesus!!! There is NONE like you!!! I thank You Jesus that You are good even in the midst of the storm!! I thank You Jesus that You are full of grace and truth. I love You Jesus. I WILL praise You in this storm. Bless these readers. Bless those who are going through a storm to see Your hands. Bless those who are in a season of favor to recognize it and claim their blessings! Bless my dear, wonderful Lord. I love You with all my heart.

Rebekah M.

Prayer In the Midst of the Storm

Dec6

Lord,

I praise You that I have given You my dreams and they may be shattering, but I do not despair. There is still hope and You will work it all out. I love You Jesus that since my life is in Your hands, You are working out all things for good. I praise You my King for being everything I need. I worship You my Lord for there is none like You so who is to stand in my way of going about my Father’s business? I praise You Lord. I worship You.

Thank You Jesus for Your peace that passes all understanding,

Rebekah M.