Tag Archive | Jesus

Seek Him First

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. ~Matthew 6:33 

This journey of mine has been incredible. Where I once felt like my life had fallen apart, I now know that my life is just beginning.  Where once I had felt like I lost my future of the handsome, sweet husband, beautiful twin boys, and sweet little princess all living for Jesus, I know that regardless of the dreams a boy says to you, it doesn’t always mean he will follow through with them but God’s dreams for you will always stand.  For almost two months now, I didn’t care whether I lived or died since my dreams were shattered.  I wouldn’t do anything to speed the process along, but I didn’t care should the Lord decide to take me.  After my car accident a little over a week ago, I wondered why He didn’t just take me because I was in the middle of praying- I knew where I would have gone.  (Please know though that after God freed my heart last Sunday, I’m now ready to LIVE for HIM.)

This journey first started end of November when my boyfriend of the time asked for a break. The next day I spent it sobbing in bed, unable to do anything but pray desperately to God and try to hold on to anything else within me.  For those who haven’t read my other post, just a few weeks prior he had told me he was getting me THE ring, it was all picked out but he was just saving up to get it and then after a few rough weeks he’s looking at me in the middle of a restaurant saying that he hadn’t even wanted to talk to me on the phone two nights before and felt he needed a break.  After a day of sobbing and praying in my bed God told me I had two choices:

1) fear, worry, and doubt Him in this time or

2) worship Him knowing that He had all things in His hands

I chose worship.  

Last weekend, between the conference and the sunday services at my church, I felt something break. For two months now I have been fasting, praying at least 3 times a day, and especially in this last month pursuing Him with all that I have. Friday night post-service at the conference, I had a single guy on each side of me at the restaurant paying me attention.  Never in my life have I felt like a belle of a ball like I did then- and I was openly talking about God and how good He is! The next day, the very guy that I had said to Jesus “Lord, he’s cute.  Wouldn’t it be nice if he’d say hello to me?”  stopped me to say hello as I was passing by!  In the middle of this week, another guy has randomly entered my life via mutual friends and the first “get to know me” thing he asked was what sort of adventures have I been on before.  I quickly mentioned two then noted that more than any other adventure was doing things for God like saying something to a person that God heavily laid on my heart and finding out it’s what they’ve been praying about all week. After a lag in reply I said “Lord, if he doesn’t reply so be it- I’m not going to hide my love for You,” the next day he replied with stories of his own!!

Rarely in my life have I felt pursued.  Even when my ex and I were dating I still only briefly (for about a month or two) felt like he was pursuing me… much of the time I was worried he was ashamed of me since he never really wanted to introduce me to people and once he started to, he was telling me I had to get to the gym etc. These guys however… it amazes me that I’m not even worried about them half as much as I would have before, I’m surprised there’s more than one, and I unashamedly speak of my passion for Jesus and it seems to make them even more interested!

Dear Reader, 

Please take in the underlying concepts I’m trying to get across today: worship Him in the storm and live unashamedly for Him.  I went from shattered dreams to having a full life before me.  I don’t look like a super model; I’m not super amazingly special; yet, it seems guys are crawling out of the woodwork and I cannot even believe it myself!  Lord, You amaze me.  In shining for You brighter than ever, it draws guys  my way and it amazes me!  I pray You help me continue to seek You first for You’ve told me that the guys will all sort themselves out in the end.  Help me to unashamedly be a light for You and point the way to Your goodness, mercy, and grace.  I love You Jesus with all my heart. 

~Rebekah M. 

Freed Hearts (aka A Heart To Forgive pt 2)

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; ~Matthew 5:44

Disclaimer: Rebekah A had no clue that some of these events occurred when she wrote her post last night. It amazes me that God has given me the perfect opportunity to follow up on the thought she started yesterday!

This past weekend at the church conference I spoke of in my last two posts, God gave me THE most freeing event that I have ever had in my life.  Someone who wronged someone who was dear to me- I gave them a hug, told them I loved them, and thanked them for things they had done for me in my past.  Another had wronged both me and my family so completely and deeply I cannot begin to list it all- both because it is a vast list and especially since it is now all behind me (for I am looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, and if He could endure the cross, I can forget things that have hurt me and those I love (Hebrews 12:2) )- this person, I prayed God’s blessing over her and her family, I prayed God free her from fear and doubt, I prayed God bless her and keep her.

I think the biggest thing this past weekend though was that God freed me completely from my ex.  All weekend I felt like I had to pray a blessing over him despite EVERYTHING.  God told me that I had to forgive him and bless him and then leave him where he belongs- my past.  After the conference, on the surface I felt one way- victorious, loved by God, excited that my future was unfolding- but deeper down I felt I was spinning out of control like my car had done just a few days before.  I had survived seeing my ex from afar but it still brought to surface things that I tried to bury.  God wanted that OUT of my life though because as I mentioned in a previous post, a promise cannot live with an error and God wants me to be free to accept into my life the Isaac He has for me. And so, during a perfectly timed, God-written sermon, Jesus cleaned me out.  He told me at the alter that I had to go and text my ex that very moment:

I forgive you.  I pray you have a blessed rest of your life. 

So simple and yet so completely and utterly freeing.  I am SURE there is NO WAY that he isn’t ashamed of what he did.  There is no way that he can think of me and not feel shame- for he never acted in a Godly manner once things started falling apart.  However, because I prayed for him, fasted for him, and even sent that text- I can look back on this situation in my life and feel joy and peace.  I have won by being saved from tying myself to someone who would have only brought me down while he threw away the very thing that was praying and fasting blessings into his life.  I. Am. Free.

Dear Reader, 

I implore you to pray a blessing into the life of those who have hurt you and then leave it all where it belongs- in your past.  The sermon was about how through Jesus we have power (Acts 1:8). The preacher spoke of how this power gives us power to change how our past affects our current situations, power to fix our present, and even power to establish our future.  If you don’t have that power- I beg you to seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). Know that salvation is based on the words of Peter who told of the salvation plan in Acts 2:38, whom Jesus earlier stated he would build his church upon (Matthew 16:18). Know that before we ever knew Him, He loved us so much that He died to pay for all the bad things we’ve done in our past (Romans 5:8). May God bless you all with freed hearts.

Rebekah M. 

The Hem of His Garment

 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; ~II Corinthians 4:7-9

Although my blog posts have many times been upbeat, it’s only because I have tried to give everything in God. All the pressures in my life have slowly been creating more and more of a storm until two nights ago when I spun out of control on a mountain road and hit the guard rail apparently twice.  I had a church conference to go to last night and I just knew that if I could just get to Jesus, my storm would calm.

This whole way, God has been providing little things to show me He’s with me. From random strangers telling me they felt God on me and would pray for me, to getting the car rental in time to even get to my hotel and pray for half an hour before service- after resting a bit at the hotel!!!

This God we serve is amazing and wonderful and I know, I know, I KNOW that last night- I touched the hem of His garment, He walked with me in the midst of the storm back into the boat and spoke peace into my life.

The enemy may have tried to take my life, but that just means all the more that I live for Jesus and Jesus alone!  May I be a light for Him in this dark world.  May I be a witness of all His wonders! Devil- you may have tried to destroy me because I said I was going lion hunting, but you couldn’t!!! God wouldn’t let you take my life because I have more work to do here so come what may, I know my God will provide!!! Better yet, I was able to tell the car rental guy about the awesome church I go to- so it was worth it to have this all happen if he and his girlfriend find our Savior!

Dear reader, 

Taste and see that the Lord is good and His mercy is everlasting! You may be perplexed, but don’t despair, God has a reason for everything when You are living for Him with all you’ve got (Romans 8:28)! You may be troubled on every side, but not distressed when You trust Him to work it all out!  You may have been persecuted, but you are not abandoned! Know that ALL things are in His hands.  That night (after being a bit human and saying that I was just so frustrated with everything and finishing up a pity party) I thanked God that He counted me strong enough to handle this.  Know this- that He will NEVER FORSAKE YOU NOR LEAVE YOU.  So go out there and be a light for Him! 

~Rebekah M. 

What Little We Have

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work: (As it is written, He hath dispersed abroad; he hath given to the poor: his righteousness remaineth for ever. Now he that ministereth seed to the sower both minister bread for your food, and multiply your seed sown, and increase the fruits of your righteousness;) Being enriched in every thing to all bountifulness, which causeth through us thanksgiving to God. For the administration of this service not only supplieth the want of the saints, but is abundant also by many thanksgivings unto God ~II Corinthians 9:7-12

Lately God has been calling me on His path of faith.  In one of my other posts I alluded to being a blessing for my pastor and his wife through doing something I felt God tell me to do.  This past weekend the pastor’s wife testified about what they have been going through lately and it opened my eyes to how amazing God is.

All my life I have heard stories of how people were at the end of their rope, not sure where their next meal would be, not sure how they would pay their bills, and they would pray and God would open the door at the last minute.  About two weeks ago I felt God tell me that I had to financially bless my pastor and his family. Now, I’m a student.  I’m living off of student loans and every dollar I spend = debt of an ever increasing gaping hole.  I understand that my future profession will hopefully help me pay it off, but I also know that every penny saved now is MANY pennies saved later in the world of compound interest.  However, when I felt God tell me to give them money I just said “okay, how much and when?”  because I truly believe that all the money I have now is from Him and so all my money in the future (or lack thereof) will be from Him too.  Since I know with all my heart that He never forsakes the righteous and their seed doesn’t beg for bread, I know that my God who owns the cattle of a thousand hills will provide when I need it.  One night before prayer I felt God say that I had to give them a check THAT NIGHT and so I went to prayer with it in an envelope.  Unbeknownst to me, God told them that they needed to give a check to a young couple who just had a baby and, although they weren’t 100% sure how they were going to do it, they decided on a certain amount that they felt God telling them to give while at prayer.  Low and behold, because I listened to the leading of Him, I gave her an envelope that very night and even though she thought it would be how much they were giving, it was actually that amount and more.  After months of struggling financially and wondering if they made the right decision to go into the ministry full time, they felt this was God’s way of telling them that He would take care of them and to keep focusing on feeding His sheep.

This is the God we serve!  NEVER in my life did I think that I would ever be the “check in the mail” part of one of these stories.  I was crying in my car on the way to prayer this week, thanking God for allowing me the privilege of being part of this testimony but… it doesn’t end there!  I have been pretty sick lately, for over two weeks now I’ve been coughing most nights and barely sleeping.  Finally I got prescriptions from a doctor and went to fill them last night and paid a large sum for them.  It cost almost as much as a month’s worth of groceries for me!  Deciding that I needed the medication, I paid the hefty price and went on my way.  The next morning, I get a call from one of my doctor’s offices and they told me that a procedure I paid for before out of pocket had been back-paid by my insurance company and the amount was DOUBLE what I paid for my prescriptions! 🙂

Now I’m not saying that if you give money away, God will automatically bless you with money.  I’m not even saying that the best thing to give away IS money.  Personally I think things that we can give to God include (along with money) our time, effort, passion, and talents. Many may tithe money, but how about our time? How about your talents? Do you play for a band with friends but not for your church?  Do you clean your house but never help clean the house of God?

Dear Reader, 

Give what little you have to Him and find that He will multiply it and give it back to you in His timing.  I didn’t need a financial blessing, I had made space in my budget to accommodate what I gave and yet God just wanted to bless me with it because He is good and His mercy endures forever 🙂  Give Him what you have and discover all the amazing, wonderful ways that He gives back to you!!! 

~Rebekah M. 

A New Heart

Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil. ~Joel 2:12-13

Today marks my 18th day for a 21 day reading about fasting and that was part of the verse for the day.  I’m actually going on my 5th week of consecutive fasting and 8th overall since December.  I fasted in December because of that emotionally trying time- I thought God would work my situation out and He did… just not with the answer I thought He was going to at first.   This month however, I’ve been fasting because I felt God want me to go on a 40 day journey with Him.  To dedicate my first 40 days to Him and see what happens. To be a living sacrifice to Him and worship Him with my life. 

On this journey it’s been incredibly changing.  I’ve completely changed many of my habits- I haven’t touched hulu.com, I’ve barely watched any movies (except the Ultimate Gift and Facing the Giants), and so many things that used to matter to me (facebook, games on facebook, IMing/texting) have disappeared from my life and been replaced with Him.  Experts say that if you can get past week 5, you are much more likely to have created a habit that will stick. With God’s strength, I want to keep up this path I’m taking towards Him.  All my life I’ve known Jesus, He’s even used me for miracles and words of encouragement beyond what I should understand/know, and yet I lacked discipline towards Him.

A fundamental characteristic of mine is that I am created to push through things.  When I was in high school I helped create a yearly food drive that lasted long after I graduated, in college I started a program that continues to today, and there are many other instances in which I helped start something that was lasting.  It’s just who I am and what I’ve been created for… however, along with this comes a weakness to just start something and leave it behind- sometimes half finished.  This lack of discipline was because when I focus, I REALLY focus… but when I lose interest I quickly and completely lose interest and move on to the next thing that catches my eye.

God has been using this time in my life to mold me to gain discipline and to stick with things even when it isn’t so fun, even when I don’t feel 100% passionate about it.  There was a whole week in December in which I couldn’t feel Him. For a whole week I prayed three times a day and did it just because I knew He had told me to do so, but I felt nothing inside when I prayed.  And yet… unlike before… I actually still prayed! At the end of the week God came back strongly in my life and revealed things to me- not all very good!- but also that for the first time I was learning how to STAND in HIM.  I recently read a blog entry on wordpress about standing in Him and it was so perfect for that day. Most of my life I have HATED just standing.  I want to either leave or push forward but go stir-crazy just waiting on Him.  And yet… it seems He’s trying to teach me how to do just that even now.

And so I come to the point of today’s post- there are times where God wants us to stand and there are times where He moves us to action.  After my week of silence God broke me and showed me just how wrong I had been acting the last few months prior to.  Sure, I was going to church and even singing on the platform at times, but I had created a space for something beside Him in my heart and He was jealous.  My heart was ripped to shreds by the events of early/mid December and yet in that time God held my heart, He showed me how wrong some of my actions had been, and then He loved me back together… but into a NEW creature!

This God we serve is so full of love and mercy for us.  I’ll just say it now- I was in a destructive relationship.  We originally had been a couple for Him… but then slowly focused on each other instead of the One who had brought us together and the results were disastrous.  Less than two months after he told me he had picked out a ring and was just working to buy it, he dumped me in one of the most painful ways possible.  The Godly man who I fell in love with had started turning into a controlling, yelling person that I didn’t know but still had given my heart away to.  God told me I couldn’t dump him for all his life people had abandoned him and He wouldn’t let another person who could hear His voice do that to him… but with his actions he was slowly killing my spirit.  The first time he told me I was beautiful was the last day I ever saw him- the day he asked for a break.  Although we never did THAT sin, God had called me to a personal standard of not kissing until I married and I, wanting to please him more than God, gave in and then some.  I gave him almost everything of me and all he did was toss me away.  This God we serve though- He picked up the shattered pieces of my heart and created a new one.  One that is His and His alone.  One that He will NEVER throw away or mistaken for some cheap imitation instead of the jewel that He handcrafted. One that He will allow another to HELP hold, when we’re both ready.

I admit all this to tell you my dear readers that God loves you.  If you’ve done something that you know He isn’t pleased with- rend your heart  and find that not only will He take it and sew it back together- but with His love He will create a new one that is pure, holy, and a true treasure for someone to cherish in God’s timing. I pray that you all find the perfect peace, joy, and love that I have recently re-found and actually even felt on a deeper level in Jesus Christ when you give the bits of your heart to Him. God bless you all.

~Rebekah M. 

Dancing In The Closet

But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. Matthew 6:6 

These past few months God has been working in my heart on a new level.  I know I keep mentioning it, but that emotionally taxing time was truly a turning point for me in my spiritual life. In my pain, I buried myself in Him and turned into the kind of Christian I have always wanted to be. The kind that I loved hanging around but was never willing to sacrifice myself to actually be.  One who listens to sermons in her free time, one who prays EVERY day- typically multiple times a day, one who reads her Bible EVERY day, one who seeks for Him in everything- even to tell her what color to wear that day for who knows how He could use it, but He could!

Much of my life I’ve been on the platform at the churches I’ve attended as a singer. I worship Him openly in church and it has encouraged people to do the same when they would see my sincerity towards Him.  It was always my prayer that I would disappear while I was up there and He would shine through.  Nice as that was, it was only in the most personally painful storm of my life that I finally learned to worship Him in private.  One day I found myself driving home after church and He had moved mightily in service and I even received a personal message from Him. During that drive I felt Him say to me:

Although it has always pleased me that you would openly praise and worship me in church, knowing that it  allows others to feel free to open up to me too, you are already blessed then.  However, when you praise and worship me in your home where no one else can see, for me- your audience of one- then am I truly pleased and will reward you. 

I know with all my heart that I had received the word from Him that night specifically because before service I was dancing and jumping and shouting in praise and worship to Him. He rewards openly when you pray, praise, and worship in your closet.

This morning I woke up and spent some time in my prayer closet. God has provided me with a literal closet that I am able to sit in and pray.  Thus, early this morning I sat in the closet and for almost half an hour I just imagined about how something that had become messed up in my life could potentially be turned around.  As my closest (and even some acquaintances) know, I have quite the imagination. I have a hard time keeping it in check and can have elaborate daydreams of how things will work out in this or that.  Finally, I stopped and just talked to God.  He moved in to my closet so strongly I felt almost like He was holding me in a hug.  It was amazing and I felt Him tell me to get up and dance before Him- to give Him my heart, mind, strength. Later on, my boss complimented me again today for something I did and has given me even more freedom of my time.  I know that this favor is not of me.  Yes, things look like they are my actions, but truly they are His working through my body.  Thank You Lord for Your favor in my life.  Thank You Lord for helping me heal, change, and be molded into the woman of God that You want me to be.  

Dear Reader, 

Learn to dance in your prayer closets.  Learn to do things for the audience of One. When you do, you’ll find that He will bless you beyond what you ever imagined.  This does not mean that life will be perfect and you’ll never have any problems, but it does mean that you’ll have peace beyond your circumstances, grace in the storm, joy unspeakable, and You. Will. Have. Victory. I encourage you now to live in the victorious life that God has before you through learning how to make, maintain, and even dance in a prayer closet for Him. 

~Rebekah M. 

The Power of Sisterhood

 And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.    ~Genesis 24:61

When I think of these other two Rebekahs in my life, I am so thankful to God that they are not only two of my closest friends, regardless of the miles between us, but also so in tune with Him.  Both of them have blogged on subjects that were perfect and timely for me.

Our Sisters (or Brothers) Support Our Leaving The Things of This World

When Rebekah A posted on Leaving Babylon, unbeknownst to her, I too was called by God that very same night to leave my own. For years I have struggled with fighting my flesh on a certain thing.  I joke with my friends on how my flesh is the “Phoenix” and the side most people see is “Jean Grey” and how “I’d have to be dead and buried under a lake of water before you’ll ever meet the Phoenix but God help the world if she is ever unleashed.” (This is a reference to the X-Men… yes, I have a geeky side) We all have things that we battle with but God has given us people in our lives to go with us on our journeys of faith to encourage and strengthen us. I had compromised a personal standard of mine months ago, thinking that I was being too strict, that rarely has anyone else in this world been called to do that same thing, and that it was just a personal preference of mine, not something from God. However, because of that compromise I almost lost myself.  I almost lost my identity in Christ.  We all want to fit in more, we all want to please others at times, but I know now that I can never again compromise when God has called me to something.  I need to recognize when it’s Him and not me.  That very next morning after Rebekah A’s post, we prayed together over the phone and asked God to help us to never look back at our Babylons and to give us strength to fully leave it all in His hands from that day forward. I know that although the Babylon was not my compromise, it was my Babylon that set the stage for my compromise to turn out so badly. Most people can do what I did and be fine, but God sometimes calls us to a higher standard on specific things in our lives because of our weaknesses. Don’t ever feel like you should compromise if God is calling you to a higher standard than others for you will never go wrong in doing so. God will give you a support system that encourages you to stick to them if they are of Him. Be sensitive to His voice, for I had to learn the hard way what happens if you don’t. 

God Gives Us Sisters to Help Us See Ourselves in His Mirror

Rebekah L’s post on comparing ourselves was amazingly timely as well because I had recently been called to pray for God to do surgery on my heart too! She didn’t even know it for Rebekah A and I had been the ones to pray over this for me.  All my life I had been secretly petrified that any man, should he finally see the real me, would be disgusted. I see myself as ugly, fat, and undesirable when I look through the lens of this world and yet I know that my friends would cry out that I’m crazy for even saying that.  My body size is that of average and I actually have some cute features- some that I’ve had guys stare at me over. More than my outward features though are the fruits of the spirit that I’ve been trying to allow God to cultivate within me for as long as I can remember.  The recent emotionally trying time of my life brought new fruit into my soul. I never knew that I could truly choose to worship Him with all my heart in the midst of my world falling apart.  I never knew that within me was a warrior who would pray for those who had persecuted me and despitefully used me. God purposefully allowed me to go through the fire for He knew that when I emerged, I would be more pure and more ready for my future coming Isaacs. I don’t know what all my promises are composed of, but I do know that God is calling me. Although God is still working His surgery on my heart and soul, I can now look that feeling of worthlessness in the eye and say to it that I know it exists and I know that God is taking it out little by little.  I am a treasure. I am HIS treasure and no one can tell me otherwise.  I am beautiful for He calls me so every morning I wake up.  Every breath I breathe is a gift of love for me from God Himself.

Dear Reader:

Know that you are wonderfully made in Him.  You are handcrafted and He has promised that:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. ~Jeremiah 29:11 KJV or… 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11 NIV 

If your world has also recently fallen apart, know that if you truly are seeking Him on all things, that they are for your good. Know that when you submit everything to Him, that He gives you all that you need and more. That you have a hope and a future.  I pray that if you don’t already have a support system, that you find one for He provides them to you! You are loved, by God Himself!!! He will help you find those who can encourage you on this journey of faith if you’ll just allow Him to.  Open your eyes and see that the Lord is good and His mercies are new ever morning 🙂

~Rebekah M.  

All About the Timing

In Genesis 24:15 says: 

 Before he had done speaking, behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethu’el the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, came out with her water jar upon her shoulder.

Note that it says before he even finished speaking Rebekah came out with the water jar. Lately, I’ve taken to submitting my whole day to God.  This means that from what I wear to what words I allow to come out of my mouth- I want God to decide what happens. As I listening to preaching last week, the preachers noted how they had that same daily prayer for years and the moment they started that was the moment they were freed.  Everything now is on Him. Someone wants to make fun of what I wear? Jesus said to so I don’t care.  Someone thinks I should have been here instead of there? Jesus ordered my steps so I’m sorry but you’re wrong.  All my actions and the timing of my actions are in God’s hands when I fully submit it all to Him.   

Last week, I struggled with that emotionally toiling event that I have alluded to before.  My mind refused to let it go and it tormented me when I allow it to.  God has been the only thing to help me survive since things happened weeks ago. Whenever I fully focused on Him the hurt went away, the pain went away, the sense of loss decreased and I saw how much He wanted to give me a bright future and hope.

Timing is everything.

Saturday afternoon during an extended prayer meeting I poured out my heart to God. I felt Him calling me to apologize to a person connected to my emotionally toiling event but I wasn’t sure how this would happen since we hadn’t been in contact in weeks. I asked God that if He wanted me to, He would confirm it.  The next morning during the preaching, the pastor spoke of how Abraham had to kick Ishmael out for a promise (Isaac) cannot live with an error (Ishmael). I felt SO STRONGLY that I had to contact that person and apologize in order to kick Ishmael out of my life. God didn’t want me to say anything mean or evil, but to just apologize for a specific action and then say something specific for them. The pastor later told me that he had been working on that message for months, but that day God told him that he had to preach the message. I knew it was God since he used that exact bible example (I haven’t said a word about my journey of being rebekah to him) and that it was less than 12hrs after I prayed that prayer!

‘Bout My Father’s Business… When and How He says

Earlier, God had told me I could not call the person and I felt that same restriction hold. Feeling a bit like Queen Esther in which she didn’t know if she’d die by going before the king whom she hadn’t spoken to in a month, I texted them asking them to please call me but, even responding via text, they refused to call. I kept begging, Please call me, God said I must say something to you. Please, I must be about my Father’s business, I must do what God is telling me to do but He has told me specifically that I cannot call you.  Please, God wants me to tell you something but it must be over the phone.  Six hours after my first text, (the last hour being an hour of repeated begging with no response) I felt God release me from the task and I was free to attend Sunday night service with no remorse. Ishmael was kicked out of my life, but the person never received the blessing intended for them.

Some Promises Have an Expiration Date

People think that “If God wants this, it will eventually happen” and yes, to some degree I do believe that many things will come to pass should God want it…. but that is contingent on our acting in faith at the right time.  All that person had to do was call me and they would have received a blessing. Instead, I know that forever they will have it etched in their mind that they rejected even just hearing a potential message from God. Image if Rebekah chose to not even hear what Eleazar had to say. Image if she had refused to go? I pray that I never am in the place where I refuse to potentially hear a word from God and that I submit every step to Him so that I don’t miss out on opportunities.

His Promises Are New Every Morning

I woke up the next morning smiling, knowing that God freed me. He freed me from my Ishmael. He freed me from my past to enjoy the coming of Isaac. I know with all my heart that my future promise is tied to both opportunities to share Him with many people in this world as well as an actual Isaac (although that might not be his name) who will adore me and we will serve God together with our whole hearts.  My heart breaks a little for the Ishmael who rejected hearing God’s Word, but I cannot put my hand to the plow and look back.  In His timing, all things will come to pass when I am seeking Him and His Will with all my heart.  As my pastor says “Doing God’s Will isn’t as hard as we think. We just have to do what things God has already told us to do and everything will fall into place.”  To that I say amen and amen(!) and continue on with my daily tasks.

Lord, help me to continue to be faithful to my daily tasks. I pray that You reveal Your ever unfolding plan when the time is right.  I thank You for my future coming Isaacs. I thank You that You will use me as You see fit to encourage others, uplift those in Your family, reach a hand out to those who don’t know You yet, and to be Your mouth, hands, and feet.  I thank You that when the time is right, You will bring a man into my life who will be willing to lay down his life for You; a man who will adore me as Isaac adored Rebekah; who will see You in me and love me for it. Please never let me get to the point where I would prevent someone from doing what they strongly felt was Your Will. Please have mercy on the Ishmaels in this world who are running from You.  I pray anyone reading this blog who doesn’t know You will feel Your love sweeping over them now. I pray those who do, find a new conviction to be ready and willing to be in Your timing so that they don’t miss their “Isaac.”  I pray that we willingly go about Your business even if we feel like Queen Esther going before the king, for the results will always be for our good in the end. 

~Rebekah M

Dear Reader, please seek to be in His timing now.  You are not reading this by accident for I and my prayer partner pray for this blog daily. God has an abundant life waiting for you if you’ll just accept.  If you’re living the abundant life, be encouraged for His timing is always amazingly perfect for us. 🙂 

Not My Mouth but Thy Mouth

Rebekah unquestioningly did what she felt God was telling her to do went she went with Eleazar… for me it’s not always so easy to do what God is saying, but the end results are always amazing when I finally act. 

Last Sunday I was sitting in Panera reading when God quietly said to me:

“What do you want?”

I had been listening to preaching earlier that week about Esther and how we can come to a place where God, like Esther’s husband the king, can ask us what we want and like Esther, if we sincerely show that all we want is His presence, we can ask for anything and it will be granted.  Please don’t get me wrong- this does NOT mean that seeking His presence is a formula for magically getting whatever you want! However, when you sincerely and truly seek Him with all your heart, His wants become your wants, His desires become your desires and what you ask you will receive because you will only ask what is kingdom-minded.  So in reply to His question I thought to Him “Really God? Here? In the middle of Panera Bread where I cannot get down on my knees and pray You ask me what I want?” and again I felt Him say:

“What do you want?” 

And so I replied in my mind “If I have pleased You, if I have found favor in your sight, I pray that You grant me Your presence. That You move strongly in service tonight. That the hesitation I feel in the spirit every service would be broken tonight.”

I felt that He was pleased with my answer and believed that He would grant me my request.  That night in service God not only moved, but the most surprising thing to me was that He used me to help bring about the exact thing I had asked for.  During the middle of service God was moving strongly and people were praying in their seats and I felt Him tell me to go pray with someone on the other side of the room in the front row.  “Really God? I’d stand out so much though! That’s so conspicuous! She’s in the front row!” and yet again, He told me to go pray with her. Finally, stumbling and with the Holy Ghost overflowing out of me I went to pray with her.  Soon she was weeping as God spoke to her through my mouth.  I don’t even fully remember what I said, but I know that it was what she needed to hear.  I then went back to my seat and He led me to pray for another… and then another… and then another.  Finally as the service was coming to a close, the pastor asked for us to all come to the front and pray for he and his wife.  He said they had been going through a lot lately and God was helping them and bringing people along to encourage them, but he felt the need to ask for prayer.  As we all gathered around I felt God telling me to say something to them, but again, I freaked out and tried to hold it in.  “But EVERYONE is here Lord, the whole church is RIGHT HERE! I don’t want to make a scene. This doesn’t feel right.”  The feeling kept coming though, to the point where I was physically putting my hands over my mouth until I could not handle it anymore and started just praying out loud to God.  The amazing thing was, in the end, even my hesitation God used! I ended up saying the same line over and over again at first and the pastor later told the whole group that it was perfectly in line with what he would have preached if we had had preaching that night.  There was more that God had me pray out loud towards the group, but needless to say, I was floored that God even used my human emotion of fear of standing out to create the perfect unity of spirit of what I said to what had been intended to preach.

I truly believe a big part of why God was willing to use me in such a public manner was because that very morning when I had woken up, I danced around my house before the Lord in worship.  I told Him that I was worshipping Him in the privacy of my house just to worship Him. Because He is good and His mercy endures forever.  Because I loved Him.  Because He is above all things and in all things. When we show Him that we can worship and dance before Him as our audience of one, He can trust using us in an audience of many.  

Lord, help me to stop hesitating about being in the spotlight.  I so desperately don’t want to be a spotlight seeker that I end up hesitating when You tell me to move.  Next time Lord, if You tell me to move, I pray that I do it without hesitation.  I pray that I learn to have that fearless spirit of Rebekah.  It amazes me that when it comes to things that I can see or touch I run at it full force, but with these spiritual things where the evidence is through a unity of messages I fear looking ridiculous, conspicuous, or a spotlight seeker.  Help me to be so humble that I don’t even care about that! I realize now that even the fear of being a spotlight seeker is a form of pride.  Dig this out and use me as You will Lord, even if it’s in front of everyone… or if it’s in front of only You.  Use me however You will, whenever You will.  

~Rebekah M

Dear reader- if you don’t know Him or His love, I invite you to seek Him out now.  He is faithful and will lead you to Himself.  A wonderful place to start is to read John chapter 3 and then Acts chapter 2.  The book of John tells of who Jesus is and the book of Acts shows us how His apostles put into motion the things He had taught them. May you find a new birth in Him and when you are ready, may God use you to bless others.  For those who do know Him but aren’t being used by Him yet, read I Corinthians chapters 12 and 13.  Seek after the gifts of the Spirit. There is nothing more amazing than feeling God tell you a word for someone and when you tell them, they begin to cry and worship God. May healings, miracles, prophecies, tongues and interpretation of tongues and more be unto those who seek to be used by Him with a true heart.