Being Isaac: Bill from Unshakable Hope “More than Just a Dream”

May19

Editor’s Note: Our weekly guest spot is our effort to help our reading community connect with each other. “Being Isaac” is in response to our growing number of male readers. We think it’s important that there’s a male reply to our female’s call to live in passionate pursuit of Christ. Thanks Bill from Unshakable Hope for submitting an amazing post that reminds us that heaven is our destination and it will be more than just a dream. 🙂

I had a vivid dream last night – In this dream I was completely healed and whole.

The dream began with me simply stepping out of bed, which is something I haven’t been able to do in over 15 years. I could walk, talk, eat, dress myself and do everything else that I was once able to do. Mary and I were so excited that we began calling all of our family and friends and then we began visiting people at their homes and offices (Mary drove the car because I don’t have a driver’s license and the only thing I’ve driven in last 15 years is a wheelchair).

The dream was so real-to-life that I was telling Mary all the places I wanted to travel to and all the restaurants I wanted to try. I was even making practical plans like getting a driver’s license and making an appointment with the doctor to have my feeding tube removed etc. As you can probably imagine, this was so exciting; more so than winning a billion dollar lottery! But that incredible excitement soon turned to great disappointment when I awoke from this vivid dream at 4:15 this morning and realized I couldn’t even uncross my feet, let alone get out of bed.

Then my great disappointment turned back into incredible excitement when I remembered that, regardless of what happens in this life, one day I KNOW that I WILL be healed and whole! One day “…there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain…” (Revelation 21:4)

There was a time in my life that I feared death and the unknown in general. I later found out that these fears are quite common. But, as strange as it might sound, ever since I committed to following Christ and began believing the promises of God’s word, my fear of death has been replaced with an excitement of what lies in store for me after this brief and fragile life is over. Christ died and rose again to free us from sin AND from the fear of what lies ahead – “…only by dying could He (Jesus) break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he deliver those who have lived all their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.” (Hebrews 2:14-15 NLT)

In 1996, Bill was diagnosed with ALS (“Lou Gehrig’s Disease”) and the doctors told him he had 3-5 years to live. He is now completely paralyzed and unable to speak, but by God’s grace, he’s still alive and through his Unshakablehope blog he shares a message of hope in Christ.

See the original post at http://unshakablehope.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/more-than-just-a-dream/

Published with the permission of the author. Submit your own post at beingrebekah@outlook.com.

Prayer Monday: Renewed Promises

May13

So I have had the same prophecy spoken over me throughout the years. I can think of three main instances in which it has happened, two of them were with the exact same wording by different people, in different states, and almost a decade apart. The third was definitely in the same spirit of the other two.

When I was younger, every time I had a serious time of asking God for revelation/my future, I repeatedly would open my Bible and it would land on Ezekiel 37 (this is over years starting in either elementary or middle school at least 5 or 6 times or even more). Finally, during my college years after one such time like that, I angrily drove home from church one night and was like “God! You have to tell me what it means, why the valley of the dry bones??? You have to or… or… I don’t even know what!” It is amazing to think I felt I had a right to yell at God like that. Yet instead of punishing me, that very next Sunday we had an unexpected guest preacher who taught on promises. At one point, he talked about Ezekiel 37 and explained that bones represent promises and that the valley of the dry bones is an analogy of how God can and will breathe life back into promises that seem so dead and dried up.

Last night, the pastor preached on the subject of promises and how God is faithful and able to perform that which He has spoken. During alter call, I felt the renewed hope in my promises. They may at times seem SO dead and so far off, but I once again said to Him who is able, “Jesus, if this is truly what You want for my life, You KNOW what needs to come to pass. I believe. I will go where You want and do what You want.” I felt His promises begin to take life back on those dry and dusty bones. I felt Him say:

“That is why I sent you that passage so many times when you were younger, so that you would know that from a young age I wanted you to learn that I am able to bring your promises back to life. I want you to always know that I am able and I will bring My promises to life.”

What promises has God laid on your heart that you feel are dead and dusty? Know that He is able! Let today’s prayer in your heart be to reclaim your promises! Don’t let despair take hold, know that He is faithful and able to perform what He said He would! Your promises may look dead in your mind’s eye, but He is able to bring back life even the things that seem to have been lost to you years ago. Let today’s prayer be one that claims His faithfulness. Ezekiel was told to prophecy to the bones so speak it forth- speak faith that God WILL bring His promises for your life to reality! You may not see the results today, or even tomorrow, but hold on to your promises, hold on to your faith, and know that HE WILL BE FAITHFUL!

God bless you readers as you believe in His promises for your life once again,

Rebekah M.

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/04/prayer-monday-breaking-oppression-again/

Stretch Forth Thine Hand

May4

And he entered again into the synagogue; and there was a man there which had a withered hand. And they watched him, whether he would heal him on the sabbath day; that they might accuse him. And he saith unto the man which had the withered hand, Stand forth. And he saith unto them, Is it lawful to do good on the sabbath days, or to do evil? to save life, or to kill? But they held their peace. And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other. ~ Mark 3:1-5

God had used this passage of verses before to touch my heart as I wrote about back in October last year. These past few days, God allowed me the chance to go to a ladies’ conference which has been SO good for my soul! One of the nights, they had “prayer tunnel” created by having two lines facing each other of ministers’ wives and all the ladies lined up to walk in between the two lines. As you walked through, the ministers’ wives prayed over us. As I went through something in my so deeply prayed for a husband and for God to just do whatever else He wanted with my life- use me as He will, move me where He will, keep me with my sicknesses or take them away. As I finished up the line I went to sit back in my seat and felt the need to open my Bible. It automatically fell on the above passage and instantly I felt God saying that He wanted to make the final healing in my heart. I will NEVER be ready for Isaac without a fully healed heart. As I allowed the words to sink in, I cried, thanking God and I stretched forth first one hand and then the other. Tears streaming down, I let go of the things in my heart. I stretched my hands out in faith, believing Him faithful to heal me. I post this in faith, continuing to believe that I was healed! My heart is whole- whole from Ex #1, whole from Ex #2, even whole from giving up the third guy- unofficially an ex… from consciously choosing God over the first guy to treat me like gold. I know I made the right choice and either he’ll come to God and we’ll end up together, or God will send someone else- but I know more than ever that I did make the right choice and that I have hope. I have hope that God will honor my choice- that He will not leave my soul in pain unless there is a plan and a reason- even if it’s because my Isaac has more to grow before he’s ready to be the man I need. I trust you God, I trust You Jesus. I stretched forth my hand and I am healed!!!

Rebekah M.

https://beingrebekah.com/2012/10/07/forgiveness-and-renewal-revisited/

Restoration (Part III)

Apr30

“So David recovered all that the Amalekites had carried away, and David rescued his two wives. And nothing of theirs was lacking, either small or great, sons or daughters, spoil or anything which they had taken from them; David recovered all” (1 Samuel 30: 1-8, 18-19).

Four years ago I went through a very trying time in my faith. My spiritual family and I were hurt very deeply during this time. My godparents were falsely accused of many terrible things. Through much prayer, I eventually made the decision to leave that church and within a few days my god-parents were asked to leave as well. By the end of that year I had lost several close friends.

One of these was a dear friend to me that I had defended repeatedly in her time of trouble. Yet when my time of trouble came, she turned her back on me. She sent me disparaging emails, unfriended me on facebook, and disconnected from me socially and spiritually. I was heart-broken.

^“Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me” (Psalm 41:9).

All communication between us stopped – with one exception. Every year on her birthday I sent her a one line email wishing her a good year and a happy birthday. Occasionally, I also tried to encourage her in other more subtle ways; for example, leaving uplifting comments on a mutual friend’s post in reply to one of her comments. We were no longer “friends”, but by way of mutual contacts I knew that she could see some of those things. For the most part, my efforts were ignored.

I admit it was difficult for me. I was hurt that she rejected me. I was angry that she was judging me without knowing or understanding what had really happened at the church. I was sad that we were no longer friends. I missed her.

It took me some time, but eventually I forgave her. She was doing what she felt she had to. In shunning me, she was following the direction of her leadership. I understood that to go against the church leadership is rebellion; she was trying to do the right thing. Yes, I had defended her vehemently to that same leadership when they were falsely accusing her of things, but she never knew that. Yes, she believed the false reports spoken about us, but they were constructed in such a way as to be very convincing. In the end I felt badly for her that she was still in that situation when I had found my way to freedom.

Indeed, while that was the most difficult time I have had to endure since becoming a Christian, it was also the catalyst for helping me to grow in Christ and to dig deeper into Him. I have been incredibly blessed in this last four years. I now attend a wonderfully loving church with very supportive leadership. I have been able to attend Bible College, coach the youth in Bible Quizzing, be involved in a Chinese Home Church and meet many wonderful new friends. Everything that I lost was restored to me and then some! Is the church I attend now a perfect church? No, of course not. But it is exactly what I need in my life and it has afforded me many opportunities that would have been closed to me at my old church.

“For I will restore health to you, and heal you of your wounds, says the Lord, because they called you an outcast saying: This is Zion; No one seeks her.” (Jeremiah 30:17).

I have learned that truly all things work together for good (Romans 8:28) and that going through that time helped to bring me to where I am now. I also have a greater love and appreciation for those around me because I understand that things can change at any time and I know what a blessing it is to have them in my life.

Today, my dear friend that I lost four years ago sent me a friend request on Facebook. This may seem like a small thing, but I assure you, this is no small thing! Tears instantly welled behind my eyes when I saw it. Perhaps we will never be able to recover a friendship like the one we used to have, but I gladly welcome her back into my life. I pray she is well and that God is blessing her.

We truly serve a God of restoration!

In His Love,
Rebekah L.

Reaching People with Love

Apr4

Last week I wrote about Praying with a Muslim co-worker. Surprisingly of the two posts I have written on this topic, only one commenter has said anything negative. I actually expected it to be much more controversial than it has proven to be. I made a decision to respond to the negative comment privately (instead of on our site) after I visited his blog and discovered that he loves to have long, drawn-out, and very viscous public arguments. Indeed even our private conversation became a painful attack very quickly. I’m not afraid of controversy, but I like to limit negativity. There is a difference. The thing is, I love my Muslim co-worker. I do not agree with her religion, but I love her. For that reason I feel protective of her and don’t want her or others like her to be subjected to the kinds of hateful things he was writing in his emails to me. Everyone has the right to free speech – on their own blog. On my posts, however, I choose not to subject myself or our readers to hateful speech. It’s the same as how in your house you are free to watch any kind of television program you wish to, but in my own house I choose not to subject myself to ungodly programming.

I will say though that this person brought up some points that made me realize some people may misunderstand the nature of my interactions with my Muslim co-worker. I considered posting his entire initial comment here so that I could go through it point by point, but it would make for a very long post and I want the focus of this post to be love. But I’ve decided in the future that I may allow the initial negative comment to be posted, along with my response, but then limit subsequent dialog if it starts spiraling down the rabbit hole. Those are just my own thoughts, the other Rebekahs may handle comments on their posts differently.

Here’s the thing, people are won to the Lord by love. They are not won through clever arguments, coercion, or Bible thumping. They are certainly not won through curses, threats, or hate. Rebekah M. recently wrote about this in her post: The God of Love. You see, it was the LOVE of God that compelled Him to die on a cross for me. When the Lord talked with the Samaritan woman at the well He did not attack her with ugly words. He did not ignore her (which was customary in His day). He did not condemn her. The Samaritan woman had at least three things going against her: first, she was a woman. Generally men wouldn’t speak to women who weren’t in the presence of a male relative. Second, she was a Samaritan. Samaritans were considered to be lower than dogs to the Jewish people. Their worship was tainted with pagan rituals and beliefs. Third, she was a woman of ill-repute. She lived a very ungodly lifestyle. None of this stopped Jesus from reaching out to her. He had compassion on her. His compassion didn’t mean that He condoned her activity, no, He was honest with her and told her she needed the living water that only He could offer. He treated her with love.

Likewise, I am doing my best to love the people around me with a godly love. My Muslim co-worker knows I don’t agree with her religion. We have had many conversations about who Jesus is and what He did. I am praying that one day she will get the revelation that what I’m telling her isn’t just what I believe, it is TRUTH.

I can completely understand people being uncomfortable with what I’m doing with my Muslim co-worker, especially as it relates to our mutual prayers. I myself have gone into this with much caution and prayers. I have saturated it in prayers. My personal prayers every single day are for God’s will in this situation. We have also prayed about this many times in our family prayers. People at church have prayed. I have asked God to close the door if He isn’t in it. But the door has remained open and I have seen how He is drawing her through this. She’s asking many more questions about Jesus now. Our conversations are focused on God. She wants to know more about what I believe. She wants to know more about Him. She doesn’t yet realize that what is holding her back from knowing Him is the weight of tradition and the comfort of ritual. She doesn’t yet realize that it is her fear of familial and cultural expectations that are blinding her, but I believe in a God who knows how to take off the blinders!

One thing this commenter wrote to me was how Muslims pray towards Mecca and that by doing that with her I’m praying toward an idol. Actually, he’s made an assumption (which I can understand because my post wasn’t very clear) that isn’t true. I pray next to her, but we don’t face the same direction. I actually do that on purpose. She prays on the floor on her prayer mat while I pray seated at my desk which faces a different direction. As I mentioned in my first post on this topic, it is much more like we are praying at the same time, rather than praying together. The thing is, she is going to pray regardless, with or without me being present. Because my office is one of the few places she can do this, I’m almost always going to be there. I can choose to sit silently while she praises Allah, or I can choose to lift of the name of Jesus. If I’m there praying in the Name of Jesus, there is a chance she will feel His Spirit move in a way she hasn’t felt before. There is a chance she will feel HIM reaching out to her. There is a chance my prayers will awaken something in her that will lead her to Truth. It is very clear to both of us that the focus of our prayers is different. She knows I’m praying to Jesus and that I believe He is the only way.

Condemning her won’t win her to the Truth, only love can do that. I remember very clearly sitting in a church service where the preacher was talking about something controversial. He got the whole congregation laughing and poking fun of people. What he didn’t know is that I came out of the lifestyle he was making fun of. When the congregation started laughing, it felt extremely personal, like they were all laughing at me. Even though none of them knew about my past, it was a humiliating experience for me. I didn’t feel love, I felt contempt. If the Lord had not already converted me, I’m sure I never would have stepped foot in a church again.

We need to be sensitive and compassionate if we want to win people to the Lord. Yes, it’s VERY important that we don’t participate in ungodly activities, but the best way to separate someone from their ungodly ways, is to show them the love of Jesus. Jesus won me with love, and I have faith that He will win my Muslim co-worker with love as well.

In His Love,

Rebekah L

Rough Day

Mar14

An upright man gives thought to his ways (Proverbs 21:29)

So today was rough. I started the day with finding out I missed something on a patient that, although not fatal, was a BIG thing to miss. Nothing bad happened, but I shouldn’t have missed it. Later on, I had a huge blow when a test showed another one of my patients had a silent but potentially deadly condition. One where a person can go from looking fine to dead in just a few minutes.

It really got to me. I had instantly bonded with this patient and his wife and, although he was fine at the moment, knowing that he was so seriously ill (although it was not evident looking at him) got me to the core. Being emotionally invested in my people means that when they are hurting, I hurt. When they aren’t doing well, it makes me feel a bit like I’m not doing well. It makes me a good doctor, but it also makes me vulnerable to burnout.

Recently, another student joined my team. We start the day at the same time, work in the same office space, and typically have most of our meals together. He’s even made it his mission to have me watch the entire series of Scrubs (all 8, not counting the fake 9th season). We essentially spend most of our day together until I pray with my family at night or go to church.

Knowing that I was so emotionally compromised today, I had a moment where I thought, “I must be careful. I am missing [the guy I just let go], I am spending LOTS of time with this guy every day, my heart is hurting for my patient, and my pride is hurt from my missing that thing yesterday. I need to be careful.”

So what did I do? I talked to a friend that I knew would lay it to me straight. Luckily, since I was preemptively seeking help, she mainly confirmed that yes, I was right to be concerned and it was good I was being mindful and careful. Are there times where he’s flirty with me? She confirmed that yes, when he does things like taking my stethoscope from around my neck even though he had his in his pocket and taunted me about it in front of the nurses, that was flirting. But she also confirmed that that’s why it was good I was reaching out NOW, BEFORE anything was happening. The best part was that she even prayed with me and prayed over me about this.

I think I’m growing. This time with a guy who seems attracted to me but not someone I can date (since he does not believe like I do), I am seeking God in prayer. This time I am saying “Lord, I’m weak, I know that I’m vulnerable to being attracted to this guy. Help me God, help me be good. Help me not do anything wrong. Help me Jesus.” Like the above verse in Proverbs, I feel like I am reflecting on my past and knowing that just because he’s not in church, it doesn’t mean I’m immune to his charms. It just means that Jesus is my strength. That even on rough days, I can find comfort in Him, not in a guy’s hug (mental or physical). That even on days when I’m worried for my patients and was just reprimanded, God is good and holds me through it. I don’t need a guy to cheer me up, just Jesus.

Thank You Lord for helping me through this rough day. Thank You God that I didn’t turn to man (or a man in this case) but I turned to You. Thank You God that I am safe in Your arms. Thank You Jesus for giving me strength to be good and not offer anything more than just friendship. I praise You. I worship You. I love and adore You Jesus more than anything else and I love that I can say it and mean it!!!

Rebekah M.

Disquieted

Mar12

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” –Psalm 42:11

I’m struggling today. I’ve been dealing with a certain situation for a year now. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed for it to be resolved, but it continues. Clearly there must be some lesson here that the Lord is trying to teach me. Clearly I’m failing the lesson. But I will praise Him anyhow. I praise my God and my King for keeping me even when I’m tired and frustrated. Thank you, Jesus.

-Rebekah L

Contemplation

Mar6

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. ~ Isaiah 43:2

I’m going through this crazy mental time right now. I’ve gained a few pounds the last few months and the boy is disappearing more and more from my life. I know that I’m the one who told him that I couldn’t date him. I know that I’m the one who didn’t contradict him when he said he didn’t have a pretty girl to kiss when he was down. I know that I’m the one who said he was what I wanted, but not what I needed (because I needed a praying man).

I miss him though. He still talks to me every day, but before where it was 4 or 5 hour gap at most… it can literally be only a little in the morning or night now. I miss feeling like he was my constant companion even when it was only via text most of the time. The niche he found for himself in my life now feels empty and a gaping hole.

Tonight, one of my guy friends texted me out of the blue to tell me about how things weren’t going well with the girl he was chasing. Said he messed up with her because he was pursuing her too much when she needed space. This is the same guy who I said was the example of what I’m looking for in a guy.

Part of me kept wondering what in the world was wrong with her for not running towards him with all she had. Here is this amazing, Godly, thoughtful guy who truly loves Christ and she just didn’t want to date him why? because he was attentive??? I just don’t get it but all I do know is that a slight part of me wanted to be like “me! pick me! I’m here! I love Jesus just as much as you do! Open your eyes!” but… he’s never, ever offered anything besides friendship to me. I gave up on him ever thinking of me as anything beyond a friend years ago.

So here I sit, on the heels of amazing news that I passed my boards and yet my heart is still heavy…

Lord,

Help me to hope in You. I know You have all things in Your hands so help me praise You even with my heavy heart. Help me put on the garment of praise. Help me to love You with all my heart so that this stuff has no effect on me. Shield me in Your hands. Hold me while I have a heavy heart when I should be rejoicing. Help me shed this feeling of being inadequate, of feeling like no man will find me attractive, to just re-see my worth in You again. Remind me You are walking with me in this emotional time in which things must be burned away and out of my heart.

Rebekah M.

A Daddy’s Chastisement

Jan29

I wrote this post yesterday afternoon shortly after yesterday’s, timing it to be published later this week. Today, I received my chastisement and Rebekah L invited me to take her day to write about things as they have happened… it floors me how I wrote this PRIOR to what happened. I’ll explain more at the end.

So I have been trying to work through all the layers of feelings behind why I have been falling into this relationship with this guy and there are MANY things I see.

A) He and I truly have SO many things in common. We’re only a month different in age so we know MUCH of the same references from childhood and we always find something outdoors to do.

B) We communicate well together. It’s kind of freaky when we randomly hit a stride in our convos where his or my texts are the answers to what the other person is texting that moment. Granted it makes sense in a way because conversations are on topics and thus have a finite amount of topic space, but it has happened multiple times in the same conversation before. Also, he and I text/skype/message each other throughout the day. It never feels too much or too little.

C) He makes me feel in person how God makes me feel spiritually- cared for, secure, safe, like I can try to conquer anything and he’d be there to catch me if I fell.

But despite all this, it’s eating away at me. It eats away because he’s not in church. I have always longed for a guy who would lead me in prayer. I longed for a man who would lead our family in a journey towards passionate pursuit of Him. A man who would have no qualms of calling a family fast. A man who would be so assured in God’s ways that when God told him something, no matter how crazy it seemed, he’d be willing to drop all for Him- as much as I feel I have done with my life.

I have dropped everything I know and love for Him. I have left home and all that I know to live this life, knowing that He is the one who has taken me here and knowing that all I do is in and for Him. And yet now… here I find myself splintering because here I live this life where I have dropped everything for Him, and yet I find myself attaching more and more to this guy who hadn’t even been to church in years until this past Sunday when he went with me.

I felt like all I deserved was a cosmic spanking. A beating of epic proportions for doing what I shouldn’t be doing. So I cowered away from God, afraid of how His chastisement would play out. Would He rip away my blessings? Make me never be able to become a doctor? Cause me to live life unfulfilled- never a doctor, never a missionary, just a nobody with no purpose… which is my greatest fear. To live a life that amounts to nothing- no spiritual legacy, lived my life that amounted to a mountain of nothingness.

Then my friend pointed out that Jesus is a Father to us. He’s our daddy. As my friend said:

Remember, He’s a Daddy who loves to bless his kids, not a godfather who gives favors in exchange for good behavior…

And it sparked a thought in my mind. Just as my parents have always known how best to reprimand me, God knows how best to chastise me. If He has a purpose for me becoming a doctor, why would He rip that away as punishment when it would cause me to fall away from the path He truly wants for me? The chastisement needs to match the child. As I expressed this to my friend, he replied:

Yes… spanking is not the first or best method of training children. Patience and teaching happen for a long time first

So why have I been hiding from God? Afraid to ask Him to help because it felt like I’d be coming to exchange help for a heavy toll. Would God truly rip away all hope of an Isaac because I just seem so lost and confused right now? I have to hold on to the hope that He is good despite my fears and doubts. I have to hold on to the hope that it is safe to express my doubts to Him and that instead of exchanging punishment for expressing my fears, He will exchange faith and bless me for trusting that He is able to help me overcome the fear and doubt. I have to hold on to the hope that He truly is a good Father who knows how best to punish me and that just as my parents always knew when I needed something to just help me push through the hard times- that sometimes, even though maybe I deserved a punishment- they gave me a reprieve instead for they knew what was best for ME . I just have to believe that He will know what I need more and what actions are what I need to help prod me to where He wants me to be.

Love,

Jesus You are my love. Jesus You are my everything. Jesus I am holding on to the fact that as my parents have loved me into going the right way in the past, You know what I need more- a rod or a loving prod. You know what I need more so I have to trust that You aren’t going to just punish me over and over again if I just reach out to You and so I do now. I reach out to You and believe that You will chastise me how You see fit. I just keep being hurt over and over again by guys in the church so I just have a hard time believing an Isaac exists for all I see is good guys out of church and guys who are either jerks or will never pursue me in the church. Help me believe that Isaac exists. Help me be like Rebekah yet once again. Help me bring myself back to the roots of it all- passionate pursuit of You as I patiently wait for the day I meet Isaac. Love, my Jesus, You are my God and my salvation. You are my everything.

Rebekah M.

So last night my parents received an email by someone in another country who has prophesied accurately multiple times. He revealed via visions what has been going on between the guy and I and I could not have been more mortified than that. The guy and I have been physically affectionate and although we didn’t do THAT, we have done stuff.

My parents’ disappointment has always been THE greatest reprimand that I could ever receive. I want to make them proud. I want to make them feel joy and happiness when they think of me- knowing that I am a good daughter who brings them honor. The only saving grace was that even in the visions, it was obvious that I didn’t do THAT. However… the whole time my parents were reading the email, I just felt how much it felt like it was God’s way of chastising me. The punishment was the most it could have been before “a cosmic spanking” in which those consequences would be irreversible.

The email ended with the fact that if I do end up doing THAT, my salvation is on the line. We have choices that we all have to make. I need, I MUST, choose to pursue purity in Christ with all that I am, for all that I am today is because of Him. Without Him, I am nothing. So without pursuit of purity in Him, I will become nothing.

Lord, despite my mortification and shame, I thank You for Your chastisement that awakens me before I mess up beyond repair. I thank You for Your grace and mercy. I thank You for Your unending love that would even be willing to shame me before my parents, knowing it would spark their full prayer support and an awakening like no other. I thank You for Your ways, even if they sting right now. I love You Jesus,

Rebekah M.

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/28/praying-monday-pressing-on/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/14/the-visions-part-1/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/28/the-visions-part-2/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/04/12/the-visions-part-3/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/05/02/the-visions-loved-like-gomer-was/

Praying Monday: Pressing On

Jan28

Lord,

I feel like I’m messing up. I feel like I’m making a mess of my life. You have put me on my parents’ hearts heavily which means something must be up for they stay tuned in to You. I don’t know what I’m doing with this guy. I’m not sure how to get it all sorted out. All I do know is that yet once again, I want to press into You. Yet once again, I want to bury myself in You. Not to escape everything, but because I know that the only answer is there. The only way that everything can have its best possible outcome is found in You. So Lord, right now, I humble myself and press into You. Right now I pour out my heart, all of the muck, the dirt, the grime, all that is wrong in me, clean me out. Clean out my heart. Clean out my mind. Clean out my soul.

And replace it with You.

Find me once again Lord, renewed in You. Find me once again Lord, cleansed by Your spirit. Find me once again Lord, leaning on You. I will take whatever chastisement You want to lay on me. I keep telling myself that “well, I don’t love him,” “well, we didn’t do THAT” but I feel You try to whisper to me that it’s not about lines, it’s about direction. So Jesus, fix my direction. Help me follow the compass You gave me instead of what my “gut” is saying. Help me use Your instrument guide instead of “my eyesight.” So much of myself says that this guy is so perfect- he even doesn’t mind chicken feet!!!- but the one thing, the MOST IMPORTANT THING that we don’t have in common, is You. And unless that happens, I need to stop. I need to hold back more. Not just for myself, but even for him as well. His heart is on the line too, not just mine, and it is selfish of me to encourage more than just friendship if doing so, as of right now, means that there is potential that I will have to chose between You or him one day, and we know that I MUST choose You.

Lord, right now I choose You.

But I know Lord, that it can also mean that choosing You can lead to choosing a path that no one else knows is possible. Lord, in all this- above all else- let this guy meet You. I want him to find You. I want him, a guy who has been and each time continues to be, so much better than those who came before him and claimed to know You. A guy who doesn’t claim You and yet who has so many of Your qualities. So giving when he expects nothing in return, so gentle that he wouldn’t hurt even a spider that was scaring me… save Him Jesus. Save him so that He’ll get to meet You one day and realize that You’ve loved him all his life.

Help me stop having myself be seen and let YOU shine through. Help me stop getting in the way of what YOU want to accomplish. Help me just press into You and let YOU work as You will.

So Lord, I press on into You.

Rebekah M.

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/01/29/a-daddys-chastisement/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/14/the-visions-part-1/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/02/28/the-visions-part-2/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/04/12/the-visions-part-3/

https://beingrebekah.com/2013/05/02/the-visions-loved-like-gomer-was/