Trusting God | Being Rebekah

“Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to fully understand. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” –Ephesians 3:17-19

This verse is one of many in the Bible that speaks of God’s incomprehensible love for us. I don’t think we can ever truly grasp that love. It is the love of one who laid down His life on the cross for the sins of all people. He laid down His life for me. Unworthy, undeserving me. And He laid down His life for you.

I have struggled all my life to believe that someone could actually love me. Me of all people, but this verse clearly says that God loves me and that I should strive to understand just how wide and deep that love is. It also says that as I trust in Him, my roots should grow down into that love. Being rooted and grounded in love should give us such a confidence in God that nothing can penetrate it. The Bible says that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). As we allow these roots to grow in His love, it keeps us strong!

A few years ago sitting in a meeting with my former pastor and his wife, a finger was pointed at me and I was told matter-of-factly, “No one will ever love you.” I have mentioned this incident once before on this blog and to a few select people in my life. I’ve yet to completely free myself from these words because they were the vocalization of something I already believed about myself.

But recently in prayer God gave me a revelation: the Bible says in the mouth of two or three witnesses let every word be established (2 Corinthians 13:1). This word that no one will ever love me has never been corroborated. There has never been another witness to tell me this. In fact, of the few people that know about this incident, the reaction has almost universally been horror that someone would say this to me and everyone I’ve told has disagreed with it. More importantly, the Word of God establishes over and over again that I am loved. He loves me. If no one else on this earth ever has affection for me it does not matter because the God who created the universe, the Savior of the world, the Redeemer of my soul loves me!

Why then do I struggle to accept this love? I believe the Word of God. I know His Word is true. I know that it was the love of God that saved me. He loved me enough to pluck me out of the miry clay. He has blessed me beyond anything I deserve or could ask for. But part of me still believes I am fundamentally unlovable. This mind-set is keeping me from experiencing the love of God as it truly is and it is hindering my walk with Him. I think the solution to this problem lies in the verse I posted above from Ephesians 3. Lord help me to trust completely in You! I need to be rooted and grounded in the love of Christ! I need a revelation of how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.

If I cannot accept the love of Jesus, how can I ever hope to accept the love of a fallible human being? There are people in my life who tell me they love me, but I have trouble believing them. I know they mean it when they say it, but I don’t know if their love is real so I test it over and over again. Often the result of this testing is to push them further away from me. I do this with God too. His love can withstand the testing, but can it withstand my lack of trust? God’s love is perfect and I need to be perfected in it. I’m not there yet. But I know that God is working on me. He is helping me. This revelation about getting two or three witness is huge. Now whenever that nasty memory comes to mind, I can counteract it with the truth of the Word. My strength lies in Him! When the enemy tries to tell me I cannot be loved, I will say “It is written”.