Lately, I have been feeling extremely frustrated. Almost irrationally so. It’s at the point where a few days ago I was convinced I’d be packing my bags, leaving NYC, and moving in with my parents before the spring was up. Sure, there are valid reasons for my frustration. Every employment opportunity that’s come up hasn’t worked out; tasks around the house take 3 times as long as they should, and no matter how hard I work there’s still a lot of TLC that the place needs. It’s been a constant grind for about 6 months, and I still don’t have many friends here to break up the day.
I found myself frustrated and angry with the situation, and also with God. I outright asked Him the other day, “I came here in faith. I thought you wanted me here. I trusted You to take care of me. I thought You wanted to use me here; what’s the point of my being here? Why’d You have me come? Where are You- was I wrong about You??”
God in return gave me the gentlest of reminders of what I have here, and what potential there is here. He reminded me of the constant stream of blessings He’s rained over me since my arrival, and how much stronger my walk with Him has gotten since I’ve moved here. Now I ask myself, how could I have forgotten these things? How could I doubt the one constant I’ve had since I got here?
In truth, I’d forgotten my true purpose. What’s my true purpose? To be God’s. Just to belong to Him. To be His delight. To bask in His presence. Anything He has me do in the meantime is just a bonus. First and foremost, I am here to be His and to worship my Heavenly Father.
I’m not the first one to lost sight of this. Adam and Eve had the same problem when, after eating the forbidden fruit, they realized they were naked and tried to cover up with fig leaves. Suddenly, the relationship with God went from one of simple fellowship and delight to one of fear, shame, and forgetting what we’re here for. Suddenly being ‘good’ meant being clothed, rather than just being God’s. The focus became external.
While it is of course the norm for us to wear clothes, and I don’t recommend that you stop, the same shift still takes place for us today. We focus on how we look to others, how we act, what we can do, how God can use us. These are good things – just like covering one’s exposed private parts with fig leaves would be considered a good thing. But they are external things, secondary to what we’re here first and foremost to do: simply to be God’s. To belong to God, to be the bride of Jesus Christ, to delight in Him and love Him the way He does us. To worship Him. To spend time with Him, just belonging to Him. Such a simple purpose, and yet so often forgotten.
So today, I invite you to take a breath with me. For a few moments, stop searching and striving. Enjoy the Lord, your Father, Husband, and Savior. Let yourself sit and be loved by Him. Just belong to Him. Yes He may tell you to move. Yes there will be busy seasons and slow, but that question of “why am I here?” should never be a concern. You may have various purposes in different seasons as God calls you, but your underlying purpose is just to belong to Him. So ground yourself in that, and find the peace that comes from knowing you have an inherent identity, just by existing as the Lord’s.